My Job, My Hell...

Share a personal survival experience with us and explain what you learned from it. You might help someone.

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Laager
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:56 pm

Things you really, really do not want to hear from you wife (especially since it was in my house, thank the good Lord we have two showers and one tub (three bathrooms and only Lil and I use ours).


Lil: Look at this, someone has been shitting in the tub.

Me: Uh, didn't Sam give the dog a bath in there the other day?

Lil: This is human poop, look there is human hair in there.

Me: I looked over at Bec and gave her my best raised eyebrows and shoulder shrug (she has a bathroom all to herself) So I went with well I can honestly say that it wasn't me. In fact the only person using that bathroom is your Mom. So uh can you explain to me why you are standing their holding hair and poo and please explain to me, exactly how does this involve me in any way shape or form.

Is that corn?

Lil: Yes it is and I don't want to talk to you right now. Mom!!!

I decided that the best thing was for me to find something to do in my room, so I left. Now I will admit that I had noticed that there was a strong poo odor coming from that bathroom and had checked the toilet, but hey who thinks to check the darn tube drain/screen.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Hiroshima_Morphine » Sat Oct 14, 2017 10:06 pm

Lt. Col. Ollie North type spook shit.
Classic! If it isn't yet, this line needs to be in a movie! :clap:

This story made me laugh!
Commies to the left of me, Nazis to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle... with you?

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Oct 15, 2017 6:00 pm

Hiroshima_Morphine wrote:
Lt. Col. Ollie North type spook shit.
Classic! If it isn't yet, this line needs to be in a movie! :clap:

This story made me laugh!

I could not help it.......Don is a typical old school U.S. Marine, second generation and is pushing for his son to go into the Corp. So while he likes to stick me with Army dogface jokes and mess ups, I like to rag him about the Corp.

Now, I will point out that if the Marine recruiter would have been in his office on the day my father dragged me to the recruiting building, I would have been happy to join the Corp. But unfortunately the only recruiter in office at the time was the Army recruiter.

Contracting is crooked work and I love remembering the look on their face when I walked in and dropped my retirement papers on them......I thought my boss was going to have a stoke.......which would have been fine by me, since she was a shifty crook.

Never tell someone they do not have a choice.......there is always a choice.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Hiroshima_Morphine » Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:39 pm

Laager wrote:Questionable things said to your Company Commander (Captain/O-3)

CC: 1SG what is that soldier doing?

1SG: Not sure, PFC Priest the Captain would like to know what you are doing?

Me: Sir, I am waxing my knife, Sir.

CC: Hmmmm, ok well uhhhh carry on soldier.

Me: Sir, Yes Sir.


Day after a bar fight:

Battalion Commander, Company Commander, Battalion Command Sergeant Major, Company First Sergeant

CC: You are worse than a Troop of Monkeys, can any of you explain a single difference? Priest, go ahead.

Me: Sir, we can't be a Troop of Monkeys because we are not Cav, we are straight leg infantry Sir. Also well Monkeys tend to fling poo and well we usually do not do that. How about a Troop of Kangaroo's they don't fling poo? Maybe a pandemonium of parrots?

BC: Captain, let's take a walk.........
Questionable things to say to a customer who spends in the millions with you on a yearly basis-

Customer: [this is what we want]

Me: we can't do that

C: why not?

M: our business model isn't set up to facilitate that

C: well that's what we want, if you don't do this we will switch to [brand x]

M: [brand x] doesn't do that either, no one does. It would cost us and other vendors too much money to do that- why do you even bring up [brand x]?

C: because they will do it if we offer them your business in here

M: no they won't, and if you ask them and if they are honest they will tell you they can't do it for the same reasons we can't do it

C: well this is what we want

M: well I want world peace and a blow job- since we are discussing fantasies why not put it all on the table
Commies to the left of me, Nazis to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle... with you?

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:32 pm

Hiroshima_Morphine wrote:
Laager wrote:Questionable things said to your Company Commander (Captain/O-3)

CC: 1SG what is that soldier doing?

1SG: Not sure, PFC Priest the Captain would like to know what you are doing?

Me: Sir, I am waxing my knife, Sir.

CC: Hmmmm, ok well uhhhh carry on soldier.

Me: Sir, Yes Sir.


Day after a bar fight:

Battalion Commander, Company Commander, Battalion Command Sergeant Major, Company First Sergeant

CC: You are worse than a Troop of Monkeys, can any of you explain a single difference? Priest, go ahead.

Me: Sir, we can't be a Troop of Monkeys because we are not Cav, we are straight leg infantry Sir. Also well Monkeys tend to fling poo and well we usually do not do that. How about a Troop of Kangaroo's they don't fling poo? Maybe a pandemonium of parrots?

BC: Captain, let's take a walk.........
Questionable things to say to a customer who spends in the millions with you on a yearly basis-

Customer: [this is what we want]

Me: we can't do that

C: why not?

M: our business model isn't set up to facilitate that

C: well that's what we want, if you don't do this we will switch to [brand x]

M: [brand x] doesn't do that either, no one does. It would cost us and other vendors too much money to do that- why do you even bring up [brand x]?

C: because they will do it if we offer them your business in here

M: no they won't, and if you ask them and if they are honest they will tell you they can't do it for the same reasons we can't do it

C: well this is what we want

M: well I want world peace and a blow job- since we are discussing fantasies why not put it all on the table


I have worked hard all my life to create situations where I often got the chance to say things similar to that.........then again according to the latest Army Times magazine they are thinking about extending Basic Training because they have "undisciplined" soldiers showing up in their units. I don't think they are "undisciplined" it is just that there is a Right Way, A Wrong Way and then there is the Army Way and some people just can not make the jump to a messed up chain of command very easily.

I know I was bored most of the time...that hurry up and wait stuff was slowly killing me when I was in garrison.
Last edited by Laager on Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Fri Oct 20, 2017 11:09 am

Well in regards to the poo in the tub, according to Lil's Mother it is my fault. Now I am not sure how it became my fault that she is washing her bum in the shower, when the Grandkids were the ones that took the Tabo and bucket out of the bathroom.

What is a Tabo you ask? It is a fairly large ladle type thing that Flipino's use as a all around hygiene tool, hey it is multipurpose, however it is mostly used for cleaning your bum (or anal area) after taking care of business, it is also used for bathing and cleaning the bathroom floor. Most Filipinos do not have "bathtubs" and have a sort of combo shower toilet area with a drain in the floor.

I would like to point out that there are two Tabo and two buckets in the hallway closets where we keep the towels and assorted bathroom stuff for that bathroom, but someone was a LA (Lazy A..) and would rather wash their bum in the shower, which involved stripping naked.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by feanor » Thu Oct 26, 2017 5:53 pm

There is no excuse for poo being in a tub and left in there short of "The house was on fire!" which would render the whole thing pretty moot.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:47 pm

Whitefish Puerto Rico contract stirs controversy http://thehill.com/policy/energy-enviro ... ontroversy



Now it has been awhile, but from what I remember and what I still hear from people working in AF contracting nothing much has changed.

So here is what I think probably happened.

Someone wants to get promoted in the contracting world.

Contracting started looking for Minority Small Businesses' to get as many contracts as possible.

Now the best way to get a Fedgov contract is to hit every possible box on their list as possible.

Now let's say Lil wanted to open a Small Business with me is for the following to happen:

1. Lil owns 51% of the business. First check box checked.
2. Lil is female second check box checked.
3. Lil is a minority, third check box checked.
4. Lil is a veteran, 4th checked
5. Lil is a disabled veteran...5th checked.

Now me.....well I did learn that I was Mexican at the age of 28 (on my way out of the Army), and that has me questioning my rapid promotion rate.

But anyway.....

1. Veteran
2. Disabled
3. Not the majority owner at 49% or less.

Do you need to know what you are doing?

In most cases you do not, it depends on how the contract is written.

Usually you could get a contract for say running a nuclear aircraft carrier and not even know how to do it. So you end up hiring people at Davis Bacon wages to do the actual work while you rake in the cash.

I have seen multi million dollar contracts go to husband and wife businesses with them being the only employees on many occasions and every time it was a bullet or milestone for the contracting officer to get his or her next promotion by employing a Small Business.

Then again hey maybe they are related to Zinke.


Also they used to just go with the lowest bid, but now they go with the company they have full faith in their ability to complete the contract.


Puerto Rico gov seeks to cancel $300M Whitefish contract https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/puert ... ar-AAuc7k1

Sure go ahead, all it does is cost you some cash money. Once the contract has been awarded money will go to the winner of the bid/contract.
Last edited by Laager on Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:48 pm

feanor wrote:There is no excuse for poo being in a tub and left in there short of "The house was on fire!" which would render the whole thing pretty moot.

I have to agree with you.......100% something are just plain wrong.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:36 pm

Lil and I are heading out of town for awhile to visit one of her sisters.

It may be awhile say sometime around or after the 10th of November, but I wondered if there is anyone interested in the story of Jackson?
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by crazyjim30 » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:39 pm

Laager wrote:Lil and I are heading out of town for awhile to visit one of her sisters.

It may be awhile say sometime around or after the 10th of November, but I wondered if there is anyone interested in the story of Jackson?
Sir, I am always interested in your stories. You're quite an entertaining individual.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Mon Oct 30, 2017 12:12 am

crazyjim30 wrote:
Laager wrote:Lil and I are heading out of town for awhile to visit one of her sisters.

It may be awhile say sometime around or after the 10th of November, but I wondered if there is anyone interested in the story of Jackson?
Sir, I am always interested in your stories. You're quite an entertaining individual.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

My wife and kids would probably not use those exact words........but they do seem to think I am a "poo" magnet. I will get it together and post it as soon as we get back.

Take care, watch your six and stay safe.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by feanor » Sun Nov 05, 2017 10:28 am

Laager wrote:
crazyjim30 wrote:
Laager wrote:Lil and I are heading out of town for awhile to visit one of her sisters.

It may be awhile say sometime around or after the 10th of November, but I wondered if there is anyone interested in the story of Jackson?
Sir, I am always interested in your stories. You're quite an entertaining individual.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

My wife and kids would probably not use those exact words........but they do seem to think I am a "poo" magnet. I will get it together and post it as soon as we get back.

Take care, watch your six and stay safe.
The difference between shit magnetry and funny story is usually time.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:29 pm

Jackson.......hmmmmm where do I begin........perhaps the beginning or darn close to it.

I transferred to a new unit and Jackson was the guy that was assigned to show me around the Post (Clark AB), now on a side note Nicknames.........Nicknames in the U.S. Army (at least back then could be something to do with you or something to do with your name (like Bobby "Blackdog" Magbulous) name, a play on your name, something stupid you did that might earn you a nickname, you never picked your own nickname. Oh and nicknames were earned, not given. You never, never, ever fought or committed on a potential nickname......usually it just caused a truly horrible one to stick. Just grin and bear it....and pray.....a lot.

Right into the second sentence after meeting Jackson he asks me if I smoke weed, Nope....not for me. Next important question, uhhhhh are you going to turn me in and do you drink?

He was trying to push the nickname "Jax" which was a popular beer (at least in my family) brewed in New Orleans up until the middle 1970's or so.

What he already had and was used regularly was "Rabbit". I asked a few of the guys in the Platoon how he picked up "Rabbit", but they said I would have to wait and see.

At first I thought it was because he could run like the wind. But after watching him during PT, well Turtle or Tortoise would have been a better fit.

It was no big deal, knowing how someone picked up a nickname, of course we had a couple of Fitz's, Mac, Ski and a few others, but I like knowing things.

Our job was OJT for the Philippines Army with some issues they were having down south in Mindanao. It's a twofer, muslim communists vs the established government. It is still going on.....Marcos had them on the rails, but he was overthrown before he could finish.

This was a small patrol consisting of eight soldiers total, 4 U.S. Soldiers and 4 Republic of the Philippine Soldiers and with us carrying about 75 pounds of assorted gear as we wandered around the jungle.

I had point, and to my horror I was also the assistant team leader, Blackdog Magbulous was the Pace man, right behind me, Rabbit was pulling the RTO slot Radiotelephone operator (we still had the PRC 10, but we had seen a few of the PRC 77's over in Korea.), with Corporal Banks next filling the slot as the Team Leader, then "Studley" as the compass man and then last but not least was "Ski" bringing up the rear.

Shadowing us in our positions were the RP Soldiers.

I liked filling the Pace slot, because it let me set the pace (almost always really, slow) and get a real good look at what was in front of us. Banks usually always let me pick my own route, but would tell me which direction we were supposed to be heading in, which was usually the compass man's job, Studley and I would go over it in advance so we were on the same page

Rabbit never pulled Pace and I wondered why but everytime I asked someone they told me I would figure it out. Mac told me I would figure it out on patrol.......my first thought was this farking guy was going to "rabbit" on us when the things were going south. Then I thought not......accidents do happen......

Everything was going we until the afternoon of the third day, we somehow ended up in the middle of a group of Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), I had to ask Corporal Banks why everyone thought that was funny.....hey we ran into a goup of MILFs eating lunch. But they were not the worse people running around down there, the Ilaga ( a Christian settlers in Mindanao to form a militia to fight the MILFs and Moro National Liberation Front (MNLF).

I had just stopped to take a really, really, really long look around because something was bothering me, when a MILF stood up and pointed at us.

It was not really what I would consider an ambush since all those MILFs were sitting around eating, heck the guy that stood up to point at us did not even have his M16 pointed at us, in fact it was still laying on the ground when I serviced the target.

We pushed through to the other side and had thrown up some M18 Claymores with SKi having the Pig (M60 medium machine gun, when I saw Rabbit standing still back where all this had started.

Everyone else opened up, serviced the targets in their area and pushed through the "ambush" (I still to this day do not know which side was more surprised, but I can say we opened fire first and made it through and out the other side before they could get their act together. There was 30 of them and 8 of us....well 7 since Rabbit did exactly what Rabbits tend to do, they freeze, lack of movement sometimes helps them avoid predators.

Freezing in the middle of a firefight with 30 (well less) pissed off MILFs is not a survival tactic that I would endorse.

In the end after all was said and done we had one wounded and the MILFs had 19 dead, no wounded and we collected a total of 30 assorted rifles.

Poor Rabbit took the only debilitating round of the entire fire fight......somehow one of the MILFs has managed to shoot one of his berries off......so he only had a twig and berry.

I was darn glad I was not the medic, Ocampo who was one of the RP soldiers was the medic on this trip out with Studley assisting.

One of Rabbits attempts to explain or justify his nickname had something to do with the amount of females that he had been with.......breeding like a Rabbit.......well having only one berry did not slow him down one bit....
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:05 pm

Whenever we captured one, for some odd reason they found it highly disrespectful for us to burst out laughing.........when they proudly claimed allegiance with MILFs.................
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by CG » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:40 pm

Laager wrote:Whenever we captured one, for some odd reason they found it highly disrespectful for us to burst out laughing.........when they proudly claimed allegiance with MILFs.................
I'm pretty certain there are a lot of guys who claim allegiance with MILFs.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Hiroshima_Morphine » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:08 am

CG wrote:
Laager wrote:Whenever we captured one, for some odd reason they found it highly disrespectful for us to burst out laughing.........when they proudly claimed allegiance with MILFs.................
I'm pretty certain there are a lot of guys who claim allegiance with MILFs.
Image

Did you see the news?

FAP (I assume) is a typo and should be AFP (English, Armed Forces of the Philippines) or FAF (Spainish, roughly translated [Forces Armed of the Filipinos]).

ETA: there is also an acronym in Tagalog (Native Filipino), but it isn't anything close to FAP.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:13 pm

Hiroshima_Morphine wrote:
CG wrote:
Laager wrote:Whenever we captured one, for some odd reason they found it highly disrespectful for us to burst out laughing.........when they proudly claimed allegiance with MILFs.................
I'm pretty certain there are a lot of guys who claim allegiance with MILFs.
Image

Did you see the news?

FAP (I assume) is a typo and should be AFP (English, Armed Forces of the Philippines) or FAF (Spainish, roughly translated [Forces Armed of the Filipinos]).

ETA: there is also an acronym in Tagalog (Native Filipino), but it isn't anything close to FAP.
I think there was a cultural gap when it came to us laughing about MILF, Corporal Banks had a talk with me and said from now on come to me when you have questions along these lines.

FAP = Film Academy of the Philippines (I enjoy watching Vice Ganda (Jose Marie Borja Viceral) Films.

I do know that we used to tussle with both MILF and Moro National Liberation Front (MNLF) forces as well as NPA, I was long gone by the time Abu Sayyaf showed up there, back around 86 or so.

Now I have some issue mess tins that have AFP on them, stands for Armed Forces Philippines. My wife asked me why I had U.S. Army mess gear inside the AFP tin......I smiled and said because Filipinos eat with their fingers and don't need utensils.....

Supposedly there is a group that goes by BIFF.....
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Flying Lead » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:53 pm

Milf on the headlines, that's funny. I once had lunch years ago with a Japanese guy that was a rep for Fag bearings. He had no clue.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:36 pm

Okay, I want to apologize for not get back on when I returned from my vacation trip.

First choice - James and his wife Susan, as well as Lil and myself with Dube and his wife Young-Hee. Four of us started off in the PI, while Dobe and Young-Hee went straight to Korea to wait for us. Now let's just say there was an incident involving James and his brother in laws with a couple of their friends at a family get together at Susan's family home. Which I might add now belongs to Susan. It does involve violence and well some just plain on meanassedness. Not really work related but funny as heck.

Second Choice - I can tell you the story of Corporal Terrance A. Galloway. Also known as just plain old Tag or in rear life Tag your it and not in a good way.

Third choice - A sniper hunt that never should have happened.

Take a vote or poll and I will get to it.
Last edited by Laager on Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Mad Mike » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:40 pm

Laager wrote:Okay, I want to apologize for not get back on when I returned from my vacation trip.

First choice - James and his wife Susan, as well as Lil and myself with Dube and his wife Young-Hee. Four of us started off in the PI, while Dobe and Young-Hee went straight to Korea to wait for us. Now let's just say there was an incident involving James and his brother in laws with a couple of their friends at our house. It does involve violence and well some just plain on meanassedness. Not really work related but funny as heck.

Second Choice - I can tell you the story of Corporal Terrance A. Galloway. Also known as just plain old Tag or in rear life Tag your it and not in a good way.

Third choice - A sniper hunt that never should have happened.

Take a vote or poll and I will get to it.
I vote for # 3

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by 91Eunozs » Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:54 pm

Laager wrote:Okay, I want to apologize for not get back on when I returned from my vacation trip.

First choice - James and his wife Susan, as well as Lil and myself with Dube and his wife Young-Hee. Four of us started off in the PI, while Dobe and Young-Hee went straight to Korea to wait for us. Now let's just say there was an incident involving James and his brother in laws with a couple of their friends at our house. It does involve violence and well some just plain on meanassedness. Not really work related but funny as heck.

Second Choice - I can tell you the story of Corporal Terrance A. Galloway. Also known as just plain old Tag or in rear life Tag your it and not in a good way.

Third choice - A sniper hunt that never should have happened.

Take a vote or poll and I will get to it.
Second for #3
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by CG » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:22 am

Laager wrote:Okay, I want to apologize for not get back on when I returned from my vacation trip.

First choice - James and his wife Susan, as well as Lil and myself with Dube and his wife Young-Hee. Four of us started off in the PI, while Dobe and Young-Hee went straight to Korea to wait for us. Now let's just say there was an incident involving James and his brother in laws with a couple of their friends at our house. It does involve violence and well some just plain on meanassedness. Not really work related but funny as heck.

Second Choice - I can tell you the story of Corporal Terrance A. Galloway. Also known as just plain old Tag or in rear life Tag your it and not in a good way.

Third choice - A sniper hunt that never should have happened.

Take a vote or poll and I will get to it.
All of the above, starting with #3.
Mater tua caligas gerit!

...I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to what I was thinking.

Laager
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Posts: 761
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 9:25 pm

Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Mon Feb 12, 2018 5:56 pm

Ok give me a few days to get some stuff squared away and I will start with #3 and work my way down.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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