Car Safety for the Zombie Squader

It's October! Everyone's back in school. Work's in full bloom. Bars are stacked with patrons. Graveyards are emptying at an alarming rate. The Pumpkin Spice McRib has returned. All of this means that more people are on the roads in more vehicles and your daily commute is now an obstacle course of death traps.

Zombie Squad teaches people to be not only aware of their surroundings, but to respond calmly when the unexpected happens. One place where these two habits have a life-saving effect, is in your own car. Here are our top five tips for having a safe morning commute.

1) Check around and inside your vehicle for possible threats. - Your car's been sitting unguarded all day/night. Who knows what could have creeped into or under it while you weren't around. Take a look underneath for undead monsters waiting to bite your Achilles's tendon, or maybe just for cats you don't want to accidentally drive over. Check the backseat for people who may have decided to use your car as a nap, before succumbing to the plague that turns all humans into mindless ghouls. Also, look for bees. Always look for bees.

It's probably good to do a walk around of the vehicle to check for any other hazards. But really, bees and zombies are your biggest threats.

2) Keep the radio off for a minute. - When you start your car, enjoy a moment of silence. Your car might be trying to tell you something, and if you listen, you may hear a message you really need. It could be anything from a tick in the engine, a random grinding noise, moaning from the trunk, or a menacing "beep beep boop" from the crazed android next to you. Take a moment to listen, and then put in the Foghat 8-track.

3) Set your phone down. - One of the top causes of death in teens in Zombie Squad's home state of Missouri is car crashes from distracted driving. While we're really glad that the top cause isn't ebola, that's still pretty bad, mainly because if your fatal car crash isn't an all-incinerating explosion, you run the risk of returning to life as one of hell's insatiable minions. That's just irresponsible.

Put the phone down and pay attention to the road. Also, check your mirrors. Make sure there isn't a pair of eyes staring at you from the back seat.

4) After you park, take a minute. - A lot of people are so happy to be at the end of their drive, they just jump right out of the car and go about their business. A good number of those people are immediately eaten by face eating walking corpse that they didn't realize was right outside the door. So, sit in your car for a second. Take an inventory of who's hanging around. Is there a mugger, a rabid dog, or a jilted lover watching you from the shadows?

5) Take it with you. - Your car could blow up while you're not there. Don't leave stuff in it. Guns, laptops, purses, wallets full of cash, and other valuables make your car attractive to thieves and fire demons. Don't make a fire demon's job easier. Make them work to destroy everything you own. Take your valuables with you.

As with most situations, the key is to always be aware, be cautious, and avoid anything or anyone that smells like old meat. A car is supposed to get you where you want to go in this life, don't let it take you where you need to be in the afterlife.

Also, watch out for bees.