Intimate and acquaintance murder

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Do you have experience with acquaintance or intimate violence?

Yes, it has happened to me and I'm lucky to be alive.
Yes, it has happened to someone I know.
Yes, I was involved in a professional (LEO, etc.) capacity.
Total votes: 139

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Re: Intimate and acquaintance murder

Post by Myana » Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:40 pm

While I agree that getting out of an abusive relationship is the best course, it isn't as easy as it sounds.

Abuse is often generational. Abuse damages a child's self-esteem, and many abused kids grow up thinking that they deserve this treatment, that they've done something to bring it on themselves. Then, worst of all, they train their kids that this stuff is natural. And departure is the most dangerous time. My dad beat my mother regularly, and was fond of threatening us with knives and guns. When mom finally left him, he scaled up from 'brandishing' to 'attempted murder' and 'assault with a deadly weapon.' Living with abuse drives you crazy with fear.

One of my earliest memories is my mom, using me as a human shield because she didn't think dad would shoot his 4 year old daughter. Back in the 60s and 70s, I found no help. My grandmother told me this was normal. This was what men did, what they were like, and women just had to learn to put up with it. My parents got marriage counseling in 1971. Her therapist told her that dad hit her because she (a total spineless mouse) wasn't 'submissive' enough. If she was a good wife, he wouldn't hit her. I told my teachers about the abuse -- they punished me for 'lying' about my wonderful father. I ran away, several times. People found me and brought me back. I like to think that things are different today, that no kid would ever face the wall of disbelief that I did.

What ended it all was a gun, and a man willing to use it.

Mom filed for divorce. Dad ramped up to attempted murder. She filed a restraining order against him. His friends on the police force warned him, so that he could avoid having process served, and they strongly encouraged her to drop the case. And she did. She wouldn't fight the local police and my father. I wanted to press charges; it was me he almost killed. My mother would not back me up, however, and at 15 I had no way to do this on my own. Not when the police and my parents were against it.

For the next six months, he harassed us viciously. He'd call all night long, drunk and abusive. Some nights he'd sneak over to the house and tap on the windows with a gun until we woke up. Then he'd stand there, pointing it at us.

Then, after the divorce was final, my mom met another man. An ex-Green Beret, a Silver Star Vietnam vet -- and a 'gun nut.' When Jack moved in with us, he made it plain to my father that he'd shoot him if he continued to threaten us.

And bam. The abuse ended, instantly. No more calls. No more threats. No more harassment. The hell that I considered 'normal life' disappeared, never to return again.

Jack taught me an incredible lesson about abusers, and what miserable, pathetic cowards they are. I might have followed my mother's path if he hadn't shown me a better way. I married a loving, decent man. He doesn't mind that I hung a heavy bag in the front room, that I work out with a 15-pound mace, or that I'm a better shot than he is. I love my mother, but I will not ever be her. Jack taught me that.

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Re: Intimate and acquaintance murder

Post by dogbane » Thu Sep 24, 2015 9:53 am

In a high-profile case of intimate murder, "ghost hunter" Mark Constantino has apparently murdered his wife and another man before taking his own life in Reno.
Police began their investigation shortly after 6:30 a.m. when a woman arrived at a home in Escalera Court to find her male roommate dead inside, Reno Police Lt. William Rulla said. His name has not been released

Police then learned that another roommate, Debbie Constantino, was missing. Officers tracked her cellphone and found her inside the apartment in Sparks with her estranged husband.

Upon arriving at the apartment, officers knocked on the door and heard several shots fired, said Reno police deputy chief Tom Robinson.

The suspect told police "give me 15 minutes to gather my thoughts or I'll kill her," Robinson said.

Officers said they heard a man yelling at police to leave. Officers began negotiating with the man, but eventually used explosives to blow the door open and found the couple dead inside.

Police did not say how they were killed or what kind of gun was used.

According to KRNV-TV, police said the couple had a long history of domestic violence, and Mark Constantino had allegedly kidnapped Debbie Constantino a few months ago. Records indicate he was arrested in August and booked on suspicion of domestic battery by strangulation, first-degree kidnapping and first-degree domestic battery.

The Constantinos were involved in several television programs about ghost hunting, including Ghost Adventures, police said. ... /72687698/
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Re: Intimate and acquaintance murder

Post by quazi » Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:04 am

I got sucked into stupid Internet arguments and am spending way too much of my life pouring over the FBI UCR numbers yet again. I never seem to learn.

The numbers for 2015 look roughly the same as for 2012 (what I linked previously) but as always they have a lot of ambiguous stuff that is hard to interpret. I sent them an email asking for more details, but I'm sure they're probably getting inundated with questions right now.

The biggest problem is that in about half the murders the information on relationship and circumstance are categorized as "Unkown" which is a separate category from "not specified", and "not specified" is often the biggest or second biggest category itself. This is also not including the problem that they've lumped most relationships into the "Acquaintance" category and they're not clear on who all makes that up.

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Re: Intimate and acquaintance murder

Post by Stercutus » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:48 pm

Ok, I'll help a little here. When a LEO fills out a police report he collects up evidence about the crime as best he can and does a report normally within 12 hours, almost never more than 48 hours. The UCR data gets processed before the ink is dry in the laser printer.

The police may not know who did it when the report gets filled out and "unknown" will automatically get checked. Will the officer go back and change it later when he finds out who did it? Nope, because the case has been handed off to a detective. Will the detective change it? Probably not. He will write in his report what the circumstances are but going back and changing other elements of the report is a bridge too far. This is ignoring the fact that one third of all murders go '"unsolved". Often unsolved is going to be random murder (serial killer, random crime gone wrong etc) or the police are pretty sure who did it but they can not prove beyond a reasonable doubt and therefore will not present a case to the Grand Jury. Are they going to change a report to read "baby daddy" when they can't prove it? Nope.

Also shocking, but sometimes people lie to the police after they commit a crime. By "sometimes" I mean whenever they are talking, using sign language or making gestures at any time within hearing or sight of the police. So they lie about relationships whenever possible to avoid attention. Most of the time these lies are easily proven so they just increase the amount of attention they get.
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be rememberèd—
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother

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