AWOL

[jehicks87]

Author's Notes:

This story is an attempt to get my feet wet in the world of writing again. I used to do poetry in college, and studied theater as my major. As such, there will be a good bit of Dialogue. I have been inspired to do this from MH's mini-series, and Dannus' short stories. I have been struggling to flesh out a novel I've been working on for a while... and when I say "Flesh Out" I mean get passed the storyline stage. So any constructive criticism yall have for me on this will also help me with that!

Basically, Eddie Johnson is a young combat veteran who went AWOL after this disease began to spread, turning people into something... not entirely people. He made it home where he was able to gather some of his immediate family and his best friend, Justin Buckley, and consolidate them on the family property in rural Arkansas.

Buckley, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. His father was an EMT and his mother, a nurse. His father was the first person either of them knew intimately who became infected and, because they lived closer to the town center, their house was overrun one evening. Buckley was barely able to make it out with his life. His mother was on shift at the hospital that night, despite Buckey's objections. He hasn't seen her since that night. Buckley is/was a combat medic in the National Guard. He has no deployments under his belt. After losing his father, Buckley made the same decision Eddie did; family is more important than anything.

"Dad" is Eddie's father. He was Special Forces in his younger days, but in his older age his phsyical condition has been worsening. It doesn't help that he's a pack-a-day smoker.

Jimmy Johnson is Eddie's older brother. Kind of snooty, but a true outdoorsman to the core. Backpacker, avid hunter, fly fisherman. Not so much on survival craft, he is a crack shot with a shotgun and a world-class runner.

AWOL

Ch. 1 “Homefront”

Eddie Johnson awoke to the rat-tat-tat sound of fully automatic fire. It was a ways away, but he knew the family holed up down the road, had actually gone to basic with their son. At that time, Johnson envied the fact that he would be coming home after graduation... sometimes he had wished he had joined the Guard instead. He hadn't been aware the family had any sizable firepower until now, though. Not surprising, really. He would have tried to raid the armory in the final days, too.

Rolling out of bed and reaching for his AK, he made his way to the door of his room when it swings open on its own. He reflexively shoulders the weapon crouching in the shadows. In the moonlight filtering through the boards at the window he sees his dad's face, ashen and thin and grim.

“Dad! I totally almost shot you! What the hell were you thinking?” He lowers the weapon and safes it at the same time. The audible “click” causes his father to jump, almost imperceptibly.

“Sorry, son. I... uh... well, are you hearing this? I think we had better be ready with more than just myself tonight.”

“Yeah, it woke me up just a minute ago. You think that's bill and his parents down there?”

“I think so... I can't imagine anyone else getting their hands on a damned machine gun around here. Did you know they had one tucked away?”

“No, I sure didn't. No matter, though. I hate to say it, but it's true.” Eddie shrugs his shoulders.

“These things don't really care about covering fire, do they bud?” his dad says, the tactical calculations playing out inside his head.

“No, they don't seem to do they? And firing off like that-” he pauses and listens to the automatic fire continuing, unabated in the distance “-no bursts, no nothing. He's just holding down the butterfly. I doubt they even have a spare barrel. Bill was a medic, after all. 240's just weren't his thing.”

They both sit there a moment longer, listening to the desperate one-sided firefight in the night.

“Alright, let's get going. Should we wake Jimmy up?”

“Nah pops. I don't think we'll need him until they're within shotgunning range. He's not that keen with a rifle; we've talked about that. But wake Justin just in case.”

“Eddie-roo... I sure am glad to have you home, son.”

“Me too, dad. Me too.”

[jehicks87]

Outside the small trailer (some would call it a mobile home, but the Johnsons aren't so proud as to quibble over the choice of words, not nowadays at least) this little enclave is set up in, the two younger men begin to climb atop a small storage unit. Eddie used to hate this thing, not really big enough for much. The overhang on either side only offering enough room to garage his car, but never enough to work on it.

As he turns to help pull Justin the last little bit up he motions for his father to go back inside. He does so, but something about his body language sets Eddie on edge. Finally, he shuffles inside the trailer, shutting the door. Eddie waits for the faint sound of the deadbolt driving home, and when he hears it he feels the relief mixed with isolation he has come to know so intimately on his guard shifts.

The machine-gun fire died off a good half hour ago, maybe longer. Now there is nothing but the sound of the wind, and for that Eddie is thankful. Besides everything going to shit, it's been a hell of a scorcher this summer. The hottest one on record for the past 15 years, or so he had been told.

They sit there, these two young men, one covering the treeline, one the driveway. Minutes pass, then an hour.

“You know we can't stay here forever, bud.”

That's Justin Buckley, known to the entire Johnson clan as simply “Buckley.” This term of endearment used to irk Buckley's dad, who would always retort one of the same three jokes he had stored up for questions like, “Hey sir, where's Buckley?” “Well, I'm right here!” or “You shoulda seen Buckley the other night” “What, are you spying on me again?” They always earned a suppressed moan followed by a chuckle... more out of obligation than anything else. Used to, anyway. Not anymore.

“I know, Buckley. But my dad's sick, man. Jimmy can make it... hell, he's always been more in shape than me, even when I was overseas. But dad... I just don't know.”

“Dude, you dad is ex-special forces! He's taught us more about defensive fortifications and tactical movement than I ever learned in the Guard!”

“Yes, but his knowledge is the only real contribution he can make, man. That was 40-something years ago, bro! Look at him! He couldn't ruck 6 miles to save his life!”

Again, silence. And again, it is Buckley who beaks the silence.

“I'm just saying, we can't stay here forever. We're already running low on supplies and this shit's only been going on for what? Three, four months or so? Eventually we're going to at least need to make a run into town. And then what? Come back here? We're in a trailer, man. Those things broke into my house. A trailer like this, they'll be able to rip it off the ground if enough of them come around.”

“Let's pray they don't. Not until we're ready.”

"You know I don't pray."

[jehicks87]

Dawn looms on the horizon in the East. Eddie gets up, stretching his stiffening leg and hamstrings. God, how he wished he could get a cortizone shot. Say what you will about Army Doctors, they have no issues shooting you up with cortizone. Anything other than that or ibuprofen, though... stingy bastards.

He glances at Buckley and motions towards the trailer. Buckley nods and Eddie begins to make his way off the storage unit. He leans over the edge, settles down on his fourth point of contact, and shoves off and away, rolling as he lands. He gets up in a split second and reaches up for the AK Buckley is now handing down. Slinging his weapon, he makes his way across the yard and knocks three times, pause, two, pause, then three again. He hears the snick of the dead bolt, and the door swings open. It's Jimmy on the other side, shotgun leaned against the door jam.

“Any issues?” He asks.

“None down here. I'm not sure if Bill and them are still around, though.”

“Yeah, dad told me when I woke up.”

He pauses, and they exchange a nod. Ever so slight, but that's all they need.

“Where is he?”

“He's napping right now. The gardening took it out of him yesterday, plus sitting sentinel all night.”

“Ok, let him sleep. Jimmy, we need to talk.”

Eddie tells his brother about the plan he worked up after the brief exchange he had with Buckley over the night. He wants to scout the house down the road, and then maybe a small excursion into town. He didn't think it would go over well, but Jimmy immediately agrees.

“I'm in.” he says.

“No, Jim. I need you to stay here and help dad stand guard. Me and Buckley--”

“Oh hell no. Look, little brother, I'm faster than you and I'm a better shot. You stay here. Or Buckley. I'm not letting you go and get yourself killed.”

“No, big bro. That's exactly why I need you here. You ARE a better shot, but only with that-” he points at the shotgun “-or a scoped rifle. We only have so many shells left. I've got plenty of seven-six-two and Buckey's got at least another couple cans of five-five-six. Plus, you're a hell of a slugger with that set of golf clubs you wouldn't get rid of.”

The golf clubs were a point of contention in the first few days. When Eddie found out his older brother had thought to bring his prized set instead, oh say, food or water, he had become furious. Only the elder Johnson stepping in had stopped an all-out brotherly fist fight. On a couple of occasions, though, the putters had proven to be quit the effective melee weapon in their own right. The shafts bend much easier than they had hoped, but then again they were easy to bend back. As long as you made a solid hit with the foot of the club it'd sail right into a brain cavity, or buckle a knee already weakened by advanced necrosis.

Jimmy doesn't relent his argument easily, though. Only after his younger brother asserts his military training, as well as that of Buckley, does he concede.

“Look, we'll be back tonight with whatever we can find at Bill's parents', then we'll rest up and head out tomorrow. But you ARE staying back. You copy that?”

“Dude, you know I hate it when you throw that Army shit in my face.”

“I'm sorry big bro, but I need to know you understand.”

Jimmy stiffens to a position of (what he thinks) is attention, gives a sharp salute, and retorts, “copy that, mister Edward Johnson, sir!”

Eddie rolls his eyes, makes his way back to the door and out into the early morning sun. It's a beautiful day, if a bit muggy. The sun is now over the horizon, and the green landscape spread before him is almost painfully pretty. The sky a perfect blue, puffy clouds rolling lazily along the atmosphere, spreading their shadows across the face of the Earth and offering a bit of respite from the blazing heat that is already beginning to climb. Judging by the position of the Sun, Eddie estimates it's close to 8 in the morning. Shit. He's been inside for the better part of an hour, probably closer to an hour and a half.

He runs up to the shed, motioning for Buckley to climb down as he does. He slips to the side and hands down his prized possession, his AR, still nice and shiny. That boy sure does love his rifle. Eddie shoulders it along side his AK, while Buckley sits, pushes off, and rolls on the landing just as Eddie had done earlier. Handing the AR back to his best friend, Eddie relays his plan to Buckley.

“About fucking time,” is all he says.

They head back into the house, eat some food (a can of sweet corn and split an MRE), and rack out to prepare for their late-night adventure. Eddie tells his brother to wake him when the Sun starts to turn the sky red. Then he and Buckley will plan out their scouting expedition and tell the news to dad.

He isn't going to like it, but Eddie can see no other way.

[majorhavoc]

I like it! Good use of the sounds of gunfire coming from the house up the road (followed by that ominous silence) to convey the sense that this threat is drawing closer. Nice, natural dialog to establish the relationships between the three characters so far.

The father's failing health is a really good way to immediately add more dramatic tension to this story. All the other characters seem young and particularly capable. Trying to protect the father seems like an effective way to ratchet up the sense of vulnerability of them as a group. Or to foreshadow some difficult decisions the characters are going to need to make in the near future. However you chose to handle it, it sets your story apart from the typical tale of conveniently well equipped and well trained characters who can fight their way out of most situations.

Maybe add one additional sentence to flesh out exactly what it is about the father's body language that sets Eddie on edge. I'm gathering it's some sign of his infirmity, advancing age, but just add a little bit to clarify that one point. Maybe that it pains Eddie to realize the man he always saw as so strong and capable now suddenly seems old and vulnerable. When did his father suddenly seem so old?

Unless of course it's not what Eddie sees in his father's body language, and needs to remain a mystery to the reader. Great start!

[jehicks87]

Thanks, MH.

My style of writing is a tad more succinct and choppy than yours, with all that poetry I used to do. My professor used to point out a sharp abutting of ideals that had become a trademark of my "style"... I'm sure you can see a bit of that above.

Really, this beginning is just to gauge interest in the idea for now. The characters are all based on people I know, so the relationship is pretty natural to begin with. I'll flesh them out further along the storyline.

The father's ailing condition is actually the overriding motivation for the two brothers, though they soon will come to a fork in the road as far as the best way to go about it. Of all the characters, Buckley is the most thoughtful and insightful of the group. He is also the most physically daunting. The protagonist, Eddie, is somewhere between the hulking Buckley and the smaller, slimmer runner Jimmy. The body language statement was simply that... we'll delve into it in the next update.

Let me know what you guys think of the dialogue. If it becomes too tiresome, or too hard to figure out who is saying what, just speak up!

Where I'm from everyone has military experience, for the most part. That will probably bleed into the story a bit, but I haven't yet decided.

[jehicks87]

Eddie Johnson is out before his head even hits the pillow. The Autumn Sun piercing the cracks in the boards over the window doesn't faze him; he's had a bit of practice sleeping with much less hospitable accommodations. Never one to really snore, a fact much appreciated by more than a few young ladies throughout the years, his breathing settles into a rhythmic cadence that nonetheless is audible from a few feet away.

Once he is sure his little brother is sleeping, Jimmy removes his ear from the door. He goes to the next room over, and presses his ear against this door. His is greeted by the unmistakable log-sawing Justin Buckley is famous for. Again, he removes his ear and goes to the far end of the trailer, unlocking and cracking the door open ever so slowly; he need not be as cautious in here as he did the other two rooms. Not with sound, at least... or as his little brother would call it “sound discipline.” God, how that irks him to no end at times. He knows Eddie is only trying to teach them the things that helped bring him home from his stint in the sandbox but Jimmy will be damned if it doesn't irk him all the same. Regardless, he need not exercise good “sound discipline” in this room. His dad's hearing isn't what it used to be, even a few months ago. He walks up to his side, and brushes his father's hair back, feeling the his forehead, wet with perspiration. Noting no change in the higher-than-normal temperature his father has displayed over the past few weeks, he bends down and kisses him on the forehead, turns, and closes the door all the way. Then, he locks it.

It's his turn to stand guard. Even though he's been up all night.

[jehicks87]

CH. 2 "To Sleep, Perchance To Dream"

Most common wisdom concerning the zombie apocalypse centers around a single truth. You get bitten, you turn into one. No one is saying these sick people are zombies... not yet, anyway, but that little truth has held firm in the past several months of the outbreak. Not that it's the only infection that has ever been spread through bodily fluids, but still. When a creature that looks like a person dead on their feet is attacking anything that isn't infected and biting and clawing and eating them spreads it's disease through its saliva... well, certainly it isn't too much of a stretch to imagine these creatures may actually be zombies. Or something like zombies.

This small truth is giving Eddie fits again tonight. Tossing and turning in his bed, he has begun to dream again. The same dream he's had every night since it happened.

……

[jehicks87]

It's a hot, muggy July day in the small town of Muskgrove, Arkansas. Eddie has been home for just over a month, give or take. Everything was going bad before, but in the span of time he's been home it's gone straight to hell in a hurry. The National Guard has abandoned most of Central, Southeastern, and Southwestern Arkansas. A small enclave is being set up near the University in the Northwestern most portion of the state, where the Oklahoma, Missouri, and Arkansas National Guards are conscripting all able-bodied persons. Sheriff Departments statewide are deputizing everyone they can, but they just keep losing people. Pretty soon, there will be no one left to deputize.

Eddie and Buckley heard all this over the radio last time they went out foraging. This time, they brought Jimmy along to tell him the news. It's a hard decision, but Jimmy is going to have to take Dad to the University. Eddie and Buckley, however, cannot go; the radio reported all deserters are being summarily executed.

Deserters. That's what he and Buckley had become. No matter, though. Protecting the family was most important. To know his brother and father were safe made everything worth it. And, eventually, he is sure a blanket pardon will be given once everything returns to normal. And if it never again is "normal"? Well, then he won't need a pardon.

On their return home, Eddie stops, sets the t-shirt full of blackberries down, and sits against a fallen tree. He motions for Jimmy to do the same. Jimmy looks at his little brother, seeing heartache and a grim determination set on his face. He looks to Buckley for some insight, but sees nothing on the stoney exterior that has become his nature now.

It was not always so. Once upon a time, Buckley was the coolest kid on the block. Always quick with a joke, and always pleasant to be around. Jimmy long thought Buckley was the best thing that happened to his little bro; truth be told Eddie was quite the hell-raiser as a kid. Buckley kept him in check, and watched out for him. Over the years, Buckley became family. So when the tragedy struck it was no big surprise he came to them, nor was it a surprise they welcomed him with open arms. He has certainly changed since then. Losing your family can do that, Jimmy reckons.

So he sits. Next to Eddie, leaned up against the tree, he sits. Buckley scans the woods with the .22 caliber rifle, but stays within the circle.

An awkward silence descends upon the group.

After a spell, Eddie breaks it.

“Jim-bo, we have something to tell you.”

“Yeah, bud, I figured that.”

“No man, seriously. This isn't getting any better. It's spreading. These... people-”

“Patients,” Buckley interjects. He coined the term after hearing his parents referring to the infected patients they had at the hospital, before everything went South.

“-Patients... whatever you want to call them. They're not people anymore.”

“What do you mean 'not people anymore' Ed?”

“I mean exactly that. You know. They're dead, they just don't know it. Like rabies or some shit. There's no cure.”

“Ed, there's gotta be a cure. The Guard is going to come through and hand it out when it's been tested, and everything's going to go back to normal.”

“Jimmy, there is no cure. There's no Guard, either.”

Jimmy's words are met by a blank stare.

“Justin and me... we heard it on the radio last time we were out. They've abandoned most of the state, bro. It's game over.”

“What do you mean when you say abandoned? They can't just leave. They're the National Guard, for Christ's sake! This is what they're here for!”

“The area they were trying to cover was too large. They lost too many to the infection. They're regrouping and consolidating up North. Around the University. A compulsory conscription is in affect, but that's to be expected. They are taking in civilians, though.”

The blank stare is wiped away as quickly as if it had been slapped of Jimmy's face. “THAT'S GREAT NEWS!”

“Shhhh, shhh. Not so fast, bud. They are taking in CIVILIANS. Dig what I'm saying? Civvies. Uninfected civilians.”

“No shit, man. I don't want to be around anybody that's got that shit. I mean, I don't agree how they've been handled so far. Even with AIDs we don't just go around killing people.”

“No, but this isn't AIDs. And you do go around putting down rabid animals, right? Same same. Regardless, you're missing the point I'm trying to make here, Jim.”

“Well what is your point then, Eddie? Seriously, I don't want to sit out here all day. I cannot wait to tell dad! Sure, it'll be a bitch to hike all that way, but we've got at least a half a tank of gas left in the old truck so that should get us halfway there. Fuckin'-A boys. We're going to be Ok!”

Eddie glances up at Buckley who, to his credit, is hiding his growing agitation very well. He looks back at Jimmy who is now almost beside himself at the thought.

“Buckley and I will go with you and Dad to the outskirts of the encampment, but we can't go in. Deserters are being executed on the spot.”

Jimmy's face goes slack. Not blank, exactly, but all joy has been wiped away.

“What do you mean, exactly?”

Buckley butts in, “If I have to listen to you say 'what do you mean' one more fucking time I swear to GOD I will junk punch you. Do you really not get it? Me and Eddie here are AWOL. We deserted. If the government gets a hold of us, we are to be put down. Shot. Executed. Patient food.”

“That's enough, Buckley! Jimmy, he's right, though. Once they scan us in they'll have complete access to our records. They'll see. They may let us slide by, or they may make an example out of us. The radio said to date no deserters have returned, so I don't know what they'd do in that situation. But truth be told, both of us are lucky to have gotten away when we did. We can't go with you guys. We can make sure you get there safe, though. That's the whole reason I came back when I did. To make sure you guys were safe. Dad's been going down hill ever since his surgery, and you won't make it out there on your own. You don't know the first thing about tactics, bud. You're a hell of a hunter, but not the best soldier I've ever seen.”

He was aiming for a chuckle, but after the blow of the news, the joke rings hollow.

“Ed, Dad doesn't know does he?”

“No. That's why we wanted to bring you out here. We figured you and I should tell him, rather than Buckey and I telling both of you.”

They sit in silence a moment longer. Jimmy reaches into the rolled up t-shirt and pops a blackberry into his mouth. Chewing on it much longer than any reasonable person would, he grabs another before standing up.

“Alright. Let's go, little bro. Let's go break Dad's heart.”

That's when they hear the scream.

[jehicks87]

They all three bolt upright and begin running through the underbrush. Jimmy is the fastest of the two, followed closely behind by Eddie. Buckley has never been known for his running, however.

Jimmy crashes through the treeline and into the clearing inside which the trailer sits, stopping dead in his tracks. Two of those... what does Buckley call them again? Patients? Two of those patients are surrounding their Dad who is laying on the ground, clutching his knee in agony, a look of sheer terror on his face.

Through the treeline comes Eddie, slowing for a split second when he witnesses the scene, but redoubling his speed an instant later. He is half way up the small hill before Jimmy snaps out of it. He catches up to his little brother before Buckley is even in sight, huffing and bellowing and completely out of breath.

“I've got the one on the left! You get the one on the right!” Eddie yells.

They alter their trajectories ever so slightly, each one taking aim at his Patient. Eddie squares up against his target, and dips his shoulder. He feels the feverish heat radiating off this shambling husk of a human a full second before he makes contact with his shoulder. Instinctively he rolls into it, completely knocking the creature to the ground. He follows through on his roll, finding his way back onto his feet where he immediately spins around and begins stomping the ever-loving shit out of that thing's head. A crack, then plop as the skull caves inward.

At the same time, Jimmy has drawn closer to his target. He lines up just right, dips his shoulder just so... and miraculously, his foot finds the only rock in the entire yard large enough to trip him. Down he goes, arms flailing, mouth agape, eyes wide. He lands awkwardly on his shoulder and skids to a stop. He looks up as the Patient leans over his father who is guarding his face with his arms--

A scream of agony pierces the combat numbness and grabs Eddie by the soul. He turns to see this half-dead, diseased former human with his father's hand in its mouth, shaking it like a pit bull would a terrier who had invaded its territory.

--”NOOOOOOOOOO!” The boys scream in unison. Just then, a machete cleaves the thing's skull in half.

[Rumsfeld]

With your permission I wrote down some critiques:

Chapter 1

-the road, had / Take out the comma. I personally don't think it is necessary.
-I think we had better be ready with more than just myself tonight. / I feel like this sentence is awkward. I had to re-read it several times to understand what you were trying to say. Re-write for better clarity.
-I totally almost shot you / I think you can take out “totally.” Unless your wanting your character to sound like a local Californian surfer, no need to put an adverb in this.
-that's bill / Capitalize “bill.”
-I hate to say it, but it's true. / I don't think this is necessary and it should be taken out. In the previous sentence your character states it doesn't matter. I think that's a good ending to his line.

Overall, I think your writing is good. Just a tid bit of polishing and your stuff will shine. You have a good command of grammar, much better than most members here anyways. Your characters are flushed out which is good. Can't wait to read more.

[jehicks87]

Thank you for the critiques! I am sorry I haven't updated this... work has been RIDICULOUS, but I will post more over the weekend!

[deathstalkertwo]

Great start, PLEASE ! MOAR

[Curtai]

Great start, minor errors don't bug me...and I actually liked the non standard language... It's cool hearing slang and everything in stories it makes it more believable its not as scripted feeling that way... Looking forward to MOAR!

[Nancy1340]

Umm alomst two full months since a chapter has been posted. Hope you're OK.

Very good story. Thank you.

[jehicks87]

Umm alomst two full months since a chapter has been posted. Hope you're OK.

Very good story. Thank you.

Haha, yeah sorry y'all. Work has been taking up a lot of time, and I started a youtube channel, so that's been eating into what bit of free time I get... but I'll write some up.

Thanks for the interest, guys!