But first we must go back in time to 2008. It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire and forum member AltimGXE, he of the intriguing avatar had posted this thread...
http://www.zombiehunters.org/forum/view ... +Dogfather
^Go on, click the link. I'll wait.
Done? Cool.
Needless to say that simple but awesome thread had a profound effect on this young cleric.
A quest was begun that very day.
A quest that took me to many strange lands where men had knives that could cut through cinderblocks, concrete cistern pipes and main battle tanks.
Long did I wander, fevered by Ganzaa-kin madness.
Wondrous visions were visited upon me that danced a-tantalising before mine eyes.
Alas, it was a quest that was fruitless and fraught with hopeless yearning for 4 long years.
Until...
The ArchAngel Gabriel (also known as forum member Gabe) came to my aid.
With these wyrds, "Lo, for it will slice the very molecules of the air before you. May it's gleaming edge guide you in the darkness!" He bestowed upon me...
THE SWORD OF GABRIEL!
But first, I must continue a tradition...
You see, when I replaced my Old Faithful EDC folder with my Leatherman C300 as my main squeeze I paid tribute to it...
link
...therefore as the Dogfather replaces the Recon Tanto as my main chopper I must pay tribute to it as I retire it to the role of pigsticker/fighter/expedient field knife...
**cue sad music**
...Yep, that little R2 unit and I have been through a lot together...
link
link
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Now that that sad duty is done...
Behold THE SWORD OF GABRIEL!
It arrived (praise be to Gabe!) in the thick kydex sheath from the Scrapyard site, the one that looks like it should be carrying a Kris rather than a modern bowie...
And there was much rejoicing.
Compulsory HOrN Pr0n pics were taken, mostly because I wanted to beat on this thing really badly and I couldn't see it staying pretty for long.
Some of you have already seen some of these pics as, quite frankly, I couldn't wait to post them as I am a self admitted post humping thread killing forum whore
(
).
So, with the hero shots out of the way let's get down to the business at hand... CHOPPING!
In this thread recently I jokingly made the spurious faux-fanboi claim that the Dogfather (mine in particular, lol) could out chop an axe and could cut through a main battle tank!!!!11!!eleVENty.
Praharin took me to task as well he should with good solid science and I agreed with his magicks. Though in the light of the next day after chopping some stuff I began to wonder if this divine tool could in fact do what I had so jokingly claimed. It chopped like a thing of legend, like Elric's possess'd Black Stormbringer itself. And, fuck it - didn't I want this thing so I didn't have to pack a hatchet/small axe/hawk?
It was time for science!
---
Now I didn't have a Granfors Bruk or anything small-axe the equivalent of the Sword of Gabriel to do a comparo, all I had in the axe department in that league anyways were two full size wood choppers - not a fair comparision. However, I did have in my possession a poor piece of shit hatchet that had come to me in the toolbox of an old 3 tonne flat bed truck I once owned. I believe the hatchet was used to thump the starter motor thingy on occassion. Needless to say, in the interests of fairness before comedy I spent a goodly bit of time in the company of that piece of shit hatchet with a file, stone and sand paper to put a decent edge on it and give small axes everywhere a fighting chance...
That done, the Sword of Gabriel got a bit of time on the stone also...
And so, to battle. The piece of wood appropriate to the experiment that I had on hand was some left over shit from last winter's woodpile. Now this stuff is springy, resinous and gives a 3/4 axe trouble due to it being so fibrous and bouncy. This would be a good test.
Disclaimer: I did take some video but as you will see due to my eight year old beautiful volunteer from the audience having had more pressing things to attend to (namely: A Kingdom for Keflings) I had to shoot them myself in situ. So a rather unpleasant combination of awkward locale due to crap available light + trying to split my focus from the target to the little cellphone I was using as a camera + my normal heroic technique becoming a matter of not cutting my leg open it all got a little Blair Witchy - in fact, not even I know what's going on in these videos and I was there.
That being said, the little refurbished hatchet-that-could was up first...
http://s1131.photobucket.com/albums/m54 ... 012002.mp4
And then it was the turn of the Sword of Gabriel...
http://s1131.photobucket.com/albums/m54 ... 012003.mp4
( toldja they were Blair Witchy didn't I
)Results from the video shootout were as follows...
Clear victory to the Sword of Gabriel. Pure Pwnage.
Apparently the Dogfather can out chop an axe.
I did do some more off camera experimentation using proper techniques and the results were the same if not moreso. This is what the Sword of Gabriel did when I didn't have a cellphone in my weak hand...
Dogfather triumphant.
edit for disclaimer clarity
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