Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

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Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by A.C.E. » Sun Mar 22, 2020 4:28 am

Hi

*UPDATE*
At 0040 this morning local time my daughter was born. The birth was short, mostly uneventful and without complications.

Mom and daughter are still in the hospital, probably for at least 48h per standard procedure. Normally I would be staying there as well, put with Covid-19 there is a complete ban on visits. I was allowed to stay for the birth but when they were moved to the ward I had to leave. Hopefully I get to go pick them up tomorrow or the next day.

/UPDATE
----------------
Our first child is due late May. We've been prepping for years and are pretty well set for the most part. But this is new territory as you might expect.

Mostly I'm looking for advice on what items to add to my preps. But also what you wish you knew beforehand about dealing with difficult times with kids, and how to help them.
Last edited by A.C.E. on Mon Jun 08, 2020 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by woodsghost » Sun Mar 22, 2020 6:06 am

Preps: a good baby carrier. Like lil'baby.

Brittax car seat. An EMT friend has consistently found they really do save lives.

Cloth diapers. If you are a prepper, they save money and you don't worry about the store running out. The baby carrier and car seat above are expensive. Cloth diapers save about 4x the cost of those items combined.

Breast feed. It kills the need for buying formula and greatly reduced the preps needed.

A thermometer and both baby Ibprofen and baby Tylenol. I would get one bottle of each. For the Tylenol, I would just get the 1 bottle then get the Children's Tylenol. They are the EXACT same formula, and Tylenol is getting sued over it because the Baby Tylenol is 2x the price (but it comes with a syringe!). I would get brand name stuff for babies because generics can have weird additives/inactive ingredients. But once they get older we will switch to generics. Our oldest is 2.5 years old.


Advice:

Be humble. I was told I would go in with the idea of being the perfect parent and because all children are crazy, you break down and punch the Easy Button in places and just get through. It's very true. You won't always do it, but be humble and do what you gotta do.

Limit screen time. For both you and them. This is less useful when they are 3 months but more useful at 18+ months. We have had a first hand experience of this in all age groups and saw the results for years. Limiting screen time has been extremely useful for our family. We even went so far as to get rid of internet at the apartment for about a year.

Breast feeding is awesome. This is difficult for working mom's, but I have seen moms really tackle the issue and make it a priority. But best results come from letting the kiddo get at the nipple personally. The nipple detects the baby's saliva and produces custom cocktails for what the baby needs at that time. Breast feeding gives a lot of stuff which helps the baby fight off sickness and develop the immune system. Le Leche League is fantastic if there are issues with breast feeding, but not every mom has the option due to life circumstances. It's just the facts of Life. So don't stew over it if breast feeding isn't in the cards for you.

Look after your wife. She will likely not look after herself much. She will be hyper focused on the baby. The nurses told us to make sure my wife got a shower every day, and that was CORRECT advice. And that she changes clothes. Every day. She will also need snacks. Easy snacks. And plentiful snacks.

Children are a full length mirror. The older they get, the more you see that. If you don't like what you see, make changes in yourself first, but follow up with communicating the need for change with them.

If you have not taken a birth class yet, I strongly suggest the Bradley style.

You can read all the books and internet articles, and some will work and some won't. Your child is not their child, and your context is not their context. Don't sweat it if your kid is not the author's kids.

As they get older, pick your battles wisely. Have as few rules as possible. But the rules you need, stick to them! Be extremely consistent. Kids are testing you in the same way they are testing gravity and the stickyness of their food. They are constantly testing until they decide they really have discovered a consistent law of nature. Then they might test some more just to make sure it hasn't changed.

Listen to your instincts. Especially if the instinct says to care for the baby. But don't try to follow The Book too closely. Listen to your own child.

Talk to other parents. Ask how they dealt with things. It doesn't mean you need to take their advice, but listen and think about their solutions.

Making baby food is way cheaper than buying it. And while pouches are nice when they get older, we have had recalls constantly on all the brands. I don't trust pouches much anymore.

Toys are not really needed. We have a fair amount of toys and our kiddo loves playing with trash. I was the same way as a baby. Other friends have found similar results. I'm not saying "no toys," but not many are needed. Grandparents and friends have supplied more than enough toys so far. Too many toys can also create a stress reaction in kids because they have too many options. They are not mature enough to process all them, and are super creative when their options are limited. It also helps keep clutter down, so that helps you be an awesome parent and less stressed.

Pinterest and social media are The Enemy. They make you think other people are doing it and it is a breeze. They lie. They edit out all the hard parts.

Watch the movie Storks. People without kids mistakenly think it's a comedy. It's more like a documentary and training manual.

THE most important things you can give your child are Time and Attention. It is helpful to apologise too when you mess up.

That's what I have at the moment.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by Stercutus » Sun Mar 22, 2020 7:03 am

Read to your kids every day, even when you are tired and can recite "One Fish, Two Fish" from memory. It is amazing how helpful this is even when they are only 6-7 months old. Get lots of kids books, yard sales can be a good spot for these.

So far as preps boob food is best but be ready in case it doesn't work out. Everything went fine with us and we never used any formula but I have heard some horror stories.

Once you get your diaper bag situated the way you like get duplicates of everything in it and keep them handy. When the kids pukes and shits on everything sometimes it is easier to toss it.

Night before last I was out working and I was approached by a fairly desperate new dad. The baby had a fever and they had no children's Tylenol. Last week he could have gone to Walmart or a local gas station and picked up a bottle. This was no longer an option. I suggest keeping multiple bottles on hand for just such an emergency when you can't go to the store because everything is closed.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by majorhavoc » Sun Mar 22, 2020 7:19 am

woodsghost wrote:
Sun Mar 22, 2020 6:06 am
Breast feeding is awesome. This is difficult for working mom's, but I have seen moms really tackle the issue and make it a priority.
WG's post is excellent, top to bottom. Just focusing on this one part because beyond saying "Everything Woodghost said" I can only echo: breast is best for so many reasons.

Congrats and remember: they start out perfect; they really do. Our job as parents is to get them to adulthood without screwing them up too badly.

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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by CrossCut » Sun Mar 22, 2020 9:17 am

Congrats on your soon-to-be-larger family!

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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by woodsghost » Sun Mar 22, 2020 1:18 pm

I was going through some paperwork from the hospital for our second kiddo and saw some stuff on crying. I realized that is probably part of your question.

In short, a nurse told us "no baby ever died from crying." Which is mostly true. It sucks, but they don't die of it.

Our first daughter had a 7 hour crying secession once, and some other long ones. If you get into a crying secession over an hour, you want to start taking breaks. One partner leaves for an hour and drives, smokes, walks, whatever. But leave the building. Come back in an hour and tag in while the other tags out. Staying in a house or apartment while you can still hear the crying baby is NOT "taking a break."

This could be every 15 minutes, or 30 minutes, as needed. Just communicate with your partner.

If you need to walk away from a crying baby for 10-15 minutes, do it. Longer, and that can start to hurt the babys bonding and relationship with their caregiver. But you can keep switching in and out if you are by yourself.

Crying can be pretty intense. My first daughter, at about 7 days old, was able to stand up, grab my shirt collar, and scream. Pain is a hell of a drug and she had pretty bad colic. This happened on multiple occasions. If your baby is collicy, you want to start looking for fixes. For us, we had to cut out dairy. When my wife was a baby, my mother in law had to cut out tomatoes and some other foods. It helped a lot!

Right now I've been up till 4am or 5am most days with a baby who won't sleep at night. So I put her in the car seat and drive for a few hours. My wife sleeps. Car rides sooth a lot of problems. Not just colic.

Crying is NORMAL. Check their temp, if they are warm or cold, check the diaper, feed them, look for anything obviously wrong. Then if they are still crying, just hold them. You can find yourself 2 hours into a crying secession with no help and feeling like a complete disaster of a parent and crying yourself or yelling, throwing things at or around your partner (if present), or otherwise having a hard time. Turns out, if no one has told you, sometimes babies just cry. No logical reason. Just pissed and upset at having been born and you just hold them, love them, and you both come out the other end a little worse for wear but alive. It's normal. It's ok. You are not a bad parent. Kids are just crazy. You probably did it to your parents, and you are alive to tell the tale. They probably did it to their parents, too.

If you have sleep issues, either consult a professional sleep ... person?... Or post up in this thread. We consulted a professional and that is some of the best $300 we ever spent. It took 9 months of crazy to decide to do it.

Also, the first 7 months of my daughter's life was super easy for me. My wife was totally taking on the burdens of our daughter and not asking for any help. Her feeling was "he is going to work, I can take care of the baby." Well, after 7 months my wife was bananas and I'm asking "what's the problem? Why are you acting this way?" So I had to man up and shoulder more of the raising of our child. Make sure Mom is reaching out for help to both Dad and friends! Moms need support and help. One cannot do this on their own.

Just my current advice and experiences. It sure is a ride!
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by A.C.E. » Mon Mar 23, 2020 1:00 pm

Thanks for all your answers :)

I will of course update as things progress, and any and all advice are very welcome.

We were lucky enough to get a stroller and baby-holder-thing for the car (baby protector? I don't know) from friends whose kids just outgrew them.

We were signed up for birth/parenting class, but it got cancelled due to Covid-19.

Covid-19 is messing things up a bit, so far healthcare is holding together but there are heavy restrictions on visiting maternity wards. We're still a few months away, but I don't imagine it will be any better in late May.

A small blessing in disguise is that my GF has pretty bad girdle pain and is going on "early parental leave" from next week onwards because her work requires her to be physically able. She works in healthcare and as much as it hurts to see her in pain it makes me very happy that she gets to be home during the epidemic. Swedish parental leave is 480 days to be split between both parents, so there should be plenty of time for this to calm down.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by Johnnie_T » Mon Mar 23, 2020 1:56 pm

Phases of parenting, in order by child:

1st child: OMG he's made of glass! Be careful! Hypoallergenic everything! Organic!

2nd child: Hey take it easy, he's just a baby...

3rd child: You really wanna eat dirt and climb on the coffee table? Fuck it, won't kill you...

In all seriousness, the best things have been mentioned. I will add/reinforce one point though. Get the absolutely best car seat money can buy. Period. You can control a lot, but not the other drivers on the road.

Notes on strollers:

Pay attention to handle height. Look for something natural. It sucks to have to hunch over 4 inches the whole time you're pushing it.

Umbrella strollers have their place. That place is in a dumpster. Just don't, you'll thank me later.

Do not fall for the marketing gimmick of the stroller/carseat combo. Yes, they are convenient, but you baby will outgrow the infant carrier in just a few months, the strollers in these combos are generally huge and hard to fold/pack, and they tend not to be the highest quality items.

Always supplement the stroller with a GOOD chest or back carrier. These are super handy when your kid wants out of the seat. They are also great for when you need your hands for other things, and they are super cool when a fussy baby doesn't want to sleep without being held. Get a good one though,babies are heavier than you think. Your back and hips will hate a cheap one.

Also, do research on food, meds, and supplements. The false claims made in the infant/toddler industry are damn near criminal.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by Johnnie_T » Mon Mar 23, 2020 2:09 pm

OH! Almost forgot a really important one. Mom will be tired. Very tired. Always tired. Especially if nursing. This is your time to shine and score major husband points.

- Help with chores. She doesn't want to clean up after baby AND you. Do some dishes, do some laundry, cook a meal once in a while.

- Mom will make odd demands. Chocolate at 2AM? The marital risk is not worth refusal, lol! Off to the convenience store you go...

- Her personal time is key. Any chance you can hold the baby long enough for her to poop in peace, or sneak in a YouTube video, or just get off her feet for a moment, you should do so.

- Don't shy away from diaper duty. Even when you think you're helping, she still deals with it more than you.

Anything you can do to help her is key. It's all about teamwork. You'll also understand better when she breaks down (we all do) and wants to quit.

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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by dtwn92 » Mon Mar 23, 2020 6:22 pm

That is really amazing news. Congratulations!

They are tougher than you'll ever realize and will teach you far more than you ever teach them.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by BullOnParade » Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:25 pm

I'm right behind you, my wife is due in August. Just wanted to comment on this ...
woodsghost wrote:
Sun Mar 22, 2020 6:06 am
Cloth diapers. If you are a prepper, they save money and you don't worry about the store running out. The baby carrier and car seat above are expensive. Cloth diapers save about 4x the cost of those items combined.
My wife has done tons of research on cloth diapers, there's a bunch of different brands and three or four different styles as she's explained it to me. People with enough experience to share their findings on the internet suggest trying various styles before buying any one style in bulk. This can be expensive, but we have found many of these styles on wish for about a quarter of the price. Also shopped a bit on Facebook marketplace with some luck. Will revisit marketplace when we're decided on a brand/style because most people there offer the best prices when they're done making babies.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by RoneKiln » Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:21 pm

Do not allow family and friends to buy the kid tons of crap. It makes your home a mess without bringing a lot of value to the kid. And a messy place is not a psychologically healthy place. It's hard enough to keep a home clean in the first place. Be incredibly ruthless about what toys and other junk you accept into your home.

Pack a bugout bag for the baby. Not just for emergencies, but cause a properly packed bugout bag works perfectly as a weekend bag. If you have a properly packed bugout bag, you keep the ability to take weekend trips much more easily. I have seen this small thing transform a family with kids as they suddenly have a level of freedom opened up to them. Families without bugout bags need an entire day just to pack. That's not worth it for a weekend trip. But when you can just grab your prepacked bags, take 20 minutes to tweak them and walk out the door? The world is still open to you to explore.

Small kids are sociopaths (literally, it's part of their brain development), don't be afraid to deal with them as such.

There will be times you hate your kid. That's ok. It doesn't make you a bad parent or bad person. Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite of love. You can hate and love your kid at the same time. Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't let your partner beat themselves up over it.

Congrats on having a baby!
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by TacAir » Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:45 pm

Infant CPR class!!! for you and mom both.

First aid class with focus on infants and small kiddos - see local Red Cross for next class, buy a good first aid manual

Build a FAK w/baby stuff
-occipital thermometer (no contact digital type)
-infant Tylonal (check w/Doc when to use any medicine 1st time around - NO asprin)
-bathwater thermometer !! (we buy a model that looks like a little boat, so when kiddo is oldr, they have a toy to play with

Start now to baby-proof all cabinets. The little crumb crusher will start crawling around sooner rather than later

Spoil mom with a hot washcloth to wash her face while in bed in the morning if you get up first
Learn to change diaper

buy into some serious life insurance.

having a kiddo is a life-altering experience. Have as much as you can, they grow up fattier than you might believe....

Best of luck on this new part of your journey.
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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by Johan » Wed Mar 25, 2020 5:28 pm

Hi, and congrats!!
I strongly advocate breast feeding
You (rather your wife) always have the food with you and it is always the right temperature.. And if she starts working when she is still nursing when she starts working she can pump out milk at work and you can use it during the next day if you are taking your "daddyydays"..

As for Baby-seats for the car, since you are a fellow Swede I assume you already know it should be backwards facing (much safer) but it is also important to keep using backwards facing Child seats for as long as possible (don't listen when they start complaining about lack of leg room, the time to put them in a forwardfacing seat is when their head starts to stick upp over the topp of the biggest size backward facing seat)

For baby carrier I liked "Baby Björn".

Otherwise I can only agree with the other guys about packing a BOB for the kid (saves lots of time) etc.

I kind of assume you will be taking care of the baby equally, and that you are man enough not to be afraid of changing a diaper..😉😁😁

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Re: Soon to be new parent

Post by lailr » Fri Mar 27, 2020 8:25 am

All good advice, and if you ever had to go mobile, a sturdy stroller could double as a storage cart....


I'd also look into as comfortable as possible papoose style carrier, in case things ever got VERY rugged

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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by A.C.E. » Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:37 pm

At 0040 this morning local time my bautiful daughter was born. The birth was short, mostly uneventful and without complications.

Mom and daughter are still in the hospital, probably for at least 48h per standard procedure. Normally I would be staying there as well, put with Covid-19 there is a complete ban on visits. I was allowed to stay for the birth but when they were moved to the ward I had to leave. Hopefully I get to go pick them up tomorrow or the next day.
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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by woodsghost » Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:57 pm

A.C.E. wrote:
Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:37 pm
At 0040 this morning local time my bautiful daughter was born. The birth was short, mostly uneventful and without complications.

Mom and daughter are still in the hospital, probably for at least 48h per standard procedure. Normally I would be staying there as well, put with Covid-19 there is a complete ban on visits. I was allowed to stay for the birth but when they were moved to the ward I had to leave. Hopefully I get to go pick them up tomorrow or the next day.
Congratulations!!!! :clap:
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*Be courteous. Look normal. Be in bed by 10'clock.

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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by MPMalloy » Mon Jun 08, 2020 4:13 pm

A.C.E. wrote:
Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:37 pm
At 0040 this morning local time my bautiful daughter was born. The birth was short, mostly uneventful and without complications.

Mom and daughter are still in the hospital, probably for at least 48h per standard procedure. Normally I would be staying there as well, put with Covid-19 there is a complete ban on visits. I was allowed to stay for the birth but when they were moved to the ward I had to leave. Hopefully I get to go pick them up tomorrow or the next day.
:awesome: :clap:

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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by Lettuce Pray » Mon Jun 08, 2020 4:36 pm

Congratulations! Hurry, while they are in the hospital, sleep as much as you can. You will need it. 😀👍

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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by RoneKiln » Fri Jun 12, 2020 11:03 pm

Congrats!

Enjoy the amazing challenge of raising her to be fierce and powerful.
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Re: Soon to be new parent *UPDATE* my daughter was born this morning

Post by Brekar » Fri Jun 26, 2020 3:44 pm

Congrats. By the time you get to the 4-6 kids range you will wonder why you ever worried about if you could take care of one.

As a father of 4 I can tell you this, make sure your stroller is sturdy, with better tires than those little plastic ones. I found that out the hard way. Get one with inflatable bike tires. They are more pricey, but worth it, especially if you plan to have more kids...

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