Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

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DannusMaximus
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by DannusMaximus » Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:29 pm

by-the-throat wrote:The Coyote Encounter - Not that I disliked this scene but I have two small nits to pick with it. First off, even in the non PAW, small dog = snack for coyote. I've buried the remains of plenty in my time. I doubt very much they'd just let him go while they root for chicken nuggets on the floor. And secondly I think this could have been an epic fight scene-I know that a story doesn't have to have a fight scene but I saw the potential for a good, desperate one there. I dunno how he would survive it-those are long odds-but I feel like the little guy deserved to kick some ass sometime. Maybe a running battle would have been the thing here.
AWESOME IDEA IS AWESOME!

I've completely rewritten that segment based on your excellent feedback. As soon as I read your suggestion I could see the fight in my head. You know what? This little guy wouldn't have survived if he hadn't been willing to lay it all on the line, so that's what I had him do. I would encourage anybody who has been reading to go back and reread that segment. I think it really adds a different aspect to Buddy's personality, and must say I enjoyed writing a bit of action into the story.

Thanks for all the constructive criticism, by-the-throat! I appreciate you taking the time to do that. I really didn't put a whole lot of thought into the human characters, honestly. In the first few chapters I tried to show that they really loved Buddy and didn't want to leave him but had no choice, and I also needed some way to reintroduce them into the story so I didn't end up having to write something like "...and then Buddy suddenly spotted his humans across the field and they were all together again!" I wasn't sure how to do that. I had actually originally decided that The Man would be the one standing watch and almost shooting Buddy when he showed up in camp, but thought it would add a bit more tension if I made it another person. I do love to draw out the tension in a story. :twisted:

Watership Down is one of my top 5 favorite books of all time. Incredible read. I actually borrowed really heavily from Stephen King when it came to the animal communications, believe it or not. His writing from Cujo's perspective is amazing, and he also writes briefly from a dog's perspective in The Dome. I figured animals of similar background or IQ could communicate rather efficiently, and as their backgrounds or intellect levels began to disconnect it would become harder for them to do so. At some point Buddy would have stopped being able to communicate at all with certain types of animals (like frogs or fish) or would have great difficulty with similar animals from a radically different background or social structure (the coyotes for example). The dumber or smarter the animal the simpler the communications would have to be. I actually had sketched out a segment where Buddy pals up with a little dog (like a Shi-Tzu or Pomeranian or something)and they have a more extensive 'conversation' but nuked it because I thought it was too cutesy.

Anyway, thanks again for the great feedback. Glad you enjoyed the story, I really did like writing it!
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by TacAir » Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:47 pm

DM - fun, ain't it?

Thanks for sharing.

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by dumb blonde » Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:13 pm

Excellent re-write!

I can well believe in a small dog driving off larger dogs. I've seen it myself when my tenterfield terrier drove off a rottweiler invading 'his' territory. (Rottie looked so funny trying to run while he was sitting down to protect his 'delicate' parts LOL)
It all comes down to the size of the fight in the dog not the size of the dog in the fight.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by Mister Dark » Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:08 am

Thank you for a fantastic story. I really loved it. And yes, the rewrite was awesome!

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by nathat » Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:24 am

For the human scene, it could be from Buddy's prespective from the bush, but he heard a gunshot and was terrified to go into camp so he watch. Then he couldn't stand it anymore and ran into camp as you wrote. Just if you feel that part is clunky.

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by ZMace » Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:12 pm

The addition of the coyote scene was amazing, great story overall.

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by FlashDaddy » Fri Dec 09, 2011 6:28 pm

That was a great story, DM. Really, a great story.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by Gingerbread Man » Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:12 pm

What page is the coyote rewrite on? I can't find it. Great story.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by DannusMaximus » Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:42 pm

Regular Guy wrote:What page is the coyote rewrite on? I can't find it. Great story.
Page 4, after the second doc66 comment. It's about the 6th post on that page, I think.

Thanks for all the feedback guys! Glad you liked the story!
Holmes: "You have arms, I suppose?
Watson: "Yes, I thought it as well to take them."
Holmes: "Most certainly! Keep your revolver near you night and day, and never relax your precautions..."

- The Hound of the Baskervilles

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by Gingerbread Man » Fri Dec 09, 2011 8:36 pm

Wow, great rewrite. Loved the story.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by ForgeCorvus » Fri Dec 09, 2011 8:48 pm

Coyote rewrite.....Oh yes

Terrier mindset captured perfectly

Remember that all dogs (even the little yappy rat-like things that bimbos carry round in handbags) are really wolves with human souls.... In other words a combination of two of the most dangerous beasts on the planet
I'm English, our Government doesn't trust us to have real guns........or decent pocket knives for that matter
Good job theres no such thing as a Trebuchet licence :D

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by swggeekgirl » Sat Dec 10, 2011 4:25 am

Didn't get a chance to tell you, but this is an amazingly heart moving story, the encounter between Buddy and the German Sheppard was heart wrenching and tears were unchecked as they poured down my face. I seriously though it was the most amazing piece of writing I have read in a long time. Dan thanks for sharing this beautiful story with us. As much as it tears at me, it's easier to root for animals, especially dogs and cats for me, than it is humans, warped huh? :)

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by ForgeCorvus » Sat Dec 10, 2011 5:51 am

swggeekgirl wrote:.....As much as it tears at me, it's easier to root for animals, especially dogs and cats for me, than it is humans, warped huh? :)
Nope, animals just are. Its humans that bugger stuff up
I'm English, our Government doesn't trust us to have real guns........or decent pocket knives for that matter
Good job theres no such thing as a Trebuchet licence :D

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by doc66 » Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:30 am

I still think he should have eaten something. Like the coyote. Spoils of victory and all.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by debralee » Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:55 pm

Loved your story and the rewrite is just fantastic. Thanks for sharing it.

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by SteveD » Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:33 pm

Just wanted to add my thanks for the good story..
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by GotMak » Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:06 pm

Great story!
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by grumpydaysleeper » Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:38 pm

Thank You for sharing this wonderful story with us. I am a dog owner, (2 chihuahuas) and one of them has the heart of a lion. I can see Buddy fighting tooth and nail so he can continue his quest to find his humans. Loved how the story was from a dog's perspective, utilizing it's senses. Any plans on future adventures for Buddy?

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by Nancy1340 » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:05 pm

Loved it! Thanks

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by elyons68 » Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:21 pm

Amazing story! I imagined my two little dogs the whole time and it made me feel strongly for little buddy! What a trouper. I really was going to mad(understatement) if you let him die before he reaches his humans!!!!! Great story, already told several people they need to read it. Wasn't too long, couldve read this on and on. Loved the interactions between buddy and other animals, I always wonder if they have forms of communications. I think they do. And I'm glad buddy beat up the coyotes I hate those bastards they're evil. Awesome job thanks! :D

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by doc66 » Wed Apr 04, 2012 7:36 am

I'm pimping this story to everyone I know who has a dog, BTW. Omega Man, you need to get over here and read this.
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by jehicks87 » Sun May 06, 2012 3:50 am

EXCELLENT STORY!!!

Honestly, I expected the ending to be something like this:

"The man walked away with a notable spring in his step, one that hasn't been there for quite sometime.

:::etc, etc, etc:::

Then comes summer, the snow melts and the zombies overrun everything. Everyone dies.

THE END"

Lol. Glad you didn't! F'sho f'sho! EXCELLENT STORY!!!
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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by Gun_Nut_2k1 » Sun May 06, 2012 4:30 am

Wow! Just freaking good story so far. I starting reading this and had my Bala in my lap. When the family left Buddy behind I had to think about leaving my three little guys behind. I just couldn't do it. Just not fucking gonna happen. Made me tear up a little to think about it. Yeah so I am a sissy. :oops:

Edit to add:
Just finished the story. Well done. I wish you would put the short on Amazon so I could have it on my kindle. I didn't get to see the Coyote scene prior to the rewrite. What happened?

Lots of people have dogs. Until you have a small dog, like a Chihuahua, you will never know Dogged Determination. I have watched my 4 pound male puppy snap and go from a little whiny baby dog to a snarling "I am gonna kill you and feast on your soul" demon chasing a Chow Chow ten times his size out of the yard. I have seen my Alpha Female step into a friends house and take over the pack so to speak. Crazy how much will power these guys have!

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Re: Buddy (A dog's view of the ZPAW)

Post by DannusMaximus » Mon May 07, 2012 2:13 pm

jehicks87 wrote:EXCELLENT STORY!!!

Honestly, I expected the ending to be something like this:

"The man walked away with a notable spring in his step, one that hasn't been there for quite sometime.
:::etc, etc, etc:::
Then comes summer, the snow melts and the zombies overrun everything. Everyone dies.

THE END"
:lol: Considering how I ended my last story that could have been entirely possible! I couldn't do that to Buddy, though, too much of a sucker for dogs.
Gun_Nut_2k1 wrote:I didn't get to see the Coyote scene prior to the rewrite. What happened?
Nothing really happened - - that was the problem. I basically just had Buddy approach the van, the coyotes came out from under / inside it and they had a brief stare-off until Buddy slunk away. Boring, and about 3 sentences long. It wasn't until By-the-Throat mentioned that would have been a good fight scene that I started writing the updated version. Really added to the story, IMHO, and it was also awesomely fun to write.

Thanks for the continued feedback, folks! Makes me happy that the adventures of Buddy are still getting read and enjoyed, and I love the pictures people are posting of their dogs!
Holmes: "You have arms, I suppose?
Watson: "Yes, I thought it as well to take them."
Holmes: "Most certainly! Keep your revolver near you night and day, and never relax your precautions..."

- The Hound of the Baskervilles

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