WWYD if being stalked?

Discuss those "what if" or "what would you do" scenarios you've been wondering about.

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Dabster
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WWYD if being stalked?

Post by Dabster » Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:24 pm

What would you do if you were being stalked? Let’s say it could be an angry neighbor, or a former romantic interest, or the former partner of your current romantic interest, the mob, the feds, a disgruntled former colleague, a librarian looking for overdue books or Al Queda…

Let’s assume that the appropriate authorities have been alerted and if applicable, a protection order obtained. What are some day-to-day things that you would continue doing? Obviously you would be paying greater attention but would you do much differently than you, as a tier one prepper, already do? Would you go to the grocery store? Let your kids go to school? Mow your lawn? Sleep?

I haven’t had issues of this nature since 8th grade. So I’m just wondering what you learned and prepared types would do.
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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by raptor » Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:32 pm

To me the real question is who is stalking and what do they want.

An ex-romantic interest will have a different skill set and risk profile than say a mob hit man or the feds.

If the feds really want you they will get you one way or another. I would get an attorney to find out what they wanted to go away.

A mob hit man is not really likely to be bought off. But by the same token they are not likely to have a reach into certain parts of the country.

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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by flybynight » Mon Jul 29, 2019 6:30 pm

Contact authorities, Gain restraining order. Arm up. Live your life normally but with alertness. If the person has threatened you with physical harm, that's assault. If the person has threatened your children , pretty sure the police will be more determined to arrest the person. I guess it depends on the person and their motive. But to tell the truth I have zero experience with former love interests. Which has always baffled me seeing as how I'm as loveable as stinging nettles > :awesome:
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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by Dabster » Mon Jul 29, 2019 6:32 pm

Okay, I'll start. Here are things I would do if I was aware of an ongoing threat against me or my family.
  • No one in my family would be alone.
  • Use this opportunity to upgrade or supplement my home security system
  • I would not be out in public solo
  • Public activities would be drastically reduced -I would try to avoid places where I can be cornered, shot or run down
  • Vehicle parking processes would be much more thoughtful
  • I would coordinate with friends and neighbors
  • Always armed
  • With an extra magazine
Obviously, if it was something short term, I would leave town until it could be resolved. What other swell ideas am I missing?
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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by Stercutus » Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:11 pm

Dabster wrote:
Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:24 pm
What would you do if you were being stalked? Let’s say it could be an angry neighbor, or a former romantic interest, or the former partner of your current romantic interest, the mob, the feds, a disgruntled former colleague, a librarian looking for overdue books or Al Queda…

Let’s assume that the appropriate authorities have been alerted and if applicable, a protection order obtained. What are some day-to-day things that you would continue doing? Obviously you would be paying greater attention but would you do much differently than you, as a tier one prepper, already do? Would you go to the grocery store? Let your kids go to school? Mow your lawn? Sleep?
I'd like to get protection orders from various Federal Agencies, I am thinking the ATF, IRS and a few others. They will not be allowed to contact or otherwise harass me.

I have posted a lot of this before but I guess maybe a refresher?

As Raptor pointed out these things go back to motive.

If the Mob is after you I guess find out what they want. This is almost always money. Most often money you would owe them from some type of criminal enterprise or gambling debts. I guess you won't be going to the police. If you have it, pay it and then move a couple of states away and change your identity. If you don't have it move now and farther away. If this threat is real you won't be able to deal with it.

If it is the librarian, take the books back.

When I was stalked by Al Queda I always made sure that everyone was locked and loaded before we left the IP Station in Fallujah. And then looked out for the RKG-3 thrower as he was inevitable. They don't worry me much in the US, Europe and most civilized countries. They are poorly resourced and have no infrastructure outside of the Middle East and I am never going back there again.

The former colleague and ex's-current booty call I kind of lump all together as yet another low level threat. The exception might be if I believe that they believe they have a genuine beef with me that has to be addressed. Also make sure the ex knows she is not on the insurance papers. 99.9% of the time these are just posturing hormones and go away with some introspection. Best to document, avoid and notify the police if you think there is a real threat. I had to fire a guy a few years back for cause. He was one of those loopy dunces that could not follow instructions, show up on time or even reliably. The day after that the tires on my work vehicle were mysteriously slashed. I told the police but of course I could never prove it was him. I guess he felt like he had to "get even" or something. I never heard from him again after that. Sometimes letting them have a little win is enough to make it go away.

The neighbor could actually be a real threat you might have to deal with. If you can't resolve the conflict then document, avoid and notify. Resolution is the best way to go though. Cameras are cheap and wonderful things when you think someone might be messing with your property. They can also help you get a warrant. Sometimes just the threat of a warrant will be enough to make an incensed neighbor back down, unless they really are nuts in which case you need to press everything on them.

Former romantic interests are the second biggest threat you will face if you are not involved in criminal activity. Most women who are murdered will be murdered by a domestic partner. Quite a few men get killed by domestic partners also but most often men get killed through criminal activity. This is a "go straight to the police" type situation. Break all contact, avoid at all costs and if you have a protection order enforce it with vigor. I recommend beefing up physical security on your residence and notifying the neighbors there is a problem with the ex and if they see him/ her to call the police.

However, many people won't do that. They will bounce in and out of the relationship with the stalker while the level of abuse incrementally rises. Even if they have a protection order they will voilate it on their own to resume the relationship. If this is the case there is no need to take any extra action. Just live your life and expect your stalker to kill you at some point.
Last edited by Stercutus on Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by woodsghost » Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:47 pm

Stercutus wrote:
Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:11 pm
They are poorly resourced and have no infrastructure outside of the Middle East and I am never going back there again.
It seems like Sweden and France have had some well resourced experiences with Al Quada. Sweden seems to have ongoing experiences if I'm reading things right.



I think I'd be recording certain phone calls and sending messages to the police in the place I live and the place I work.

Take different routes to work. Ask my wife to start keeping close watch on the local fauna.

I don't have much in the way of ex-lovers or ex-lovers of my wife, so that just leaves the Mob.

Ok. A lady at church was looking to become a lover/ex-lover, but I started wearing the extra big wedding ring and not talking to her, and that resolved things.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately because of the reactions different people have gotten when others don't like their online content. This has been an interesting read.
*Remember: I'm just a guy on the internet :)
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*Be courteous. Look normal. Be in bed by 10'clock.

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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by NT2C » Mon Jul 29, 2019 9:27 pm

Well, a topic that I have some minor experience with.

I've been stalked by exes and exes of exes. My usual way of handling that was direct confrontation, sometimes with a couple of friends to watch my back. It usually got settled without any roughness, maybe some harsh language and a love tap or two when it was the exes exes.

I've also been stalked by both local PD (never did find out why but they stopped after I surprised a really clumsy tail by going around a corner in the neighborhood I used to live in and ducking into an alleyway that allowed me to circle back and come out behind the guy tailing me and ask him what he thought he was doing following me) and by the FBI (a misunderstanding that was quickly cleared up when I talked with them, details upon PM request).

And, I've been stalked and followed by the Mob and a few local gangs in Brooklyn, mostly because they all wanted a cut of the vending and amusements business I was working for that happened to be owned by a real nutjob Cuban who tended to solve problems with copious amounts of gunfire in hallways and who always had other people unlock doors and start cars for him. It didn't help matters that I lived next door to and rented an apartment from the local "Italian-American Social Club" through the good graces and influence of the local junior mob boss who was backing the career of a guy I was good friends with, a singer named Jimmy Angel, who was a halfway decent Elvis impersonator. I'd hooked Jimmy up with some studio time at a friend's studio so he could cut an album and I did the photo work (photography was my hobby at the time) on the album jacket. Jimmy, in turn, hooked me up with some "people" I won't name but who had "connections", which is how I ended up as a paparazzi for Rona Barret and doing pics for Teen Beat and Tiger Beat in the late 70s. In any case, I was a very minor fringe character in a much larger turf war between the mob guys and the Hispanic gangs in that part of Brooklyn. Friendly to both sides because of my job and where I called home but watched carefully by both too. After one too many shootouts in a hallway over stupid shit, I finally wised up, realized I was going nowhere and moved to a better neighborhood, became an EMT, married a friend's sister, started raising a family and went to college while driving ambulances at night. I haven't really been stalked since.

Overall, I dealt with it the way we dealt with a lot of things in Brooklyn, direct confrontation, which sometimes tended to make people bleed. Sometimes I was the bleeder, sometimes the bleedee. Most of the time it was just walking a tightrope and trying not to piss off the powerful and just live your life, and sometimes, when you had it, a show of power, daring the other guy to make a move. I almost always had a blade of some kind on me then, and there was a 12 gauge pump by the bed at home. I watched where I walked and who walked with me, kept an eye on cars in my rearview and thought nothing of going right past a turn or highway exit if it just didn't feel "right". I'd drive around half the night sometimes, just getting the guard hairs on my neck to settle down. I still do that sometimes. Old habits are hard to break. I'm still very aware of cars in my rearview and cars that keep pace with me, I've been known to drive right past my house if someone is parked where they shouldn't be or someone is too close behind me. Hell, I've pulled into my neighbor's driveway and driven across my front lawn at times just to see what a car behind me might do. In public, I tend to watch hands. I forget who said it, maybe a Secret Service guy I once knew, but hands kill, always watch the hands.

I'm getting old though, and slow and fat and lazy, and I don't live in that mobbed-up part of Brooklyn anymore, so the old habits are at last starting to fade away. Sometimes I miss that time in my life quite a bit. Sometimes I wake in a cold sweat, amazed that I survived it.
Nonsolis Radios Sediouis Fulmina Mitto. - USN Gunner's Mate motto

Sic quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit; occidentis telum est - Seneca the Younger, Epistles

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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by flybynight » Tue Jul 30, 2019 10:30 pm

NT2C wrote:
Mon Jul 29, 2019 9:27 pm
Well, a topic that I have some minor experience with.

I've been stalked by exes and exes of exes. My usual way of handling that was direct confrontation, sometimes with a couple of friends to watch my back. It usually got settled without any roughness, maybe some harsh language and a love tap or two when it was the exes exes.

I've also been stalked by both local PD (never did find out why but they stopped after I surprised a really clumsy tail by going around a corner in the neighborhood I used to live in and ducking into an alleyway that allowed me to circle back and come out behind the guy tailing me and ask him what he thought he was doing following me) and by the FBI (a misunderstanding that was quickly cleared up when I talked with them, details upon PM request).

And, I've been stalked and followed by the Mob and a few local gangs in Brooklyn, mostly because they all wanted a cut of the vending and amusements business I was working for that happened to be owned by a real nutjob Cuban who tended to solve problems with copious amounts of gunfire in hallways and who always had other people unlock doors and start cars for him. It didn't help matters that I lived next door to and rented an apartment from the local "Italian-American Social Club" through the good graces and influence of the local junior mob boss who was backing the career of a guy I was good friends with, a singer named Jimmy Angel, who was a halfway decent Elvis impersonator. I'd hooked Jimmy up with some studio time at a friend's studio so he could cut an album and I did the photo work (photography was my hobby at the time) on the album jacket. Jimmy, in turn, hooked me up with some "people" I won't name but who had "connections", which is how I ended up as a paparazzi for Rona Barret and doing pics for Teen Beat and Tiger Beat in the late 70s. In any case, I was a very minor fringe character in a much larger turf war between the mob guys and the Hispanic gangs in that part of Brooklyn. Friendly to both sides because of my job and where I called home but watched carefully by both too. After one too many shootouts in a hallway over stupid shit, I finally wised up, realized I was going nowhere and moved to a better neighborhood, became an EMT, married a friend's sister, started raising a family and went to college while driving ambulances at night. I haven't really been stalked since.

Overall, I dealt with it the way we dealt with a lot of things in Brooklyn, direct confrontation, which sometimes tended to make people bleed. Sometimes I was the bleeder, sometimes the bleedee. Most of the time it was just walking a tightrope and trying not to piss off the powerful and just live your life, and sometimes, when you had it, a show of power, daring the other guy to make a move. I almost always had a blade of some kind on me then, and there was a 12 gauge pump by the bed at home. I watched where I walked and who walked with me, kept an eye on cars in my rearview and thought nothing of going right past a turn or highway exit if it just didn't feel "right". I'd drive around half the night sometimes, just getting the guard hairs on my neck to settle down. I still do that sometimes. Old habits are hard to break. I'm still very aware of cars in my rearview and cars that keep pace with me, I've been known to drive right past my house if someone is parked where they shouldn't be or someone is too close behind me. Hell, I've pulled into my neighbor's driveway and driven across my front lawn at times just to see what a car behind me might do. In public, I tend to watch hands. I forget who said it, maybe a Secret Service guy I once knew, but hands kill, always watch the hands.

I'm getting old though, and slow and fat and lazy, and I don't live in that mobbed-up part of Brooklyn anymore, so the old habits are at last starting to fade away. Sometimes I miss that time in my life quite a bit. Sometimes I wake in a cold sweat, amazed that I survived it.

Nearly every night , at some point in my dreams , I'm back in the early ninties. Not so much actual events that happened to me . But an amalgamation of situations I found myself in. I wouldn't want to relive those times ,but I was never more alert, fearful, brave, calm resourcefully alive at any point in my life.
As of now I bet you got me wrong

John Titor was right

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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by NT2C » Tue Jul 30, 2019 11:11 pm

flybynight wrote:
Tue Jul 30, 2019 10:30 pm
NT2C wrote:
Mon Jul 29, 2019 9:27 pm
I'm getting old though, and slow and fat and lazy, and I don't live in that mobbed-up part of Brooklyn anymore, so the old habits are at last starting to fade away. Sometimes I miss that time in my life quite a bit. Sometimes I wake in a cold sweat, amazed that I survived it.

Nearly every night , at some point in my dreams , I'm back in the early ninties. Not so much actual events that happened to me . But an amalgamation of situations I found myself in. I wouldn't want to relive those times ,but I was never more alert, fearful, brave, calm resourcefully alive at any point in my life.
Helluva feeling, wasn't it? :lol:
Nonsolis Radios Sediouis Fulmina Mitto. - USN Gunner's Mate motto

Sic quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit; occidentis telum est - Seneca the Younger, Epistles

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Re: WWYD if being stalked?

Post by RoneKiln » Tue Aug 06, 2019 12:43 am

I don't have kids, so I don't think I'd bother doing much different. I had enough people go after me when I was young and stupid that it doesn't seem that unusual to me in theory. Now, that was a long time ago and my brain and emotional states have evolved enough that I might be surprised at my own reaction.

I also several times in my youth tussled with some big angry dogs, and always felt I was fully capable of handling most dogs (there are a few in my area that could eat me whole). Then a few summers ago I was walking through a park in shorts and sandals and a nearby golden retriever flipped out and went after me. It was terrifying! It wasn't even that big of one! Half a lifetime ago I tore straight into far larger ones with a stupid amount of overconfidence. The clothing I wore back then made pretty good armor, but that's not really the difference. I've just changed. If the owner hadn't responded so fast and decisively with the dog, it would have kicked my ass.

So with that comparison in mind, I might respond very differently now to someone actively stalking and trying to harm me than I did half a lifetime ago. My brain works different now (better adjusted for modern civilization) and it's been a real long time since someone legitimately threatened me.

So I might go the opposite extreme and skip town till they lost interest.
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