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 Post subject: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:40 am 
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noncyr wrote:
Your mom called. Unless she's dead. If she's dead, then it was someone claiming to be your mom. Either way, she told us a few things about the way you've been living. She let us know how clean you are, and how good you smell. She told us how you have more than enough money to eat at fine restaurants, and buy gadgets, and drink clean water. She told us about your fancy clothes and Egyptian cotton sheets. Oh yes. We had a long conversation about you.

We both agreed that you shouldn't come to Z-Con IX: The Year Nothing Sucked. You'd hate it.

Seen we don't have fancy restaurants. You'll be expected to cook your food over a fire. A fire! Like a primitive.

That clean smell? 5 days and 4 nights camping on a 45 degree incline full of dirt and rock during the hottest time of the year will get rid of it. If you come to Z-Con, you're eventually going to smell like a zoo animal in heat. You'll be dirtier than a used diaper. The parts that aren't dirty will be flaming red from sunburn. Trust us. This isn't for you.

Don't click the link below. Definitely don't buy a membership. This event is attended by ZS members from across the continent. Have you met those people? Cray Zee. Someone from England came once. That guy hasn't been back in years. I heard he died from an overdose of Missouri.

If you attended, you might end up on a float trip, eating MREs and having beers on a river with these nut jobs. You might find yourself at a shooting range, surrounded by people offering to let you play with their toys or offering you instruction if you're new to firearms. Hell, there's a chance you'd be suckered into watching presentations about or participating in a hands-on demonstrations of various survival skills. How is any of that even remotely as awesome as playing Xbox on your 57inch HDTV? Hint: It isn't.

Oh my god. We haven't even mentioned the ticks, or Manbath(tm). This event is clearly not for you. That woman claiming to be your mom surely knows best.

So don't click the link. You don't need to watch nightly zombie movies under the stars. You've got bluray at home.

Don't buy one of the only 70 memberships available. Leave those for the fools who find this kind of thing fun.

Heat. Bugs. Dirt. This is clearly not for you. Eff that. Save the money for sushi. In fact, close this window. Go surf some porn or download some mp3s. We understand.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 9:46 pm 
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probably not making it this year for a list of reasons,

commence the shock and tears. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:55 pm 
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Will be there as usual. I think this year I will attempt to not actually become sober.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 8:50 am 
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Cheapest RT flights from Portland Maine to St. Louis are $450. Ouch! Anyone from the northern New England up for a road trip?

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:47 pm 
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majorhavoc wrote:
Cheapest RT flights from Portland Maine to St. Louis are $450. Ouch! Anyone from the northern New England up for a road trip?


Southwest has $180 one-way from Portland, ME to STL. Return trip is over $300 on the following Monday, though.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:49 pm 
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whisk.e.rebellion wrote:
majorhavoc wrote:
Cheapest RT flights from Portland Maine to St. Louis are $450. Ouch! Anyone from the northern New England up for a road trip?


Southwest has $180 one-way from Portland, ME to STL. Return trip is over $300 on the following Monday, though.


I'll keep looking. I'd really like to make this happen this year.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:03 pm 
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ZSC020 is looking forward to yet another Zcon :)

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:36 pm 
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majorhavoc wrote:
whisk.e.rebellion wrote:
majorhavoc wrote:
Cheapest RT flights from Portland Maine to St. Louis are $450. Ouch! Anyone from the northern New England up for a road trip?


Southwest has $180 one-way from Portland, ME to STL. Return trip is over $300 on the following Monday, though.


I'll keep looking. I'd really like to make this happen this year.


If you don't want to chance it with Priceline, Southwest is your best bet. Most of the time, Southwest isn't included with search engines like ITA Software or Hotwire or anyone else. I usually hit the discount search sites first, then hit Southwest to find that they're within $10 of the discount price PLUS Southwest lets you check two bags for free (a major plus for a week long camping trip).

I don't work for Southwest or anything like that, but -- being the only ZSI board member not in STL which, obviously, involves a bit of travel -- I've not found a flight (including baggage fees) for less than Southwest offers. The only real kicker is that their "gotta getaway deals" (the $180 one way flight I found) are non-refundable and cannot be changed without a fee.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 10:38 pm 
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Love the ad! :lol: Im still too broke to make it. :-(

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 12:03 am 
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Steph and I just registered. We'll be there.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 8:52 pm 
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Hello ZCon-ers! This will be my first Z-Con. So any advice? All of it. Just go. Spew forth the insanity.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 8:57 pm 
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I actually already have plans for that Thursday-Monday. Which is a pity, because it's in that nice gap before I start working at the new place, and just after I get my relocation bonus.

Maybe next year...


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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:35 pm 
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BJMadden85 wrote:
Hello ZCon-ers! This will be my first Z-Con. So any advice? All of it. Just go. Spew forth the insanity.


Go to REI, buy a Tick Key, put around your neck on a beaded chain (might come with one?), and leave it there. For practice you might try rolling first in superglue, then in watermelon seeds.

To prepare for the experience of sleeping on Mount Pointy, take a couple sets of polyhedral dice (D&D dice), stick them to a piece of plywood with some more superglue, prop one end of the plywood up on the bumper of your car, and then try laying down on it. Sleep well!

Wear a sombrero (or boonie hat), and slather yourself with sunscreen, especially the back of your neck and your shoulders, liberally and often. Or, if you're not sure that approach is for you, try pressing the back of your neck against the exhaust pipe of your car after it's been driven hard for a few hours, and see how you like it. (Pro-tip, if you don't like constantly smearing yourself with coconut-scented semen, buy an old white dress shirt, as thin as possible, at a thrift shop and wear it for sun protection.)

You should drink one 12-ounce glass of water per 12-ounce can of beer you drink. So get yourself a Camelbak, wear it constantly, and keep it full. If it's a 2 liter (72oz), you should drink all the water in it by the time you finish six beers. If it's a 3 liter (100oz), it's 8.3 beers. DO NOT MESS WITH THIS RULE. The heat will make you do two things: 1., cower in ManBath, where the only thing warm is the urine, and 2., drink shitty Wal Mart beer that tastes like cold urine. The heat and the beer will dehydrate the fuck out of you. You will experience terrible pain and misery, if not an actual medical emergency. So drink an ass-ton of water, as per the above schedule. (If you go Nalgene instead of Camelbak, it's one Nalgene of water per three beers.) Seriously, despite all the talk about preparedness etc., 90% of ZCON is sitting in ManBath drinking beer. Except on range day, when it becomes ClamBath.

Don't fuck with snakes. Seriously. It's in the rules, but also, Stephanie and I will cut your throat in your sleep.

Oh, if you've been meaning to try a Hennssey Hammock, or ENO, ZCON is the place to do it. Plenty of trees, no level ground. All the cool kids are doing it. I bought one and will be bringing it this year. Bring your own, as mine's only big enough for myself, no matter how closely we spoon.

Re: food, you've got basically two choices: pack a ton of camping food, like MRE's, Ramen, Taste of Thai, Taste of India, Mountain House, etc., or else run to Wal Mart every day for hot dogs and steaks. Better plan, bring the backpacking food, but then go to Wal Mart for things you actually want to eat. When you get home, put the uneaten backpacking food in your BOB. When it expires, eat it at home, drunk and alone.

Bring outdoorsy toys to show off and play with. Someone...Israel? Brought the Chinese Wonder Shovel, and my assessment of it went from "gimmick" to "THIS THING IS AWESOME!" Since other people are going to bring cool things, forcing you to go spend your hard-earned money keeping up with them, the only revenge you can get is bringing your own cool toys to inspire jealousy in their hearts so you can spend their money for them.

That's all I can think of for now. Oh, and have fun! See you there.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:51 pm 
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Zombie Squad need a frickin' corporate jet.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:40 pm 
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Probably can't go during the week, but may try to get in on the canoe drag.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:12 am 
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Jeriah wrote:
Wear a sombrero (or boonie hat), and slather yourself with sunscreen, especially the back of your neck and your shoulders, liberally and often. Or, if you're not sure that approach is for you, try pressing the back of your neck against the exhaust pipe of your car after it's been driven hard for a few hours, and see how you like it. (Pro-tip, if you don't like constantly smearing yourself with coconut-scented semen, buy an old white dress shirt, as thin as possible, at a thrift shop and wear it for sun protection.)


Ah the SPF 70 whale sperm. Still haven't found it in a 55 gallon drum.

Jeriah wrote:
Re: food, you've got basically two choices: pack a ton of camping food, like MRE's, Ramen, Taste of Thai, Taste of India, Mountain House, etc., or else run to Wal Mart every day for hot dogs and steaks. Better plan, bring the backpacking food, but then go to Wal Mart for things you actually want to eat. When you get home, put the uneaten backpacking food in your BOB. When it expires, eat it at home, drunk and alone.


The Canadians are often cooking up something tasty around the fire, and are willing to cook for others who put something in the pot. Also willing to cook for free for someone who will wash the dishes. Usually come up with something half decent too.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:54 am 
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Jeriah, I had tears and couldn't breathe reading your tips.


Out loud


To my wife


After waking her up to read them



She high fived me about the camping food getting eaten at home.

I have nothing else to add other than Sylvia and I will be there this year.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:55 am 
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Dammit, why do I always have to be out of country when the cool stuff happens. Someday, I'll make it to Z-Con.


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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:43 am 
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Jeriah, you forgot one.
Permethrin is your friend. Soak your clothes and gear in it and your chance of parasites like chiggers and ticks feeding off of you are low.

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:00 pm 
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Israel wrote:
Jeriah, you forgot one.
Permethrin is your friend. Soak your clothes and gear in it and your chance of parasites like chiggers and ticks feeding off of you are low.

Truf

also, if you soak your beer in manbath, make sure you blow the lid off well,
I came back with a case of giardia\crypto

one of the people I was with claimed I dunked an open beer... I don't remember it happening but its possible given my usual antics

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:24 pm 
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Rebel Pariah wrote:
Truf

also, if you soak your beer in manbath, make sure you blow the lid off well,
I came back with a case of giardia\crypto

one of the people I was with claimed I dunked an open beer... I don't remember it happening but its possible given my usual antics


How did you come down with a case of Crypto?

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:19 am 
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Israel wrote:
How did you come down with a case of Crypto?


He got some Crypto in his mouth.

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Intelligent safety conscious fireman snuffing telekinetic golems?
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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:03 am 
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At the rate things are going, another member from ZS:X might make it to Z-con X

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 Post subject: Re: Z-Con IX
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 9:36 am 
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Horatio_Tyllis wrote:
Israel wrote:
How did you come down with a case of Crypto?


He got some Crypto in his mouth.


This is never advised.

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