Things you may hear in the P.A.W.

[Flying Lead]

Is that Paul McCartney or has he turned into a Zombie? It's hard to tell from 10 feet away!

[J.C.]

Is that Paul McCartney or has he turned into a Zombie? It's hard to tell from 10 feet away!

Ouch! We'd probably have to open up Keith Richards to figure it out with him.

[wamba]

"Got any TP I can trade for?"

"No, but I do have some thing just as good, several hundred dollars worth of small bills."

"Cool, water proof TP."

[jonny_sniper]

"It's funny how playing Resident Evil didn't help me prepare at all..."

[jackal556]

"Range me"

"How about that! An AR is actually better than an AK!"

"Crap. All my MREs expired last month."

".222! I told you .223!... No they're not close...Yeah they fit...But you see the bolt won't actually...nevermind"

"Who knew you could make beer from grass, motor oil, and dirt."

"Oh look. A butterfly..." (Inside joke)

[Gray Gator]

HA...........My truck payment is due!

Here ..........kitty kitty

[Utah_ZHunter]

You want it where? that will cost you a CASE of Spam!

[Flying Lead]

Judge to Defendant- "You've been found guilty, this court sentences you to either 5 years, your woman or a case of spam. It's your choice, how say you?"

[squinty]

Judge to Defendant- "You've been found guilty, this court sentences you to either 5 years, your woman or a case of spam. It's your choice, how say you?"

"Judge, if you sentence me to 'my woman', can I be let off with time served? We've been together for 15 years and I think that's punishment enough."

[Tater Raider]

Said by one cannibal to another at a circus, "Does this taste funny to you?"

[greenear123]

We tried this new place the other nite, called the "Long Pig Cafe." Killer ribs, man.

[SeerSavant]

Hot dogs, get yer hot dogs... radioactive canine kabobs, get yer radioactive canine kabobs...Don't be the only kid in the neighborhood that still has all his hair... Hot dogs.... get yer hot dogs.....

[Perkidanman]

Judge to Defendant- "You've been found guilty, this court sentences you to either 5 years, your woman or a case of spam. It's your choice, how say you?"

"Judge, if you sentence me to 'my woman', can I be let off with time served? We've been together for 15 years and I think that's punishment enough."

bu-dum-ching.

[Lynn LeFey]

Oh... my... Gawd! Did you see that? An EGG just came out of that chicken's BUTT! No, for real! And THESE people put all their potatoes in the ground, and got them all dirty!

See, they used to say I was homely. Now they say I'm 'sturdy'.

Wow, mom, look! We got walnuts AND coal in our stockings for Christmas!

Oh man, I had the most awesome thing for dinner over at the Johnsons. It's called 'head cheese'.

No wait! Don't use those magazines for toilet paper. Those are called 'porn'. They're worth a lot in trade.

No, they used to eat them back in the old days, too, but then, they called them 'squab'.

Yeah, seriously, people would work for a whole month to be able to get that ring with that little shiny rock.

How about these three buck knives and two cases of quart jars? Okay, look, let's stop messing around here. I'm willing to go as high as a set of Carhartt coveralls and that's it.

Really, it's better with a little cayenne. And maybe some garlic. And... (sobs)

There are two working cars for a hundred miles, and you two knuckleheads manage to run them into each other?

[Cherokee John]

1. "It took some time to get used to but they keep you warm. No ma'am that's squirrel fur not mink. Best pair of underwear I've ever had."

2. "I think they're supposed to have three eyes-anyway they taste great on the grill."

3. "Ah look the horde is chasing that looter down the street. Anyone up for a quick game of hub-cap frisbee while they're gone?"

4. "I prefer the AR stocks to the AK ones for making war-clubs-you just seem to find more of them laying around."

5. "No Honey, Hagaan Daas never made MREs"

6. "Well you may call it 'Two zombies hooked to a plow' but I call it 'My Tractor'"

7. "The meat is coyote and the 'cheese'- we'd better not talk about that."

8. "Hey next time that Chinese submarine comes along remember to ask for extra soy-sauce.'

9. "Ah sunset-time for bed."

10. "Where should we visit this summer for the family vacation? The Giant Burnt Hole Filled with Melted Stuff or the Boiling Sea of Agony?"

[azrael99]

"this chicken is so tasty"

"Dude! this can is from 1943"

"so ? it still taste like chicken"

"but it stroganoff beef"

"0_0"

[ForgeCorvus]

Azzie, You nearly damaged my monitor with that

[Anianna]

"Leave him alone!! Zombies are people, too!!"

[Tater Raider]

"Leave him alone!! Zombies are were people, too!!"

FTFY

[Ashurah]

*Beep*

This is a test from the Zombie Emergency Detection System. If this was an actual zombie emergency, the signal you just heard would be followed with instructions in the proper zombie removal procedures and safe house locations. This station serves the last remaining functional city on earth; Graceland. This concludes the Zombie Emergency Detection System (ZEDS). We now bring you back to your original programming.
*Beep*

[Anianna]

"Leave him alone!! Zombies are were people, too!!"

FTFY

No, no, the crazy nutjobs who would even think to say such a thing will absolutely say, "are".

[Flying Lead]

Hot damn, we're having Haggis!!!

I got a can opener, with a three round burst.

Hey lookie, Jr made a laptop deadfall trap.

Rodent on a stick, just like the neighbors used to make before we ate them.

You voting this year?

Is it just me or does Don Imus actually look better as a zombie?

[Doctorr Fabulous]

"What's that rhythmic moaning?"
"Van Halen got back together."
"But Hollywood was one of the first areas to go!"
"You can't stop rock?"

[squinty]

Thread reminds me of this cartoon. Sure it's been posted before, but still - you might hear this (NSFW) conversation in the PAW: