That's why I keep a machete in my garage

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That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by TEC9man » Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:59 pm

Yesterday, when I got out of my car in my garage, I saw something move. There under the grate for my grill that was on the ground, lay a 3 foot snake. It must have thought it was invisible to me because it just sat there. I slowly walked over to where I hang my tools. I slowly slipped the GI issue machete from it's sheath. I slowly walked over to the grate. The snake just laid there not moving. I quickly flipped the grate and brought the blade down quickly on the serpent. It quickly moved, but I caught it halfway down it's body. Blood started spurting out. The next blow caught it just behind the head, severing it's spine. I then took the flat of the blade and smooshed it's head twice. For 3 minutes longer it's tail kept moving. But I definitely heard it's skull crunch under my blade. My wife came out of the house after she heard the blade hit the concrete. She freaked out as she had opened the garage door for me and had been within 2 feet of the snake. I kill about 2-3 snakes a year mowing the lawn. I live about 10 feet from a large river, so they are pretty common.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Rednex » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:01 pm

What kinda snake was it?
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by elkhills » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:06 pm

1. I'm glad you killed the snake.
2. I'm sorry if you ruined your machete.
3. You need a pet mongoose.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by PaleHorse » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:07 pm

Did you eat it?
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by raptor » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:13 pm

Just out of curiosity if the snake is not poisonous (or a non indigenous species) why kill them?

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by eazy » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:14 pm

Why did you kill the snake? Did it threaten you or did you just have to mutilate a innocent animal just so you could boast about it on the internet? :roll: Next you will be wining because you have mice,but you killed the snake that would have safely controlled their population.I don't mean to be a total dick but what the fuck? You could have left it alone and you more than likely wouldn't have ever seen it again.Or you could have used a broom to encourage it to leave your garage.Killing animals for no other reason than to kill them is fucked up.
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bonanacrom wrote:When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of the life draining out of a man's body as I crush his windpipe, silencing forever his irritatingly cheerful banter, when all I wanted was to pay for my coffee and leave. Get the sensation.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Salam9nder » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:17 pm

It was a snake, not a dragon, dude. I'll wager it was warming itself on your driveway before spending the night ridding your property of mice and other vermin. Good job.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by ZombieGranny » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:27 pm

Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Bluito23 » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:35 pm

+1 Kill the snake.

A cable guy in S FL was bitten by a Green Mamba snake that some moron kept as a pet. The guy survived, because he correctly identified the snake so he received the correct anti-venin meds.

I have iguanas foraging on the grass in my yard. I wish I could wack them, but I would be in trouble for capping one in city limits.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by The Highwayman » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:38 pm

Yeah, those Iguanas are real maneaters...... :roll:
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by eazy » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:43 pm

Of the TWO poisonous species in Wisconsin I doubt that either one was the one that was in his garage. :roll:
bonanacrom wrote:When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of the life draining out of a man's body as I crush his windpipe, silencing forever his irritatingly cheerful banter, when all I wanted was to pay for my coffee and leave. Get the sensation.
TravisM.1 wrote:I'm not squeamish about much, but I don't fuck with poop.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by raptor » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:44 pm

Zombiegranny only the rattlesnake on your list is poisonous.

Bluto23 is correct about the mamba here is a link to the story. LINK

If it is a green mamba (a poisonous, non-indigenous species) by all means kill it.
However why kill all snakes on sight?

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Y.T. » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:45 pm

ZombieGranny wrote:Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
mental note: don't go to Wisconsin. I don't need cheese that badly. ;)


seriously though, most of those snakes are non venomous or are not harmful to humans.

edit: simulposted. others said that already. :)
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by eazy » Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:54 pm

Y.T. wrote:
ZombieGranny wrote:Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
mental note: don't go to Wisconsin. I don't need cheese that badly. ;)


seriously though, most of those snakes are non venomous or are not harmful to humans.

edit: simulposted. others said that already. :)
Y.T. I think you have more to worry about in your own backyard than Wisconsin. :wink:
Arizona elegans philipi Painted Desert Glossy Snake
Arizona occidentalis eburnata Desert Glossy Snake
Arizona occidentalis noctivaga Arizona Glossy Snake
Chilomeniscus cinctus Banded Sand Snake
Chionactis occipitalis annulata Colorado Desert Shovel-nosed Snake
Chionactis occipitalis klauberi Tucson Shovel-nose Snake
Chionactis occipitalis occipitalis Mojave Shovel-nose Snake
Chionactis palarostris organica Organ Pipe Shovel-nose Snake
Coluber mormon Yellow-bellied Racer
Crotalus atrox Western Diamondback Rattlesnake
Crotalus cerastes Sidewinder
Crotalus lepidus klauberi Banded Rock Rattlesnake
Crotalus mitchelli pyrrhus Southwestern Speckled Rattlesnake
Crotalus molosus molosus Black-tailed Rattlesnake
Crotalus pricei pricei Twin-spotted Rattlesnake
Crotalus scutalatus scutulatus Mojave Rattlesnake
Crotalus tigris Tiger Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis abyssus Grand Canyon Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis lutosus Great Basin Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis nuntius Hopi Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis viridis Prairie Rattlsnake
Crotalus willardi Ridge-nose Rattlesnake
Diadophis punctatus regalis Regal Ring-neck Snake
Gyalopion canum Western Hooknose Snake
Gyalopion quadrangulare Desert Hooknose Snake
Heterodon nasicus kennerlyi Mexican Hognose Snake
Hypsiglena torquata deserticola Desert Night Snake
Hypsiglena torquata ochrorhyncha Spotted Night Snake
Lampropeltis getula californiae California King Snake
Lampropeltis getula splendida Desert King Snake
Lampropeltis pyromelena pyromelena Arizona Mountain King Snake
Lampropeltis triangulum taylori Utah Milk Snake
Leptotyphlops humilis Blind Snake
Lichanura trivirgata Rosy Boa
Masticophis bilineatus bilineatus Sonoran Whipsnake
Masticophis flagellum Coachwhip
Masticophis taeniatus taeniatus Desert Striped Whipsnake
Micruroides euryxanthus euryxanthus Arizona Coral Snake
Oxybelis aeneus Mexican Vine Snake
Phyllorhynchus browni Saddled Leaf-nosed Snake
Phyllorhynchus decurtatus Spotted Leaf-nosed Snake
Pituophis catenifer affinis Sonoran Gopher Snake
Pituophis catenifer deserticola Great Basin Gopher Snake
Rhinocheilus lecontei lecontei Western Long-nose Snake
Salvadora deserticola Big Bend Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora grahamiae grahmiae Mountain Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora hexalepis hexalepis Desert Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora hexalepis mojavensis Mojave Patch-nose Snake
Senticolis triaspis intermedia Green Rat Snake
Sistrurus catenatus edwardsi Desert Massasauga
Sonora semiannulata Ground Snake
Tatilla atriceps Mexican Black-headed Snake
Tatilla wilcoxi Chihuahuan Black-headed Snake
Tatilla yaquia Yaqui Black-headed Snake
Thamnophix eques megalops Northern Mexican Garter Snake
Thamnophis elegans vagrans Wandering Garter Snake
Thamnophis rufipunctatus Narrowhead Garter Snake
Trimorphodon biscutatus lambda Sonoran Lyre Snake
bonanacrom wrote:When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of the life draining out of a man's body as I crush his windpipe, silencing forever his irritatingly cheerful banter, when all I wanted was to pay for my coffee and leave. Get the sensation.
TravisM.1 wrote:I'm not squeamish about much, but I don't fuck with poop.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by ZombieGranny » Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:04 pm

Hey, what do I know - we don't have any poisonous snakes here.
I love living where it rains all year long... All we have are giant slugs.
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality.
If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
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Preps buy us time. Time to learn how and time to remember how. Time to figure out what is a want, what is a need.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Gatorfarmer » Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:24 pm

A shovel or garden hoe works better for killing snakes. Keeps one farther away from them during the killing.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Salam9nder » Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:48 pm

ZombieGranny wrote:Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
Holy shit! Garter snakes! Ribbon Snakes! Ringneck snakes! Green Snakes! For god's sake, don't get near them - they might POOP on you! Because that's the only defense that most of these snakes have. The milk snake, fyi, EATS venomous snakes among other things.

God, forgive us. We are retards.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Kabong30 » Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:53 pm

Uh, yeah, I say killing the snake was probably unnecessary. Snakes are good! They eat vermin! That and I'm a live and let live kinda guy. It my survival (or the survival of those around me) doesn't depend on me killing an animal, I don't kill the animal.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by ZombieGranny » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:06 pm

Salam9nder wrote:
ZombieGranny wrote:Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
Holy shit! Garter snakes! Ribbon Snakes! Ringneck snakes! Green Snakes! For god's sake, don't get near them - they might POOP on you! Because that's the only defense that most of these snakes have. The milk snake, fyi, EATS venomous snakes among other things.

God, forgive us. We are retards.
Why should you call me a 'retard' (a word I do not approve of anyway) just because I don't know anything about snakes that live 2,000 miles away?
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality.
If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
-
Preps buy us time. Time to learn how and time to remember how. Time to figure out what is a want, what is a need.

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by xombiechow » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:08 pm

for all that is good an holy can the OP please specify what snake it was. I am a live and let live kinda guy too so let's get some clarity before anyone is ready to start the lynch mob. ;)
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Sckitzo » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:12 pm

eazy wrote:
Y.T. wrote:
ZombieGranny wrote:Wisconsin snakes: Most don't seem to friendly to me.

North American Racer
Timber Rattlesnake
Prairie Ring-necked Snake
Northern Ring-necked Snake
Western Fox Snake
Eastern Hog-nosed Snake
Eastern Milk Snake
Smooth Green Snake
Northern Water Snake
Gray Ratsnake
Gophersnake
Queensnake
Eastern Massasauga
Brown Snake Northern Red-bellied Snake
Butler's Gartersnake
Western Ribbonsnake
Plains Gartersnake
Eastern Ribbonsnake
Eastern Gartersnake
mental note: don't go to Wisconsin. I don't need cheese that badly. ;)


seriously though, most of those snakes are non venomous or are not harmful to humans.

edit: simulposted. others said that already. :)
Y.T. I think you have more to worry about in your own backyard than Wisconsin. :wink:
Arizona elegans philipi Painted Desert Glossy Snake
Arizona occidentalis eburnata Desert Glossy Snake
Arizona occidentalis noctivaga Arizona Glossy Snake
Chilomeniscus cinctus Banded Sand Snake
Chionactis occipitalis annulata Colorado Desert Shovel-nosed Snake
Chionactis occipitalis klauberi Tucson Shovel-nose Snake
Chionactis occipitalis occipitalis Mojave Shovel-nose Snake
Chionactis palarostris organica Organ Pipe Shovel-nose Snake
Coluber mormon Yellow-bellied Racer
Crotalus atrox Western Diamondback Rattlesnake
Crotalus cerastes Sidewinder
Crotalus lepidus klauberi Banded Rock Rattlesnake
Crotalus mitchelli pyrrhus Southwestern Speckled Rattlesnake
Crotalus molosus molosus Black-tailed Rattlesnake
Crotalus pricei pricei Twin-spotted Rattlesnake
Crotalus scutalatus scutulatus Mojave Rattlesnake
Crotalus tigris Tiger Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis abyssus Grand Canyon Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis lutosus Great Basin Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis nuntius Hopi Rattlesnake
Crotalus viridis viridis Prairie Rattlsnake
Crotalus willardi Ridge-nose Rattlesnake
Diadophis punctatus regalis Regal Ring-neck Snake
Gyalopion canum Western Hooknose Snake
Gyalopion quadrangulare Desert Hooknose Snake
Heterodon nasicus kennerlyi Mexican Hognose Snake
Hypsiglena torquata deserticola Desert Night Snake
Hypsiglena torquata ochrorhyncha Spotted Night Snake
Lampropeltis getula californiae California King Snake
Lampropeltis getula splendida Desert King Snake
Lampropeltis pyromelena pyromelena Arizona Mountain King Snake
Lampropeltis triangulum taylori Utah Milk Snake
Leptotyphlops humilis Blind Snake
Lichanura trivirgata Rosy Boa
Masticophis bilineatus bilineatus Sonoran Whipsnake
Masticophis flagellum Coachwhip
Masticophis taeniatus taeniatus Desert Striped Whipsnake
Micruroides euryxanthus euryxanthus Arizona Coral Snake
Oxybelis aeneus Mexican Vine Snake
Phyllorhynchus browni Saddled Leaf-nosed Snake
Phyllorhynchus decurtatus Spotted Leaf-nosed Snake
Pituophis catenifer affinis Sonoran Gopher Snake
Pituophis catenifer deserticola Great Basin Gopher Snake
Rhinocheilus lecontei lecontei Western Long-nose Snake
Salvadora deserticola Big Bend Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora grahamiae grahmiae Mountain Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora hexalepis hexalepis Desert Patch-nose Snake
Salvadora hexalepis mojavensis Mojave Patch-nose Snake
Senticolis triaspis intermedia Green Rat Snake
Sistrurus catenatus edwardsi Desert Massasauga
Sonora semiannulata Ground Snake
Tatilla atriceps Mexican Black-headed Snake
Tatilla wilcoxi Chihuahuan Black-headed Snake
Tatilla yaquia Yaqui Black-headed Snake
Thamnophix eques megalops Northern Mexican Garter Snake
Thamnophis elegans vagrans Wandering Garter Snake
Thamnophis rufipunctatus Narrowhead Garter Snake
Trimorphodon biscutatus lambda Sonoran Lyre Snake
Oddly enough, haven't seen a live snake here for years...

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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by bonanacrom » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:24 pm

I would had started the grill.
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Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Stab74 » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:44 pm

You know I'm a live and let live kinda guy myself... unless its in my house. I'll kill fly's, spiders, even baby panda bears that come lurking unannounced. What do you think would happen to one of us if we stumbled into their abode? Thats right, dinner. Even the baby panda bear would eat your soul.
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Planet Terror
and a host of post-apoc/sci-fi/dystopia.
...4 words for you: deaf. amish. zombie killer.
...3 more words: machine. gun. leg.

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Location: Arizona, where the plants try to kill you and the sun tries to boil you alive

Re: That's why I keep a machete in my garage

Post by Y.T. » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:59 pm

ZombieGranny wrote:Hey, what do I know - we don't have any poisonous snakes here.
I love living where it rains all year long... All we have are giant slugs.
those giant slugs. step on one of those barefoot and *shudder*
we used to refer to them as "island pickles" after visiting Bermuda. ;)

re: snakes
the only reason I know that those snakes aren't poisonous is having grown up with some varieties of them. my family used to catch snakes and keep them in a terrarium when I was a kid. not like a farm of them or anything, just everyone now and them when one would get on the property.

the terrarium was, for some reason, kept in my room. only girl in the family. and the snake had to be in my room. which could be considered child abuse in some areas. ;) but really I got used to it quickly and don't fear all snakes as a result. actually, when I saw someone in the neighborhood kill a harmless small green gartersnake as a kid I was kinda sad.


but back to the OP...
if it wasn't a harmful snake maybe this could be used as a learning opportunity that (1) many snakes in your area don't need to be killed and (2) once you can identify the few venomous snakes near you at least you'll know you could kill a snake if needed. ;)
status update: Y.T. has not been eaten by zombies. She's busy in the analog world.
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