Family split up and the SHTF

[Visionz]

Alright don't make fun of me, but I have two sons by two other marriages and now am happily married to my third wife. I think the key to a happy marriage is not to have kids with her. Anyway, my two sons are 12 and 5 years old. My 12 year old pretty much lives with me full time, and my 5 year old I get weekends and school breaks, and my younger son's mother lives 2 1/2 hours away (by car on interstate). My wife has two children from a previous marriage ages 10 and 6 she has full time. It's a brady bunch.
Here is my scenario...

The SHTF and my younger son is hours away. He has a great mother to take care of him in a normal world, but if the SHTF my son is screwed, and I don't think he could survive in her custody in PAW, zombie apocalypse, etc.... Do I risk the lives of three other children and my wife to travel what would likely be a days trip in a vehicle and possibly several days or even a couple of weeks with children if I cannot make it in my vehicle? DO I leave my family and go it solo, putting them in danger? Do I leave my child hours away and pray he is ok?

[Blacksmith]

Alright don't make fun of me, but I have two sons by two other marriages and now am happily married to my third wife. I think the key to a happy marriage is not to have kids with her. Anyway, my two sons are 12 and 5 years old. My 12 year old pretty much lives with me full time, and my 5 year old I get weekends and school breaks, and my younger son's mother lives 2 1/2 hours away (by car on interstate). My wife has two children from a previous marriage ages 10 and 6 she has full time. It's a brady bunch.
Here is my scenario...

The SHTF and my younger son is hours away. He has a great mother to take care of him in a normal world, but if the SHTF my son is screwed, and I don't think he could survive in her custody in PAW, zombie apocalypse, etc.... Do I risk the lives of three other children and my wife to travel what would likely be a days trip in a vehicle and possibly several days or even a couple of weeks with children if I cannot make it in my vehicle? DO I leave my family and go it solo, putting them in danger? Do I leave my child hours away and pray he is ok?

I would plan on following whatever court ordered arrangement is in place. As he gets older I would consider giving him presents of various useful gear as well as camping trips giving you time to show him how to use the stuff.

[Nyx]

Does your ex know you prep? Would it be useful to have her be with your family if SHTF? I say this because a 5 year old might not want to leave his mother behind if you were to go get him. How you handle that part would depend on how friendly you are with your ex, and if she would use your prepping against you in court.

Now 5 is a good age to start in scouting, if the interest is there. This opens the doors to camping and other field trips with you when you have him. He'll learn some skills that could help if disaster ever strikes, and start the foundation for prepping. I'd just start teaching him a few things and have him help make his own bug out bag.

[Visionz]

Does your ex know you prep? Would it be useful to have her be with your family if SHTF? I say this because a 5 year old might not want to leave his mother behind if you were to go get him. How you handle that part would depend on how friendly you are with your ex, and if she would use your prepping against you in court.

Now 5 is a good age to start in scouting, if the interest is there. This opens the doors to camping and other field trips with you when you have him. He'll learn some skills that could help if disaster ever strikes, and start the foundation for prepping. I'd just start teaching him a few things and have him help make his own bug out bag.

My ex doesn't know I prep. Hell my wife thinks I am weird, I could only imagine what my ex would think.
Honestly, in a SHTF scenario, I would offer to take her with us (as horrible and weird as that would be). I believe if instances were to get that dire, every man for himself is NOT the best way to go about things, and small groups are. So naturally she and her new husband could tag along.
My question is, she lives 180 miles away. I think if there ever was an apocalyptic event, 180 miles might as well be 18,000 miles. So, do I risk the lives of my wife, three other children, and myself on the chance my ex might say "no thanks, we don't need your help"..??? Then again it would be awfully hard for me to not try...

[Blacksmith]

Honestly, in a SHTF scenario, I would offer to take her with us (as horrible and weird as that would be).

Yeah, you might want to run that plan past the current Mrs. Visionz. An already stressful situation getting suddenly much more stressful might not go well.

[mariposa]

Honestly, in a SHTF scenario, I would offer to take her with us (as horrible and weird as that would be).

Not so weird to some of us. My daughter dates a man who had a child (now 4) during a previous relationship. I told my daughter that, if they wanted to bring the child here in a SHTF case, her mother is welcome too. I remember what it was like when my daughter was 4, and she would not have done well on any level without me.

[Nyx]

Nah, it's not weird. I doubt you're the only one here on the board with the same situation. I do second running it past the current Mrs though, as I would not want to have an angry wife. As to whether or not you should go get them, well, I'd say it depends. I understand not wanting to abandon your child. Like you said, 180 miles might as well be cross country in some situations. I would prepare for both scenarios if you can: going to get your son by yourself (if you feel your family could hold down the fort without you) and taking your family with you to get him.

[Mikon]

What the first reply said plus keep a good (great) bob in your car if the truly end of the world paw came take the hole bunch to the other house to get the kiddo (even the ex...your kids would probably want her around ;D and be on as good of terms as you can manage with her and her new beau (if there is one)). I would have pre-scouted locations near their place to hunker down (fresh water, etc) and form a collective that can muster the shite.

Just my 2 small copper discs.

[Evan the Diplomat]

A serious situation for any family. Some sound advice has already been given, allow me to provide some more.

What's your risk assesment? What is making you in such a big hurry to get there? I ask because you don't provide a location (I know Op-Sec, shhhhhhhhhhh) so maybe a hurricane might be a reason for you to drive 200 miles in a big hurry, but even those come with a day's or at least several hours' warning.

You can raise the subject of prepping with a friendly phone call, "Hey hurricane season is coming up and since you moved to Galveston with Jimmy, I've been a little worried. Have you got batteries, flashlight, plywood, a place to go to in case another Katrina comes roaring down on you?" Don't get into the whole BOB scenario.

Maybe I'm misreading it, but it sounds like you are very worried about your five year old son suddenly having to fend for himself in a rubble strewn post-apocalyptic world trying to avoid cannibals and struggling to open a scrounged can of Spaghetti O's with a stick because his unprepared mother was captured by slavers. Real life disasters that happen fast (house fires, tornadoes) may upend his world, but society and it's support infrastructure would remain in tact. Disasters that would cause a complete collapse of an industrialized society like the United States, Brazil or France would take years. That means plenty of time for your son to grow up, learn skills, make smart choices and move closer to you.

If you are expecting re-animation of the dead, overnight collapse of the global banking system, extinction level meteor strike or alien invasion, I've got nothing for you.

[harleytrypp]

First and formost, Communication before anything happens is key. Sit down with your wife and address your concerns about your youngest in realistic terms. "Honey, I know you think its a little wierd, but.... " once you get her total buy in, then get with your ex and have a similar conversation. If you address your concerns rationally, they may just supprise you with a rational response.

[WheelgunDave]

As well as the rational discussion, what are the odds of enlisting the ex's new hubby to help with the convincing? Is he a safety minded, planning ahead kind of individual? He may be useful in this endeavor. You may need to get to know him and slowly work up the idea. Maybe include on a range trip or camping. Plant the seed, nurture it and watch it grow. If he doesn't start thinking you are a foil hat wearin weirdo, then he will be helpful.
Seriously though, the idea being that if her husband is onboard, she may be more at ease about discussing these things.

Just my 2 bottle caps worth...

[Caenus]

First and formost, Communication before anything happens is key. Sit down with your wife and address your concerns about your youngest in realistic terms. "Honey, I know you think its a little wierd, but.... " once you get her total buy in, then get with your ex and have a similar conversation. If you address your concerns rationally, they may just supprise you with a rational response.

This^^^. Also what Blacksmith said about the scouts.

If TSHTF big time, it is not the time to just show up. You never know, they could be closet preppers and already be gone...then you just went 180 miles, risking everyone else, to find an empty home. As uncomfortable as it may be, you should discuss it with them and work on the relationships ahead of time. If there are smaller, regional inconveniences (like hurricanes, tornadoes, ice storms) make sure they know your house is open to them. If something bigger ever happens, they'll likely remember and be open to the idea of coming to you. Make sure you influence the decision maker though. If your Ex is remarried, the new husband/SO may be the decision maker.

Just remember it is for the kid, not satisfying an ego to be able to say "I told you so". The favorable outcome for all involved is the desirable goal.

[tedbeau]

A serious situation for any family. Some sound advice has already been given, allow me to provide some more.

What's your risk assesment? What is making you in such a big hurry to get there? I ask because you don't provide a location (I know Op-Sec, shhhhhhhhhhh) so a hurricane might be a reason for you to drive 200 miles in a big hurry, but even those come with a day's or at least several hours' warning. A friendly phone call, "Hey hurricane season is coming up and since you moved to Galveston with Jimmy, I've been a little worried. Have you got batteries, flashlight, plywood a place to go to in case another Katrina comes roaring down on you?" Don't get into the whole BOB scenario.

Now if you are expecting re-animation of the dead, overnight collapse of the global banking system, extinction level meteor strike or alien invasion, I've got nothing for you.

Yeah I think the choice of do I go alone and leave current wife to bunker in place or take them all to ex-wifes to pick up son, and ex-wife if you want, depends on the type of SHTF sceanrio. How fast do you expect the roads to become a wasteland with no food or gas? Can you make it there and back before dark? Is you home bunker secure enough/wife capable of holding down the fort for 48 hours? Neighbors or family to help secure the home?

[Tater Raider]

Ex1 and Ex2 both are well aware that I prep. Ex1 is convinced I'm cracked while Ex2 is a prepper too (and member here - goofygurl). GG has a daughter from a previous marriage so legally it's her lookout, but I chat with her too. She's pretty quick for a young lady and has perspective so I think GG is doing a fine job. While she was in my life, it's not my lookout now - not a bad thing just how it is.

Ex1, on the other hand, is fairly well convinced I'm cracked. We have 3 children, ages 20, 19, and 17. I have a legal obligation to the 17 year old and that includes me educating him. Keeping in mind he has Opositional Defiance Disorder and that he is his father's son in oh so many annoying ways... I share info but he's grown enough to make his own choices and I accomodate him in this. The other two are a grown-ass man and woman and responsible for themselves, though I share info and both have got bug-out bags if for no other reason than to humor me (and because they agree that in the unlikely event of a fire at 2am they can grab it and go and not be totally screwed).

Ex1 lives in one of my BOL's. Our responsibility is to our children so if I need to stay in the area in an emegency it's an option. Not one either of us likes but it's there and we are okay with it provided it's only a day or 2. I have extended the same offer to her, including her husband and their child if it comes to that.

If I have to bug-out of the region, my kids make the call on where they go including the 17 year-old. They can stay with Mom (and thus ends my obligation towards them for the time being) or they can come with me. Their life, their choice, and if I've managed to accomplish one thing as their father it's teaching them how to get info, think it through, make a choice, and then live with it. I coulda done worse.

Keep in mind that the youngest is 17 - these are, or near enough so as not to matter, adults that I have a strong familial obligation to. Also, there's no finish line when it comes to parenting so I urge you to keep evolving your plan, whatever you put into place, to accomodate this. For example, when Young Son moves out Ex1 and I both lose a BOL - we are there for the kids. No kids, no BOL.