Viper shtf wrote:Feel free to tell us about it.
Nasty story..............(note to self: never ever drink the local water and try not to eat under cooked meat)
I'm not sure when or where it happened, but let's just say that October of 1983 was a busy month and not in a good way......since in the Army no good deed goes unpunished after a short side trip to an island paradise, or so I've been told it was or is one (people shooting at you on an island is not an island paradise imho)........ in January of 84 I ended up being sent to 2d Battalion of the 187th Infantry Regiment (Let Valor Not Fail) which turned into an assignment to Alpha, 2nd/187th Abn Inf (L) (No Ground to Give) which had been moved to Panama (while I was on my island vacation), I had been expecting a reassignment back to a base close to my wife (since my wife was at Maxwell Gunther AFB) but like I said no good deed goes unpunished (I violated one of the golden rules: Never, ever, ever volunteer for anything......especially in the Army or like my Navy friends used to tell me.....Navy it stands for Never Again Volunteer Yourself).
Anyway, after my island vacation in October I ended up wandering around in Panamian jungle, followed by some down time in beautiful Panama City, Panama and of course Howard AFB. Anyway I was only there for 10 months months and ended up going to the 197th at Benning (seems my joint spouse paperwork caught up and my wife could not get an assignment to Howard, so the Army sent me to Benning).
Shortly before I left for the states, I remember that I started feeling kinda run down.......loss of appetite kind of thing. By the time I got back to the states and settled in I was having some upper abdominal pain....not a lot of pain but some, by the time REFORGER 85 rolled around and I was in Germany I had lost my appetite completely, still had that pain in the upper abdominal area and then to top it off started having diarrhea.
Great that was all I needed.....wandering around the woods in Germany looking for the enemy who did not seem to want to cooperate or maybe it was because we were just wet, cold, tired and hungry and weren't taking this exercise very seriously. Thankfully we got the chance to stop in some German villages/towns and buy supplies. We did get one bath at a German Schwimmbad, so we were feeling pretty good. Well everyone else was, I was feeling like shit......
I never really felt hungry, my stomach hurt, I still had diarrhea and to top it off my weight was dropping as well. I went to the medics, but they gave me the Army's answer to every ill....Motrin 800's, take two and you will feel okay... nope that did not work. We ended up with a chance to go into some German village, so I grabbed some Pepto thinking that might help, all it did was take the place of water. After two weeks of wandering around the woods, REFORGER was over and we ended up going to some make shift camp in a field.
It wasn't to bad, GP Large tents with wooden floors, all the green German beer (at the German beer tent - that's another story) you could afford to drink, three hots and a cot, plus a mini PX, barbershop, free books and magazines and best of all a shower trailer - they also had indoor latrines in them (now that's another story).
I'm not real sure but it might have been the German beer, maybe the bratwurst and pomfret, but anyway I ended up making a run to the latrines.
Everything seemed to come out okay, right up till the end. Now I'd been having the squirts for almost two weeks....and now for the last day or so my asshole has the itches.
No big deal........ran down the row of tents, hit the first shower trailer, go in, sit down *whoosh* its over and then out the door until next time.
Well this time things went a bit differently.........right at the end as I was getting ready to wipe, I felt something "stuck" half in and half out.....WTF?
Can't be a dingleberry....I've got the squirts......can be toliet paper....I have not wiped yet....yuk...some must have gotten stuck the last time.....crap...that's nasty. Funny, that's never happened before....oh well...suck it up and drive on....next time pay attention to detail.
So I grab some TP and wipe.....nothing....no dingleberry stuck on the TP, no stain nothing but scrunched up TP....hmmmm, its still there, wipe again...shit...its still there and well it feels like its moving and trying to tuck back inside.
WTF? Did I bust something? I hope its not my guts coming out of my ass......what the hell is that shit called again..... hemorrhoids....that's what its got to be...cause they always say that it causes pain in the ass and it makes your ass itch something bad. Shit how the hell did this happen......
So I wrap some TP around my finger and start poking around back there....hmmmmm.....wtf is this shit? WTF!! Its freaking moving!! Up down and all around and trying to get back in the outflow only valve.
Ahhh crap....I got to shit again......damn it what in the hell is going on here......
Take a crap when I'm done the darn thing is gone......so I figure wtf do I have to loose, so I glance into the freaking bowl before I toss in the TP or flush and theres this long assed flat looking white thing looking back at me........no telling how long the darn thing is but him and his buddies do not seem to be happy in the crapper, nope not at all.
Now I thinking freaking worms......the first thing that pops into my mind is some stupid song from when I was a lot younger....
he Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.
They eat your intestines,
They scramble your heart.
Now you feel like
You’re all apart.
This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!
So I wipe and flush the bastards down the shitter and head to the medics.
Medic: You again, all out of motrin already? You're only supposed to take four a day.
Me: To hell with that...I've got freaking worms coming out of my ass. Motrin ain't going to cut it this time.
Medic: Really? Did you bring a sample with you?
Me: Sample? Sure, hang on and I'll crap on your farking desk.
Medic: No need to get testy about this, I'll have to call the PA.
He calls up the PA (I have no idea where the hell the duty doc was, but he was not in the medic tent) and then turns to me and says the PA is on his way, in the mean time here's a plastic cup, he is going to need a sample. Follow the directions we need a sterile sample......oh and here's one for you to piss in.
Me: Piss in? Are you telling me they are going to come outta my dick?
Medic: I don't know, the PA said get a urine and stool sample. I'm just following orders.....oh and I'm going to need a blood sample as well.
Me: Got a cup for that as well? As I trot off to the latrine to get some samples. Sure enough old wormy had left some friends and family behind so into the jar they went and back to the medic tent I went. No PA.
So I sat there for about an hour or so.....not counting the frequent latrine runs until the PA shows up. Not only did one PA show up but four of the bastards are all there with a few senior NCOs (medics), all for the free show.
Now the medics have a stool sample (complete with worms), a urine sample (with no worms) and some blood (no visable worms) and the PA talks to me about where I've been and how long has this been going on.....after talking with me for about 30 minutes he says he is sending me to a military hospital in Fulda Gap (Germany), it seems he can't do anything at his level.
Me: So when I get to the hospital they will be able to get rid of these freaking worms? A shot or something?
PA: Oh yes, they have everything they need there.
Me: Great...how am I going to get there?
PA: We have a jeep with a driver on the way.
Jeep with said driver shows up and off we go to some base in Fulda Gap with a large hospital. I go in to the front desk, tell them my name and the medic says oh yea, you're the guy with the worms. Hang on a minute.
He picks up the PA and says something along the lines of: Attention in the Hospital, the Sergeant with the intestinal worms is here, he will be in room 101, that is all.
Medic: Well the Docs here have never seen anyone with worms, and they all want to see you. Oh can you stop by the lab on the way, we are going to need a stool sample, a urine sample and a blood sample.
Me: Shit, they just did that back at the camp.
Medic: Well we need some new ones...the lab is that way.
Me: Shit to hell this place sucks.
Hit the lab and then off to room 101 or whatever farking room it was, all I remember was it was on the first floor.
Doc(s): Come on it.......shit it might as well have been the freaking conference room, they were packed in there nut to farking butt. Got poked, prodded, samples passed around (yep you guessed it, more worms in the stool sample) and then was told that I would have to go to the 97th General (hospital) in Frankfurt.
Me: Sir, you guys don't have the meds here or what?
Doc: Oh well we do have the pills here, but they want to see you over at the Frankfurt Army base hospital.....no one over there has seen anyone with a case of worms like this before.
Me: Well couldn't you just send them the samples or something and slip me the pills?
Doc: Oh no, these are our samples....they are going on display. I'm afraid they will just have to get their own samples. Your jeep and driver should be waiting for you out front.
Me: Shit...fuck...son of a bitch...assholes....as I walk back out towards the jeep.
Long assed drive in a jeep to Frankfurt and the 97th General hospital.
Same freaking thing.......
PA.....The soldier with the worms is here, he will be in room 202....Sergeant please go to the lab, they are going to need a.....
Me: Yea, yea I know.....a freaking stool sample, urine sample and some more freaking blood.....
Me: Kiss my ass........
Medic: Excuse me Sergeant?
Me: I said for you to kiss my ass Specialist. Where's the farking lab?
Same deal....tons of docs and some medics this time......happy as larks.....
Me: Sir, when can I get thos pills?
Doc: Pills? What pills?
Me: The ones that kill the farking worms....those pills....sir.
Doc: Oh no we can't have that.....the Air Force would like to see you...down at Lindsey Air Station.
Me: The Air Force?
Doc: Oh yes, you see this is not just a normal everyday thing like bunions or something......you are quite popular and so you are going to need to go to the base hospital at LIndsey Air Station....its in Wiesbaden you know...
Me: No, I did not know........sir, whats my chances of getting those pills at Lindsey Air Station?
Doc: Hmmmm, well I don't know.....I'm sure they have them there. I mean we have them here so I would think they have them there.
Me: Jeep and driver out front?
Doc: I don't know ask Specialist at the front desk on your way out.
Jeep Driver: Where to now Sergeant?
Me: Looks like we are going to Wiesbaden, some place called Lindsey Air Station.
Driver: You still got the worms?
Me: Yep....it looks like its going to be a really long day.....
Lindsey Air Station turned out to be a pretty nice base....the hospital was older than dirt, but still all in all a nice place to visit. At least the Air Force receptionist had the decency to not advertise my arrival over the PA.....until after I had left the immediate area on my way to........you guessed it the lab.
Doc(s): Another room full of docs only this time they are AF ones.......I finally asked if I could talk to my doc alone (after all the poking and prodding and stool sample viewing).
Me: Sir, look I know what you are going to say.......so go ahead and tell me...where am I supposed to go now?
Doc: Landstuhl Regional Medical Center.....
Sir: Look, I've had these bastards riding along for free for months now....I really need to get them the hell out of my ass and right now....you know I've been to four freaking hospitals (if you count the medic tent) and no one has lifted a finger other than to shove me down the road. My wife is in the Air Force....
Doc: Really? What's her AFSCs?
Me: (thinking to myself...oh you tricky bastard...nice try) Military Public Health 4E0.....(They changed names several times over the years and I'm not really sure what the hell they were called back then or now) she is stationed at Maxwell. I know the AF would not treat one of its Airmen like this........
After much wrangling and bull shitting I finally got my script and hit the pharmacy..got my pills and went back to camp. It seems the word did not get to the AF docs about sending me on to Landstuhl Regional.....must have been a miscommunication or something.
Thankfully the meds were to be taken by mouth, and normally in a single dose. Shortly afterwards dead worms for awhile and then nothing.......
Worms......who would have thought it.......lets just say there was some mental issues resulting from the worms.......nothing serious just what is often referred to as an Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
I heard from the AF Doc that I was lucky....the little bastards can move around and sometimes move up to the brain and cause all kinds of problems........headaches, seizures and other neurological problems.......
Officer: Sergeant just what in the hell is wrong with you?
Me: Worms Sir! I'm sufferring from worm induced headaches and neurological issues........
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.