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What will you choose?
Stapler-it's metal and I guess I could staple a paper to ur face 26%  26%  [ 8 ]
Keyboard- I get one good wack 6%  6%  [ 2 ]
Corded Mouse- garrote 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Cordless Mouse- distraction 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Monitor/Deskstop- I crush you 19%  19%  [ 6 ]
secretary- eat her and spare me 42%  42%  [ 13 ]
Total votes : 31
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:02 pm 
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ZombieGranny wrote:
Yours wasn't the only one.
Several women have complained about the jokes lately. They get tiresome.

I had a hard time figuring out a tactful way of mentioning it... not sure I was successful.




You were. Hopefully, the others will see this and not be afraid to speak up.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2016 10:52 am 
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uncleben03 wrote:
Mad Mike wrote:
I hope all of you BRAVE MEN are proud of yourself for being willing to sacrifice that poor secretary in order to save your own worthless skin! Just think of how she would reward you later on! :clap:


Just depends. Is she a Helga/Beverly, or a Jessica/Lindsay/other hot chick name?


Hey now, now name discrimination. I'll have you know there's a Beverly at my work, and she is absolutely stunning.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:36 pm 
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we have knives in the communal kitchen...does that count for a 'normal' office

now the actual office (ambo/ambo station) has a lot more...interesting...possibilities

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:10 pm 
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Mad Mike wrote:
I hope all of you BRAVE MEN are proud of yourself for being willing to sacrifice that poor secretary in order to save your own worthless skin! Just think of how she would reward you later on! :clap:




Reminds me of when I used to live in Alaska. One of my brothers was coming up to visit (go Salmon fishing) and he called to ask me what type of pistol or rifle I carried while out in the wilds.

I carry my Ruger Mark II .22LR with a couple of extra mags.

He said I should switch to something a lot larger, like a 454. Casull or .480 Ruger, since the .22LR would not stop a bear.

I told him I did not like the added weight of a pistol that size, along with the reloads. Besides it wasn't for shooting the bear, it was for the people I was fishing with.....with any luck the bear will stop to check out the noise. So like they say up there you don't need to be faster than a bear, just faster than the other guy.

My friends started laughing and said why do you think we bring you....you're a cripple and can't run worth a darn.

It was a common joke up there, and sometimes involved a Moose instead of a bear.

I have had some office co workers that I have serious doubts about risking life and or limb for both male and female. I like to think that I would stop to help, but it would really depend on the circumstances.

Unfortunately the choice of using office furniture (chairs and desk/file cabinet drawers comes to mind) as a weapon was not given, I suppose my choice would be the keyboard.

My office usually had shovels, hammers and other CE type tools stuck in the corners as well as military pioneer tools (shovel, an axe and a pick-axe), but they were starting to phase them out in favor of something more compact.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 1:13 pm 
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I chose the monitor/desktop. Just because there's something to be said for keeping it simple in a high stress/panic situation, and nothing says simple like using a large heavy object to smash things.

Fortunately the only office I work in these days is at home, I have a lot better options at hand this way. :clap:

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:51 pm 
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Mad Mike wrote:
I hope all of you BRAVE MEN are proud of yourself for being willing to sacrifice that poor secretary in order to save your own worthless skin! Just think of how she would reward you later on! :clap:


If you saw our Admin you would run towards the Zombies. Seriously. A really mean person with the looks to match.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 4:06 pm 
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teotwaki wrote:
Mad Mike wrote:
I hope all of you BRAVE MEN are proud of yourself for being willing to sacrifice that poor secretary in order to save your own worthless skin! Just think of how she would reward you later on! :clap:


If you saw our Admin you would run towards the Zombies. Seriously. A really mean person with the looks to match.




UMMM, I still think I'd choose the mean admin over a pack of hungry zombies! :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 4:25 pm 
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Hmmm, lets see...

Tactical pen - No
Kershaw Blur - Nope
Kershaw Cryo II - nnnnno
PPS40 w/ HST - uh-uh
Jar of Sunflower seeds - lookin' good
Calcoolater - better

Hey, I have two mouses, I can tie 'em together and make rudimentary set of nun-chucks - Best :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:36 pm 
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Mad Mike wrote:
UMMM, I still think I'd choose the mean admin over a pack of hungry zombies! :mrgreen:


LOL. I wish I could post a picture but everyone would need to bleach their eyes out :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:38 pm 
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MacWa77ace wrote:
Hmmm, lets see...

Hey, I have two mouses, I can tie 'em together and make rudimentary set of nun-chucks - Best :mrgreen:


So that was you I saw in a picture!! So awesome! :v:

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:14 pm 
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Guy secretary, Girl secretary, Talking Orangutan whatever floats your boat, the point is your options are limited. Pop quiz hot shot what do you do?

Answer: shoot the hostage cause you have a need...... for speed :lol:



ZombieGranny wrote:
Is this thread supposed to be titled "Rate your secretary for hotness"?

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 4:08 pm 
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ZombieGranny wrote:
Yours wasn't the only one.
Several women have complained about the jokes lately. They get tiresome.

I had a hard time figuring out a tactful way of mentioning it... not sure I was successful.


You successfully articulated the issue I was having with the thread. It's not just women who get tired of the same unfunny "jokes".

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Seriously, I'm not sure I'd fuck with Ad'lan if he had his bow with him. I just don't see that ending well.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 2:40 am 
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And back on topic, Image

It's got to be Keyboard all the way.

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Cymro wrote:
Seriously, I'm not sure I'd fuck with Ad'lan if he had his bow with him. I just don't see that ending well.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 6:44 pm 
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Ad'lan wrote:
And back on topic, Image

It's got to be Keyboard all the way.


Nice keyboard action shot and a fun way to say F#%^ You without the typing censor-bots intervening :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:56 am 
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Hmm, grabbing the scissors first sounds good, maybe if I have a steel ruler, wrap one end in tape as a handle. Then dash for the janitor's closet for broom and mop handles and anything else that would work as a long weapon.

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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 10:01 pm 
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Heavy stapler in one of my tube socks

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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 11:25 pm 
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I'm sitting here looking at 3 stanchions. Hard to hold onto but I'm sure I could figure something out. I hit my shin with one when I was moving it damn things are sold!

Also the airline industry LOVES old skool stuff. We have hundreds of dot matrix printers, I'll use that over a keyboard.

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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 2:32 am 
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The bottom of a swivel chair. Wrap an electrical cord around it and swing away!

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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 12:21 pm 
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Since my secretary is typically in her office, several blocks away from my main office (which is a pickup) or several blocks further from my physical office - I'd go with what's handy.
Using your list - the power cable from the pc to the staple for flail.
Reality - the 1911 on my hip or the rifle behind the seat of my truck, or the machete in the tool box, or the estwing 'hawk attached to my ems jump bag, or the 8 lb sledge in the toolbox, or the catch pole in the crib, or any of the larger wrenches in the toolbox, or the hydrant key under the seat.....


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 4:16 pm 
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SRO1911 wrote:
Since my secretary is typically in her office, several blocks away from my main office (which is a pickup) or several blocks further from my physical office - I'd go with what's handy.
Using your list - the power cable from the pc to the staple for flail.
Reality - the 1911 on my hip or the rifle behind the seat of my truck, or the machete in the tool box, or the estwing 'hawk attached to my ems jump bag, or the 8 lb sledge in the toolbox, or the catch pole in the crib, or any of the larger wrenches in the toolbox, or the hydrant key under the seat.....




HMMM, can I ride with you??? :wink:


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 6:08 pm 
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Mad Mike wrote:
SRO1911 wrote:
Since my secretary is typically in her office, several blocks away from my main office (which is a pickup) or several blocks further from my physical office - I'd go with what's handy.
Using your list - the power cable from the pc to the staple for flail.
Reality - the 1911 on my hip or the rifle behind the seat of my truck, or the machete in the tool box, or the estwing 'hawk attached to my ems jump bag, or the 8 lb sledge in the toolbox, or the catch pole in the crib, or any of the larger wrenches in the toolbox, or the hydrant key under the seat.....




HMMM, can I ride with you??? :wink:


Only if you're ready to go to work. And have a narrow posterior.
My guys gripe that there's not a lot of room in my truck . I think when the city replaces it next year I'm going to up the bid to a crew cab. As it is, I've got the typical cross bed tool box, a single side box and a smaller knack type job box that gets swapped out for either my porta-kennel or skid rig.


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