Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by JTNieman » Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:45 pm

shrapnel wrote:As any of you who are on IRC know, I'm not what you could call a good cook. In fact, I think the proper word is more like 'inept' or 'comically pathetic'.
And yet you still started a thread about it :P

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:50 pm

JamesCannon wrote:
shrapnel wrote:As any of you who are on IRC know, I'm not what you could call a good cook. In fact, I think the proper word is more like 'inept' or 'comically pathetic'.
And yet you still started a thread about it :P
YUP. :P


Also, zucchini purchased for casserole; pictures to follow in an hour or two.
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JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by TravisM.1 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:59 pm

squinty wrote:It occurs to me that appropriately textured and chopped tofu or TVP, and mushroom broth, should be acceptable substitutes for the beef ingredients in my "Henry Hill Hates My" spaghetti.

Still beats egg noodles and ketchup!
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:40 pm

Zucchini Casserole

INGREDIENTS
1 medium onion, grated
4 medium sized zucchini, grated
Olive oil
Italian seasoning
Garlic powder
Salt
Pepper
1.5 cups of small curd, 2% cottage cheese (the bigger curd has too much liquid); it is more important to have the small curd than to have the right percentage of fat
3 eggs
8 oz. cheddar cheese cut into small chunks
1.5 - 2 cups of Italian bread crumbs

Image

(I forgot to get the eggs out for this. Oh well. Imagine three eggs sitting there)


The Zucchini Casserole is an adaptation of Zucanoes from the Moosewood Cookbook

Grate a medium sized onion in the food processor in the food processor with a grater attachment thing. Or use a cheese grater. However you want to shred your onions sounds fine to me. I ended up with a consistency like really soggy, shredded coconut.

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Take the onion out of the food processor, and grate 4 medium sized zucchini.

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Add the onion to a frying pan and saute' in 1 Tbs. of olive oil until translucent. Season with salt, pepper, garlic, and Italian seasoning- maybe a TSP of the Italian seasoning, and half a TSP of the garlic powder. And some salt and pepper.

Add the zucchini to frying pan and saute' along with onions. This will draw liquid into the pan. Do not drain it. Take it off the heat and let it cool while you do the rest. I cooked the zucchini until it was kind of... limp and floppy? With a TBS or so of liquid in the pan.

Image

In the food processor add:
1.5 cups of small curd, 2% cottage cheese (the bigger curd has too much liquid); it is more important to have the small curd than to have the right percentage of fat
3 eggs
8 oz. cheddar cheese cut into small chunks

Blend together and add:
1.5 cups of Italian bread crumbs

Image

Stir this mixture into the zucchini-onion mixture. The egg/cheese/crumb mixture was really stiff and hard to work with (at least without spilling things everywhere), so I just dug the hell in with my hands. Luckily, I had waited long enough that I didn't burn myself to death on the onion/zucchini mix.

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Taste to adjust seasoning if needed. Place in a greased casserole dish, top with more grated cheddar cheese with a sprinkle of bread crumbs, and bake for 30-40 minutes at 350 (this is for an almost bread dish-deep pan that Mom has. I had a shallow Pyrex casserole dish, that Mom said was fine to use, but to cut the cooking time a little. I ended up cooking it for about 25 minutes, give or take a few. Basically, until it kind of sets and isn't noticeably jiggly, but it shouldn't be overly firm, either).

Image

Image



LEARNING EXPERIENCES:

The first thing I learned was, if you have just been grating an onion in a food processor, do not finish ,open up the lid and stick your face right next to it. I wept like a little girl with a skinned knee (you can't see the tears, but oh they're there).

Image

Having grated my zucchini, I looked at the GIANT PILE OF SHREDDED VEGETABLES and got terrified that somehow I had the recipe wrong, and I was going to end up with way more zucchini than I needed and it was going to be a total disaster. Happily, I soldiered on, and as it turned out I had just the right amount.

Once I started sauteing the zucchini/onion mix, I got scared I was boiling off all of the liquid, which Mom had told me was necessary for the breadcrumbs to absorb, so I stopped a little earlier than I perhaps should have. The zucchini is a little crunchier than I am used to, but it actually gives the casserole a little extra texture and very mild crunch that I approve of. So that worked out well.

I may have used slightly too much breadcrumbs- it's a little gluier than I remember, but not godawfully so.

One final lesson- know where the cooking spray is before you start cooking. I ended up having to utterly abandon my dignity and, in absence of anything handy to stand on, climb on top of a bag of cat food to reach in the cupboard where the spray has apparently been hiding for years. Don't let this happen to you!


OVERALL- This is the best thing I've ever cooked. Everything came out pretty much aces, and I'm honestly really proud of myself. :D
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by whisk.e.rebellion » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:44 pm

Boo ya!
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Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by wee drop o' bush » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:56 pm

Shrapnel that looked really nice & I'll attempt to make it soon & post the pics. Do you mind if I give the recipe to my sis-in-law as I know she'd love to make it?
It's from her I got the two recipes I posted earlier
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:03 pm

Not at all- I got these from my mother, who got them from god knows where over the years. I'm slowly working my way through my favorite foods as a child. Next, I'ma do either tomato soup (from scratch), or Spaghetti Capeletti (which is basically a tomato sauce with kalamata olives and such in it, again, from scratch). The spaghetti sauce should be easy as shit- I've made it once before, and it went well. Tomato soup can't possibly be that difficult, though, so maybe I'll make that. :D
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by wee drop o' bush » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:09 pm

Thanks I know she'll make the recipe
She (ahem) has a household folder with each months menu planned ahead in exact detail. What she writes on it, she cooks & her whole family eats:shock:
I can't even take a sandwich to work & still want it at lunchtime
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by Gingerbread Man » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:23 pm

In, I like cooking. Badly.
Shrapnel wrote "nobody is trying to be a dick and give out warnings for every little thing" :|
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by Grimstad » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:59 pm

Just thought I'd put in a kind word for burnt. Some things just taste better over cooked. I like burnt cheese and not only do I like my steaks well done, I specifically request "burnt beyond recognition". A phrase met with mixed reactions. When I go to Quiznos I ask them to run it through the oven twice and it pisses me off when they don't do it. Yes I know it gets burned, THATS THE WAY I LIKE IT. And who doesn't like to set their marshmallows ablaze over the campfire? Burned spaghetti though, few things smell worse than burned spaghetti.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by bonanacrom » Sat Jul 09, 2011 11:40 pm

I walked past the kitchen today ( yesterday ) and my mother was making ( what she said ) potato salad to take to a friends house. I've mentioned a time or two about my mothers horrid cooking skills, I noticed one of her ingredients as I pasted, spacial K cereal. I learned very early how to cook for myself.
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Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by wee drop o' bush » Sun Jul 10, 2011 5:49 am

Yesterday I made some white chocolate sauce to pour over chilled strawberries, raspberries, blueberries & blackberries:D
It's scrumptious
400g White chocolate (with Vanilla)
500mls double cream at room temperature
Melt the chocolate then pour in the cream & whisk till completely blended into a sauce
Pour into a jug & chill
Pour over whatever chilled berries you have handy & enjoy
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by bonanacrom » Sun Jul 10, 2011 9:30 am

This is not some secret recipe but one I discovered was not known to all, I have given this to most of the people I know with kids as they really seem to like them. One mother of many as stated that making them with the kids pretty much guarantees she wont get a chance to have any as the wee ones are fast at making them disappear faster than she can help make them. Ingredients
1 (16 ounce) package OREO Chocolate Sandwich Cookies, divided
1 (8 ounce) package PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
2 (8 ounce) packages BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate, melted
Directions
1.Crush 9 of the cookies to fine crumbs in food processor; reserve for later use. (Cookies can also be finely crushed in a resealable plastic bag using a rolling pin.) Crush remaining 36 cookies to fine crumbs; place in medium bowl. Add cream cheese; mix until well blended. Roll cookie mixture into 42 balls, about 1-inch in diameter.
2.Dip balls in chocolate; place on wax paper-covered baking sheet. (Any leftover chocolate can be stored at room temperature for another use.) Sprinkle with reserved cookie crumbs.
3.Refrigerate until firm, about 1 hour. Store leftover truffles, covered, in refrigerator.
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Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by wee drop o' bush » Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:57 am

Bonanacrom that recipe sounds yummy I'll have to try it:)
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by maldon007 » Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:59 am

1 tube crescent rolls
1 pack/block cheese of your choice
1 pack ham lunch meat, or other meat product of your choice

Follow directions on crescent roll tube, only put about 1 oz. of ham/cheese in the fat part of the triangle, before roll up.
Pinch the edges to keep the cheese from melting out.
Bake at a little lower temp, for a tad longer... I do about 25*- 50* under the recomended, and I go by looks only, never time. I also flip them one time, about 3/4 of the way through, it seems to keep the bottoms from ever over cooking.

Let them set after baking for maybe 10 min. so the cheese is not like friggin lava, serve, enjoy praise.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Wed Jul 13, 2011 10:41 pm

Tomato Soup

INGREDIENTS
2-3 TSP olive oil
1 large onion, sliced
2-3 potatoes, cubed
3 or so carrots, sliced
Basil
Thyme
Salt
Pepper
(I put some oregano in as well, because I like how it tastes)
1 28 oz can of peeled whole tomatoes
2 or 3 cans of chicken broth, depending on how liquidy you want your soup

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Saute the onion in 2-3 T of olive oil

When translucent, add 2 large or 3 medium potatoes sliced and 3 large carrots sliced. I used 4 carrots because they were kind of wimpy looking, and also I peeled them within an inch of their carrot lives.

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Saute until slightly softened; add 1 teas. basil, 1 teas. thyme, and salt and pepper to taste.

Add
1 28 oz. can of tomatoes (not with puree just whole tomatoes)
2-3 cans of chicken or vegetable broth (you may want to hold off on the salt till you add the broth as it varies in the amount of salt added). Bring to a boil, then turn heat down to a simmer.

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Cook until carrots and potatoes are tender. Cool slightly and puree the vegetable solids in the food processor until they are smooth.

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Add to the remaining broth and stir until blended. Adjust seasoning as needed. Reheat and serve.

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LESSONS
The potatoes are somehow underdone- they were a tiny bit crunchy on the outside, but starting to fall apart in the middle, so I panicked that I was overcooking them, and threw everything into the blender. It's ok, and the flavor is fine, there are just slightly starchy bits in the soup that didn't get totally blended.

For reasons that are completely opaque in retrospect, I used a spatula instead of a slotted spoon, so when I was blending the soup, I ended up having to get a ladle and pour soup on top of the spatula to try and strain out the chunks of veggies, which was utterly idiotic and messy.

Other than that, everything went well.

VERDICT
Delicious. Tomato soup the way I love it- not sweet, a little acidic, and hearty.
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by whisk.e.rebellion » Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:01 am

Very nice. Though, I am very much not a fan of blending hot things. I tend to put at least two tea towels over the top of the blender and still manage to burn myself.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:10 am

Huh. I did not have that problem at all- I didn't fill the blender all the way up, maybe?
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:10 pm

Posted as a reminder that I want to try to venture into the terrifying world of baking at some point.
Towanda wrote:Wee Drop, if you want to try making them yourself, here's Alton Brown's recipe for Southern buttermilk biscuits. You'll have to Google your own metric conversions. If you don't have a biscuit cutter, you can use the open end of a drinking glass or coffee cup.
Ingredients

2 cups flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons shortening
1 cup buttermilk, chilled

Directions

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Using your fingertips, rub butter and shortening into dry ingredients until mixture looks like crumbs. (The faster the better, you don't want the fats to melt.) Make a well in the center and pour in the chilled buttermilk. Stir just until the dough comes together. The dough will be very sticky.

Turn dough onto floured surface, dust top with flour and gently fold dough over on itself 5 or 6 times. Press into a 1-inch thick round. Cut out biscuits with a 2-inch cutter, being sure to push straight down through the dough. Place biscuits on baking sheet so that they just touch. Reform scrap dough, working it as little as possible and continue cutting. (Biscuits from the second pass will not be quite as light as those from the first, but hey, that's life.)

Bake until biscuits are tall and light gold on top, 15 to 20 minutes.
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by Towanda » Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:28 pm

If you're not an experienced baker, biscuits are a good way to start.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by marktaff » Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:20 pm

I never rework my biscuit dough. If you use circle packing, you can use up to 85% of the dough on the first pass. I don't mind discarding < 1/3 cup of flour. In the PAW I'd just make square biscuits so there wouldn't be any waste, but otherwise, I prefer quality vs. quantity.

With any dough, the wetter the dough, the more moist the final product, but the harder the dough is to work with. Baking requires more attention to detail and accurate measurements, but it isn't fundamentally harder than cooking.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:06 pm

Holy shit. I made bread. Non-disastrous bread. Well, it isn't perfect, it needed to bake longer than I let it so the fluffy bit is too wet, but for a first try, it is perfectly acceptable. I made the City Bread in this recipe:

http://www.foodnetwork.ca/recipes/Side/ ... ishid=9530

and forgot to document it. But, the crust is crunchy and crusty, and the inside is pretty good even though it is not totally cooked, and I'm incredibly proud of myself.


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OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by whisk.e.rebellion » Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:15 pm

Fucking awesome!

Next time, try this recipe:
http://zombiehunters.org/forum/viewtopi ... 50&t=40324" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I have seriously not fucked up that recipe in the 2-3 dozen times I've made it, and I'm a terrible baker. I've even substituted whey for the water and it turned out.
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Re: Cooking (poorly) with Shrapnel

Post by shrapnel » Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:49 am

I felt enthusiastic, so I made some of that recipe.

Image

On a related note, now I have too much bread. :gonk:
OTTB wrote:"What's that you're wearing?"
"This? Oh, just my rabies hat."
shrapnel wrote:Darling, I would never fondle your sphenoid.
Dr. Cox wrote: People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
JamesCannon wrote:Shrapnel, if you were a superhero, you'd be Captain Buzzkill Peener Pain.

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