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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 8:05 am 
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nothing like a good ole fashioned hurricane and 10's or thousands of fleeing refugees to help change your spouses mind.

my late wife thought it was a waste too till Hurricane Katrina rolled in. no power for 2 weeks. only food was what was already in the pantry. after that, she was grabbing an extra case of water, can of beans or bag of rice, etc.

My lovely new bride is a prepper. her mom taught her how to prepare for "when the grid goes down". :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:21 pm 
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Sit down and write out the "what" you are concerned about.
Then think on it.
How do you need to respond.
What types of preps you need.
Then role play in your mind what to discuss it with your beloved.

Go over your budget.
Yes, you should have a budget.

Figure out what it truly costs to run your household for one month, one quarter and one year.

Start your debt reduction plan if it is needed.

Start your emergency fund.

Make goals with her on how to face your financial future.

It is easier to logically discuss with her how many sanitary pads she needs per month versus bullets for target practice.

If you go with the angle of how to feed our family if gosh forbid one of us gets ill or injured you will have more success.

Remember to store what you use and use what you store.

Take her to ready.gov or other sites to make your family plan.

If you can take her to an Apple Seed shoot.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 9:31 am 
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My wife thinks I go overboard as well. Watching the show Doomsday Preppers has shown her that the way I treat prepping in more of a "hobby" compared to those folks. She's good with having some food and water laid in, doesn't mind guns and ammo (she'd say I'm overboard on that stuff though - even though I'm really, REALLY not). Not knowing where you guys are, spiritually, this may not apply but a significant turning point for us was an argument we had about it a year or so ago. We're both Christians, and I explained to her that I felt my #1, spiritual duty as a Christian, right behind sharing the Gospel, was the protection of her and our kids. My job is to make sure that they are protected and provided for in any situation, whether that be a grid-down scenario, a riot, a hot burglary, a flat tire on the side of the road, or a skinned knee from a bike wreck.

For her to suggest that I do a bad job at that, is like me suggesting she not worry about getting the kids fed at night, or to stop caring about her job which brings in most of our money and that's not fair.

She saw my point of view (which I genuinely hold - this wasn't just a way to win the argument) and we sort of agreed that I'd slow it down to a more gradual pace, which I've done and was fine with, given where we'd gotten to.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:23 pm 
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I prep for Zombies :mrgreen: , but she thinks we are prepared in case of hurricanes, power outages, unemployment, and car breakdowns, etc. And says I have an arsenal. :roll:

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Didn't see where you lived but every part of the country has it's specific and regular natural problems.

West coast: Fires, Earthquakes, Drought
Bread Basket: Tornadoes
Mountains: Avalanche, mudslides, Volcanos
Missisippi Valley: flooding
East Coast: Hurricanes, Flooding
Gulf Coast: Hurricanes, Flooding
North: Ice Storms, Blizzards, Power outages

None of these events scream paranoia. Pick one and use that as the reason to stock up on stuff for TEOTWAWKI. Try to stay away from terms like 'pandemic', 'terrorist', 'global economic collapse', or home invasion', you're actually prepping for those by prepping for the natural disasters so you don't need to use those words.

Also be careful in your wording describing what you're doing, saying Prepping or Survivalist are sometimes interpreted by the unprepared as 'nutjob'. So just say things like, you know when the power went out for a week last winter, what do you think about getting a generator? Or what if we can't get to the store for x amount of time, maybe we should stock up on some non perishables too, how should we go about that? Or, I read that we should have 6 months emergency fund in case of loss of work or health issues, we only have 2, we should allocate another $x into savings until we reach that goal, what do you think? What if the car breaks down in ___________, that's an overnight walk from there, what do you think we'd need to 'get back home', etc, etc, etc. "We need to get ready..."

Its probably a bad idea to come up with scary scenarios to justify a gun purchase too. [Ammo/accessories/guns etc.]
So no Zombies, Terrorists, Tyrannical Gubment, Home invaders, Rapists, Meth Heads, or other scaries that you would need 'em to protect against, just...

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... a simple 'Honey' I just like guns, it's a hobby, hunting, shooting, I need it for a class, etc, should do. And never describe the classes as combat tactics or training but firearms safety classes. "the instructor requires everyone to have their own body armor". Or it's a three gun safety course and I don't have a shotgun. But definitely use a cash based gun fund that's separate from anything that has written documentation like credit card statements or bank accounts. Give yourself a cash allowance each week/month for that kind of stuff.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:26 pm 
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Focus on the essentials, like food, water and first aid. Downplay the "fun stuff" like guns, ammo and tactical gear.

A lot of incredibly good advice has already been given. Show her the recommended minimum of food and water you should have on hand, and then tell her it is much better to be safe than sorry. Show her that buying food in bulk, and then properly storing and rotating it is also a smart economical decision. Make sure you shop around for sales and bargains. That way if she criticizes you for buying what she sees as an "absurd" amount of something, tell her that it was a great deal, and we will end up using it in the long run "emergency or not".

Next, look into practical items that would come in handy whether in an emergency or not. Tools/materials, a generator, fire extinguishers, some sort of gas grill/burner. It is hard to argue these items if you cite specific time you have used them or needed them.

For outdoor/survival type gear, the best way to prove the reason to need it is to actually go out and use it. If you've got 2 or 3 boxes of camp and survival gear that she has never seen you use, she may think you are being silly for owning it. So go camping, hiking and if you hunt, hunt. Either with or without her. If she knows it is stuff you are actually using, then she probably won't think it is odd to own.

As far as firearms and related accessories, play it up as recreational enthusiasm, rather than trying to push the "I need this to survive the apocalypse" angle. Be safe and organized with your gear. If she sees guns laying around, ammo and magazines strewn about and tucked in random places, and a big pile of LBE gear just chilling in you closet... she will get a bad impression. Lock up your stuff. Keep it neat and organized. I don't mean to generalize an entire gender... but most women really appreciate when you keep things neat.

Tell her that it is important to learn proper firearm safety if she is in a house with a gun, even if she has no plans on using one. Show her they are nothing to be afraid of if handled properly. If she begins to show acceptance and interest invite her to come with you to the range one day. She will be able to talk to other people there, and get there inputs on why they own guns.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:08 pm 
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If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
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Preps buy us time. Time to learn how and time to remember how. Time to figure out what is a want, what is a need.


Last edited by ZombieGranny on Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:11 pm 
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Sworbeyegib wrote:
but most women many people really appreciate when you keep things neat.

FTFY. :wink: The most picky neatnik I know and love is a guy, and my husband is much neater than I am, which bugs him at times.

Figure out what your spouse's issue with what you do for prepping is, and address that. If it's money, come to a budget (since you should have the 3-6 month cash reserve anyhow). If it's storage space, (some people don't like crammed closets, what's up with that...) find a compromise. If it's that they're scared by thinking of why these things would be needed, either arrange it so they don't have to think of it (short term) and gently ease them in to the idea that being prepared makes these events less scary. If it's being scared of guns, then making sure your guns are safe, and gently teaching them so they're not scared. Basically, all the strategies suggested about address a lot of the most common issues.

As has been pointed out, a lot of important preps are really normal things - like gas grills, working fireplaces, insurance, supplies for a power outage or a water outage.

If it's just that they Don't Get It? Well, I don't "get" a lot of things people do for fun, including watching football or playing fantasy Nascar, but as long as it's not hurting me then that's not a problem. You probably should have some hobbies that don't overlap. If you've got a lovely gun collection going (someone I know says that money's not wasted, just "very poorly invested" :lol:) then you should make sure she feels happy with with her classic car or her scrapbooking or jewelry collection.

And definitely go camping with the bug out gear! It needs testing! And is a very family oriented activity, if you've got kids. If she can't stand the great outdoors, go camping without and let the other person have a "girls/boys" weekend, togetherness is great but being apart for a little can be really good for a relationship too.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 7:53 pm 
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In my case its my mom who thinks I'm nuts not my spouse(don't have one at the moment). I have tried to give her valid reasons of having a supply of food on hand, but its gone from I'm in a cult, to doomsday prepper to hoarder.

What I have a hard time comprehending is why? Why is it so hard to understand why I would want a supply on hand.

I want it as insurance, I spent a month living in a hotel eating thin rations, to make sure my kids didn't go hungry, by the time I got to where I am now my hair was thinning out considerably and starting to fall out, due to stress and lack of nutrients, but I made sure the kids had full bellies.

When she was a child she went through a nasty natural disaster, which frankly prepping for might not have done much good as the entire house was blown away, but I would have thought that might have instilled a sense of wanting to keep a supply of basics on hand.

And frankly where we live if there is an ice storm, the store shelves clear out quick and good luck finding food if you don't already have it. That happened twice last year, bare shelves and what was there probably wasn't the best.

That's just the food/water front, the firearms is a whole new kettle of fish.

I understand she dislikes firearms, a lot. As it stands I have all of one firearm, and I keep it locked up and out of her sight at all times unless I am going to the range.

I am my father's daughter, I like sharp pointy objects, I like things that go boom, but when it comes to keeping my family safe, I will own them, but in a safe, controlled location, and they are not readily accessible to the children, or her(in other words locked up). But at the same time, I want to have something on hand, on the off chance I run into my ex, and or if I wind up in a not so great area of town, courtesy of my GPS(it has happened, lol)

I try to keep things reasonable, and am working on making some stuff "disappear", but at least if things go south, or if I get hurt and can't work or if I get laid off, at least I know we'll be protected, and fed, and that matters to me, if not to her.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 12:11 pm 
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Mikeyboy wrote:
ineffableone wrote:
Final thing if none of that works, ask them to just accept you are into it. That it is your hobby and it is no different than fantasy football, or restoring old cars, or other "guy" stuff hobbies. If all your other efforts failed most SOers will accept this as a harmless pass time for their spouse.


+1

My wife is somewhat happy with my choice of hobbies.

Camping, prepping, and gun buying/shooting is surprisingly less expensive and/or less detrimental to a marriage then say golf, fixing up old cars, gambling, or boozing.




I can't recommend camping enough.

All you have to do is go a few times a year. Even if she never goes you will still have the gear like a tent, sleep systems and portable cooking gear.
Eventually she will want to come along to at least find out what its all about. (And maybe to make sure your not doing something you shouldn't be)

As for any firearms. Lock them up in a gun cabinet and keep them out of her face until she gets curious about them. She will eventually. After bowling leagues I have found that a shooting sport is not that much more expensive and in many cases cheaper than golf. Greens fees suck and memberships blow.(money right out of your pocket)

As for the other things about prepping like insurance, a larger pantry(just adding a few shelves in the basement dear), a savings account(I could get hurt and not be able to work honey), a first aid kit, and Disaster plans for something like a flood or tornado is all just simple common sense things that can be added in as time goes on.

Next thing you know your prepped for 90% of all disasters out there and she didn't even realize it as it happened. Nothing hidden from her at all.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:23 pm 
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Well my mom has been harping on me to make the food disappear, so I did. The only food stuff visible is exactly 1 #10 can, and the canned meats(tuna, chicken, salmon ect.), as well as the small number of 5 gallon buckets and smaller 2 gallon buckets in random odd places in my room. All the rest of the number 10 cans are hiding under my children's beds. I got 10 cases under each twin size bed with a little help from bed risers and those are hidden and kept out of sight by a bedskirt.

Funnily enough while at the store the other day they had canned veggies on sale for the Del Monte for .49 a can, I convinced her to get 12 of the corn, peas, and green beans(the ones on sale) and she didn't bat an eye, but I mention getting longer term storage stuff and she thinks I'm a hoarder. Its probably a good thing she doesn't know exactly how much I have, and frankly compared to what some of the members on the board have, I have got small beans, but its enough to get us through for a little over 3 months and that's not bad, considering I have only been getting longer term storage stuff for a few months now.

Also in the same vein on her not batting an eye on the canned veg, I snagged 1 pair of shoes for each of the kids(2) for the next 4 sizes up. True I didn't need to get them that many shoes, but darn it when they are on clearance for 5 dollars a pair I'm going for it, I figure it will save me some cash in the long run.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:05 pm 
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celtic_phoenix wrote:
Its probably a good thing she doesn't know exactly how much I have, and frankly compared to what some of the members on the board have, I have got small beans, but its enough to get us through for a little over 3 months and that's not bad, considering I have only been getting longer term storage stuff for a few months now.

Also in the same vein on her not batting an eye on the canned veg, I snagged 1 pair of shoes for each of the kids(2) for the next 4 sizes up. True I didn't need to get them that many shoes, but darn it when they are on clearance for 5 dollars a pair I'm going for it, I figure it will save me some cash in the long run.

At that rate you'll have 1 year for 4 people at the end of a year, it took me 2 years to get that far! And I do the exact same thing with shoes - if you look at some prepping advice it suggests not just a 1 year supply of food, but clothes to last for a year as well - with growing little people that means multiple sizes of shoes and clothes.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:31 pm 
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celtic_phoenix wrote:
Well my mom has been harping on me to make the food disappear, so I did. .

What? WHY? Point out to her Katrina, California earthquakes, St Louis riots, loss of income. Does she want your kids to go hungry in an emergency ?

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:38 pm 
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If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
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Preps buy us time. Time to learn how and time to remember how. Time to figure out what is a want, what is a need.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 5:49 pm 
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Find a new spouse? :crazy:

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:05 pm 
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In my day, we didn't have virtual reality.
If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
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Preps buy us time. Time to learn how and time to remember how. Time to figure out what is a want, what is a need.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:07 pm 
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Hey sometimes its a reality, if a compromise can't be reached. I've seen a few marriages dissolve over it. Often the move from previous life to prepper life is a huge change. If your previous life was living paycheck to paycheck and blowing your cash on non-essentials, some spouses will be very resistant to the sacrifices necessary to change that; even if it's basic common sense issues like savings and food storage. When priorities change, compatibility often goes with it.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:14 pm 
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zoldaman wrote:
If the term "prepping" is causing problems, then try breaking it down into pieces that make sense to her. Things like "Hey, hon. While I was at the store I picked up a few extra things. Just stuff that we are always running out of, so that you won't have to run to the store later this week to pick up just a few things. I hope this will make your life a little easier and safe us a little on gas, too." Or, "Heya hotstuff, do you think that we should get a Costco/Sams Club/Price Club/Other Discount Warehouse card? It looks like they've got some really good deals on some neat stuff. With a little smart shopping, I think we could really save some money." Or, "Yo, dollface. Would you mind if I did some of the cooking this week? I'd like to make you dinner tonight...(Then, do your best to make something good from long term store ingredients. Heating up a MRE doesn't count.) Find ways to show her how prepping can make her life easier or better now, rather than just planning for some doom and gloom apocalypse that she imagines isn't going to ever happen. Hope that helps.


You're GOOD. This is the best advise I've seen. With your permission I'd like to screen shot this for future use?

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2014 10:54 am 
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veamon wrote:
Long story short, I've been around firearms and lived on a farm my whole life, my spouse is more 'citified' and terrified of guns.

I've read a lot of zombie/post-apocalyptic books, and while I know zombies are really just a catalyst for stories and setting up a catalyst for books, I'm always intrigued at some of the subtle advice that the authors slip in about prepping.

I don't have the place or means for a nice bunker hideout, but I've been collecting firearms / ammo, and looking to get things like water, mre's, medicines, BOB, etc etc.

For those of you in my situation, how do you explain to your spouse that prepping isn't stupid, and how you should be prepared?


I am 52. My mother and grandmother (and great grandmother) canned because it's when food was abundant enough.

My wife grew up 'without two pennies to rub together' . Sometimes tomato soup was watered down ketchup, heated up.

We can, fruit, vegies, meat, pickled stuff

My kids both know how to cam, they are 13 and 11

2 generations ago, if you did not prep you died........

Or better yet, let her read Æsop's fable of The Ant and the Grasshopper

Then ask her "Which would you rather be?"

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In my experience, women in general desire security, and a big part of that desire is simply blocking out scary or stressful possibilities by denying they could ever happen. Women are also much more inclined to have a normalcy bias that assumes the kind of scenarios that actually require prepping will never come to pass - at least not for their household. That mindset can create a lot of resistance to the subject of preparedness, much less allocating a portion of the household budget that to their mind is malinvestment.

The approach that worked best for me was to simply tell the truth: I told my wife that it was my responsibility to be both provider and protector, and that I would be failing in my duties if I didn't consider and prepare for possibilities that were uncomfortable and unsettling to think about. I also asked her to read the book ONE SECOND AFTER so she would understand how grim things could become in a grid-down scenario (I personally do not worry about EMPs, but think there are plenty of other things, such as a dollar or economic collapse, that could cause widespread disruption to supply, power, and transportation networks). I also took her to see the movie "Contagion" and pointed out how I never want my family to suffer because of my lack of foresight and complancy. So while she remains unconvinced by the whole notion of "prepping," she does grasp that I do it out of love for her and our children, which she grudgingly accepts. Also, I don't obsess about preparedness or trying to get her on board with it, since it is not her favorite topic of discussion by any means. But she no longer objects or asks for an explanation when I continue to spend the modest sums I am able to slowly build up our preparedness and household resiliency.


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The biggest downfall of prepping is calling it "prepping". Maybe not years ago, but the recent stigma and everything that comes with it from TV and movies makes it seem more radical than practical. Then again, I know many who get carried away and deviate from logic.

-Most "hard goods" can be classified as hobby items: guns, ammo, camping gear, hunting gear, tools, etc. etc. etc.
-Stored food/water for a few weeks does not take up much room and having a stash of "emergency meals" or even "pantry spares" is not out of the norm for most people
-Keep everything in a budget and prioritize. It will be hard to convince a spouse you need a $500 -30 degrees mount everest sleeping bag when you have plenty of blankets in your home. Chances are you won't need a $400 tactical backpack for bugging out when you don't even workout enough to not get out of breath going up the stairs. I don't think you need 7,000 miles of paracord when you don't know how to use it or don't try to.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I am judging you, but just tread lightly, do little things, limit yourself, and don't go all crazy. You're more likely to get snowed in or stranded because of a storm than all out nuclear war of zombies, so plan accordingly.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 9:26 am 
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Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I am judging you, but just tread lightly, do little things, limit yourself, and don't go all crazy. You're more likely to get snowed in or stranded because of a storm than all out nuclear war of zombies, so plan accordingly.


While your points are valid, JC, I would respectfully disagree on a couple of things. While I realize that certain reality shows make "prepping" look deranged and there are some odd ducks who gravitate toward fearful anticipation of doomsday scenarios, the thing that defines my focus as a protector and provider is a clear-eyed look at what could be coming down the pike, including such low-probability/high-impact events as major disruptions to the power or transportation grids, regardless of the cause. There is a baseline level of preparedness required to deal with such scenarios, and I feel no need to skirt the issue because it wouldn't do to have the uninitiated - the same folks who would show up empty-handed at my door in an emergency, smugness forgotten, if I wasn't descrete about my preparations - disdainfully label me a "prepper." Of course, you can't be so consumed with preparedness that you forget to live in the now or stress out your wife and kids with constant morbid visions of gloom and doom, so there's a happy medium - but let's not be shy about calling prepping what it is or engaging in it to a sufficient extent that goes beyond "somewhat prepared." Just my $.02….

I also find it's helpful to bring up current events, very judiciously of course - nothing is more irritating to a spouse than incessant agenda-driven lectures - and introduce a reasoned discussion of why these events illustrate the need for preparedness. For example, my wife was happily ignorant of the potential for solar flares to play havoc with grids down here on Earth, until I pointed out the real-world potential for such an event to occur - and what the implications could be. No sensationalism, no alarmism, just a sober-minded presentation of the relevant facts and why this justified a certain modest investment in back-up sources of light, heat, and power in case electrical grids were disrupted.

http://www.space.com/27540-huge-solar-f ... nspot.html

Separately, but related, I want to put in a plug for one of our own, Tinderbox, and his truly excellent "The Dead of Destitute Mountain" posted as a running novella on this site. Granted, this is a worst-case scenario that NOBODY could adaquetely prepare for, but Tinderbox does an exceptional job of painting vivid pictures of conditions that could prevail in a dystopian scenario - which is not totally out of the question in our current world - and what would be required/desired to increase the odds of survival, caring for others, and reconstitution in such a landscape. Definitely food for thought as well as a gripping, well-told story. For example, one vignette of survivors' dependence on woefully inadaquete scavanged flashlights - children's toys, really - inspired me to go to the Surefire link posted in recent "bug-out deals" (also in this forum) and pony up the money for a pair of pricey but ultra-reliable Surefire tactical lights to augment my bugout and EDC bags.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 11:00 am 
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veamon wrote:
Long story short, I've been around firearms and lived on a farm my whole life, my spouse is more 'citified' and terrified of guns.

I've read a lot of zombie/post-apocalyptic books, and while I know zombies are really just a catalyst for stories and setting up a catalyst for books, I'm always intrigued at some of the subtle advice that the authors slip in about prepping.

I don't have the place or means for a nice bunker hideout, but I've been collecting firearms / ammo, and looking to get things like water, mre's, medicines, BOB, etc etc.

For those of you in my situation, how do you explain to your spouse that prepping isn't stupid, and how you should be prepared?


I've just managed to get us both signed up for a free class: Community Emergency Response Team training! It includes disaster preparedness, basic fire suppression, basic medical care, etc. Our community has been hit by a tornado more than once, and we usually lose power for 1-3 days when that happens.

She likes the idea (or at least is tolerating it) because it will put us in touch with people in our community who are a part of this...as opposed to just building up our own 72 hour preps at home and holing up in case of an emergency.

CERT is integrated with police, fire, EMS and FEMA... that's where the funding for the classes comes from (I assume).

That's what I'm trying to do to convince my spouse that being prepared for stuff is a worthwhile thing to do.

Good luck!
-Neptune

p.s. Found a link: https://www.fema.gov/community-emergency-response-teams

The Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) Program educates people about disaster preparedness for hazards that may impact their area and trains them in basic disaster response skills, such as fire safety, light search and rescue, team organization, and disaster medical operations. Using the training learned in the classroom and during exercises, CERT members can assist others in their neighborhood or workplace following an event when professional responders are not immediately available to help. CERT members also are encouraged to support emergency response agencies by taking a more active role in emergency preparedness projects in their community.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 1:50 am 
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Think I finally turned the corner with my wife... We went to the LDS cannery in San Antonio Saturday and as we were putting stuff away she said "Ya know, with all this wheat flour we probably need new yeast packages."

:clap: I was so happy!

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:04 am 
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forget calling it prepping, that scares off most non preppers, I generally try and buy most of my food stores when its on offer, that way I am building up my stores but saving money at the same time, don't be afraid to clip coupons that way you save even more, I was brought up by WW2 parents, I never saw a supermarket until about 1970 and the stores only opened from 9-6 and were shut on Sundays, so parents always had a larder and never ran out of stuff, and my parents weren't unique, all my friends parents did the same.

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