releasing your inner mall ninja...

[AwesomeFrancis]

Okay, just for fun....

The ZPAW has occurred, exactly as you might have seen on any number of movies...

Thing is, your living in a movie world, and you can "find" any weapon, any accessory, You get hungry, the next house/store/military complex you "stumble" across will have a years supply of MREs, the magic ones that taste like prepared 4 star restaurant stuff.
Your weapons run out of ammo only when it's dramatic, you don't even have to aim, every shot is a head shot.

All those around you look to you with doe eyes and beg you to save them...

You get the picture...


So tell us your cool/badass nickname, your gear set up, what kinda vehicle you "find" and what's the barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill.
What kinda weapons?

So release your inner mall ninja and tell it like it's your personal fantasy!





Yeah, I know.... Just have fun with it....

yeah bro!
I thinks all ninja uniforms and gears.

[Ansgar]

your cool/badass nickname: Keeper of the Bunny
your gear set up:a chest baby carrier to hold a fuzzy white bunny...with vicious pointy teeth
vehicle: a very small pogo stick
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog must be delivered to Castle Anthrax to begin an epic battle against the undead hordes.
Weapon: Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, the Chuck Norris of rodents

[CFDAlden]

Nickname: The dude that drives that thing

Weapon:



What more could you ask for? Other than a red head copilot.

[Flying Lead]

Nice PAW Mobile ya got there!

[azrael99]

nickname: machine-gun John
vehicle

main gun

sidearm

[937mummy]

I'm there...

[Ruppism]

your cool/badass nickname: Veritas-Aequitas
your gear set up: blue wrangler jeans with can of copenhagen in back left pocket , black cowboy boots, long sleve black shirt, canvas duster, brown stetson hat
vehicle: 1974 ford f250 highboy W/winch
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: Wake up in the middle of the night to a woman screaming at my door let her in and talk to her to calm her, she falls asleep on the couch three hours later she trys turns and trys to attack me i quicky put her down with a well placed round bettween her eyes then go back to bed in the morning i wake up to the world covered in zombies, i roam around the country side in my truck saving people and preaching the good word.
Weapons: Dual .44s at the hip grip facing out, dual .40s in shoulder holsters, 270 bolt rifle, double barrel shot gun, cavalry saber, and for shits and gigles a javelin missle that i some how know how to use

[0122358]

Name: im so awsome i dont need a name
Gear: Molle plate carrier operator vest, Large ALICE pack
Uniform: M81 woodland trousers, Flectarn Parka, black cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and a Chevy or Iron Maiden T-Shirt..or my tan carrhartt, combat boots, woodland BDU trousers and camo patrol cap w/ navy hoodie
Vehicle: Late 80's K5 Blazer, late 80's S10 4x4 baja, early 80's suburban (book of Eli), early 80's K20 pick up, mid 90s Ford explorer, mid 70s nova and late 60s mustang...oh and a couple of OH6 little birds
Weapons: SBR'd Barret M107 with suppresor and EoTech and 100 round Beta Mag, Glock 17 with 33 round mag, Remmy 870 wingmaster with 3 shot extenstions x2, HK91 with beta Mag, Cut down 30-30 lever with a suppresor and an Aimpoint
Sidekick: My best firends and the Kracken
Catchphrase: I'll have whats she's having! and RELEASE THE KRACKEN!
Theme song: Sonne by Rammstein...or the theme to silverado or fargo...or the Halo ODST Soundtrack...

Plot: Set 10 years in the future, it is the owrst time for humanity as life is like the movie The Road, Book of Eli, and Dawn of the Dead (2004) combined. Patroling the land between the Cascade Mountain Range in Washington to the middle of Northern Idaho while contanstly having to save our girlffriends and other lesser firedns from being stupid as well as bring various groups of people to our sancutrary as well as fighting teams of mall nijas/raiders who are trying to make our lives miserable culminating in a massive battle between radiers, ourselves, and the army of the undead ending a hard fought victory as we sacrifice our selves so our loved ones and the refugees can esacpe across the last remaining bridge to the land of the free and escape the apocolypse in our sancturary before we blow up the bridge and stop the overwhelming hoards from rushing across.

[jackal556]

I've thought about this too much during my commutes to and from work.

All- please forgive my lack of creativity. I like a little reality in my mall ninja fantasy realm and it will make things a little apparent in the explaination.

Name: "Jackal"
Weapons: FN SCAR Mk-17 SBR with suppressor (when needed), custom built M-1911, something of the SR-25 family (M-110, etc)
Attire: eh, let's go with the subdued urban digital camo with all the appropriate tactical crap (see my picture to the left. Yeah, all that, but black) Gas mask with NBC camelbak
Vehicle: Black Ford 150 quad cab with tinted windows and some rims and crap and a AS-365 aka MH-65
Sidekick: My friends (of course), the SAS guys from MW, and a mix Kim Kardashian, Selma Hayek, and Penelope Cruz.

Storyline: CDC has eff-ed things up bad. Imagine the H1N1 debacle but this time people are getting eaten by the undead. So, what does any government agency do in a situation as such: hire contractors. I would lead a team called Reanimate Elimination Strike Team (REST). Of course, as contractors, we handed a crap budget. Money is spent where its needed and the rest involves bartering and some negotiation. Aerial insertions are with the local lifeflight helos. The pilots are good/ crazy and are common enough. The CDC tasks us with cleaning up outbreaks. (I imagine a dance hall filled with zombie hipsters). But, the outbreaks keep coming. Could someone be causing these outbreaks? The Hollywood script writers will call be back to find out.

[Ruppism]

your cool/badass nickname: Judge Joe Motherfuckin Brown
your gear set up: Black judge robes, white dress shirt with tie, no pants, and bunny slippers
vehicle: black stretch limo paid for by the people that elected me to be judge
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: I judge joe brown run around when not in my air conditioned limo popin bubbly ordering zombies to pay restatution to the families of the people they have eaten if they argue i will yell at them and slam my gavel against things, when that fails i will have my bailif escourt them out of my court room/ immitiate vicinity and if that fails then its go time!
Weapons: a stern voice, the american legal system, a mid age over weight bailif, a gavel and a 45 long colt/ 410 combo revolver called the judge!

[yelp]

your cool/badass nickname: Judge Joe Motherfuckin Brown
your gear set up: Black judge robes, white dress shirt with tie, no pants, and bunny slippers
vehicle: black stretch limo paid for by the people that elected me to be judge
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: I judge joe brown run around when not in my air conditioned limo popin bubbly ordering zombies to pay restatution to the families of the people they have eaten if they argue i will yell at them and slam my gavel against things, when that fails i will have my bailif escourt them out of my court room/ immitiate vicinity and if that fails then its go time!
Weapons: a stern voice, the american legal system, a mid age over weight bailif, a gavel and a 45 long colt/ 410 combo revolver called the judge!

You do know that you've posted already? Make up your mind, the ZPAW doesn't happen twice!

Edited to add: "The Judge" pretty much blows. IMO carry something that's good at what it does and get good with it.

Re: releasing your inner mall ninja...

by Ruppism » Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:45 pm
your cool/badass nickname: Veritas-Aequitas
your gear set up: blue wrangler jeans with can of copenhagen in back left pocket , black cowboy boots, long sleve black shirt, canvas duster, brown stetson hat
vehicle: 1974 ford f250 highboy W/winch
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: Wake up in the middle of the night to a woman screaming at my door let her in and talk to her to calm her, she falls asleep on the couch three hours later she trys turns and trys to attack me i quicky put her down with a well placed round bettween her eyes then go back to bed in the morning i wake up to the world covered in zombies, i roam around the country side in my truck saving people and preaching the good word.
Weapons: Dual .44s at the hip grip facing out, dual .40s in shoulder holsters, 270 bolt rifle, double barrel shot gun, cavalry saber, and for shits and gigles a javelin missle that i some how know how to use

[Ruppism]

the second one was for shits and giggles i mean come on who wants to be judge joe brown during the PAW

[skelco]

the second one was for shits and giggles i mean come on who wants to be judge joe brown during the PAW

Looks like several people posted more than one, including the OP. Funny stuff. Did yelp post one?

[yelp]

the second one was for shits and giggles i mean come on who wants to be judge joe brown during the PAW

Okay, I'm obviously missing something here. Off for a little quality time w/ google...

I'm kinda leaning in CFDAlden's direction, but not as a redheaded co-pilot - you know, there's no way I can really make that statement go forward in a positive manner. Carry on.

[NorthernAlpine]

your cool/badass nickname: The Swede or maybe 'Machine'
your gear set up: Pez dispenser, rabbit foot necklace, aviator sunglasses...does it matter what else you're wearing if you have aviator's?
vehicle: either a topless '69 Bronco or a '84 FJ-60 Landcruiser safari'd out like it was angry at the PAW for acting like a little girl, whichever one would either be a diesel conversion or maybe would have a flux-capacitor that runs off of garbage circa Back to the Future...with a sweet bobble-head of some kind.
barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: I find the greatest place ever to live in PAW, (running spring water, wildlife in abundance, hot chicks desperate for attention) only to have the zombie remains of the 99%'ers try and pull a lost-cause sit-in and I have to clean them out while trying not to be distracted by the gratiutous boob exposure...
Weapons: Aviator's, Bandoleer of condoms, G21 on the hip, blade in SOB, snappy comebacks, charismatic cliches, reflection of my shaved head, playboy bunny zippo, and never-ending supply of spartan kicks!

[Confucius]

Nickname: The dude that drives that thing

Weapon:



What more could you ask for? Other than a red head copilot.

I blame you for me spending the last two days trying to get Mechwarrior 4 to work.

This is all your fault.

[Omega Storm]

Name: The Muffinman

My clothes: I wear the Elvis jumpsuit and glasses from Bubba Hotep, except its made of that material from Homer Simpsons "Colonel Homer" suit that is actually cleaned by sweat. It has also been treated with some super secret James Bond spray on stuff that makes it bite/scratch proof, makes its wearer irresistible to the opposite sex, and changes color depending on the wearers mood.


For added protection, and for pure fashions sake, I wear a neon pink way over-sized codpiece similar to this one.



Sidekick #1 is a semi-deranged guy who believes he is the clown from IT, he claims not to have a name so I call him Snuggles.


Sidekick #2 is the lovely Charlize Theron. Unfortunately in the initial panic she suffered a minor head injury. Now she thinks she is Harley Quinn from Batman: The Animated Series and thinks I am her loving "puddin" The Joker. She can't be dissuaded from this delusion so I go along with her. Somehow she acquired Harleys gymnastic fighting ability, great skill with weapons, and her love of wearing sexy outfits to cheer, and sex, her "puddin" up. I call her Harl.




Vehicles: I drive the Batmobile(the car is actually as armored/super well equipped as in the movie, and not just a prop)from the Michael Keaton/Nicholson movie. Complete with twin 30-cal belt feds that never run dry and the jet engine has been modified so the front intake acts like a zombie garbage disposal. The jet exhaust has three speed settings: Fast, Ridiculous, and Ludicrous. The jet can also kick a mean afterburner that fries every zombie behind it for 200' into a fine flaky substance that may be good on toast. Every gas station we stop at has plenty of jet fuel on hand and I get 500 MPG. Harl is my co-pilot and runs the weapons.


Snuggles drives that evil Gargoyle head truck from Maximum Overdrive, that carries all our supplies. The gargoyle head has been heavily reinforced so that now it is stronger than any state road crew snow plow blade.


Weapons:
I carry twin Beretta 93R's in a shoulder holster. I have a pouch on my left hip for my 2 spare mags. I only change them when I want to drop some snappy one-liner about how much I love killing zombies. I carry that kick ass machete from Predator slung over my back and use it for my close in work.


Harl is very fond of those big carnival mallets, you know the kind you have to ding the bell with. She carries one slung over her shoulder on a rainbow striped sling. The mallet is pink and covered in Hello Kitty Decals. Her battle cry as she wades into the zombie hordes is "Fear the wrath of my mighty p@#&y!"

Snuggles likes to carry a big Santa bag full of those super noisy battery powered toys that they always have on that table near the entrance to the toy store. Each of his toys has what he calls a "candy suprise" inside, which is actually 4 ounces of C-4 and a mercury switch that he has rigged to only explode when shaken/ripped apart by a very pissed/confused zombie. He likes to set the little things going near a herd of zombies and enjoy the ensuing hilarity. He also has a super soaker filled with some chemical we found a bunch of that after a few minutes exposure to air becomes VERY flammable. So flammable that if a zombie bumps into anything it becomes a miniature FAE warhead. Snuggles keeps twin 22" long folding straight razors in sheaths hidden under his puffy sleeves. He wields them like machetes. Snuggles is fun at parties.

My catchphrase: Have you any muffins for me to stuffin?

Really sketchy plot:

We travel across the barren zombie infested wasteland each in search of our own favorite items. I LOVE lemon poppy seed and blueberry muffins and scour every grocery store and bakery for them. Harl collects snow globes that depict desert Christmas scenes, and any sexy outfits she thinks I might like. Snuggles collects the heads off of Barbie dolls and hangs them by their hair from the headliner of his truck like some bizarre serial killer low rider fringe.
We also collect food, weapons, ammo, explosives, medical supplies, tools, inflatable sheep, wax fruit, and anything else we think might be useful or good for trade. We roll into survivor encampments and barter our plethora of goods for our desired items, namely: muffins, snow globes, lingerie, and barbie heads. For some reason the survivors seem to have mixed emotions about seeing us driving up.
Listening to the CB while driving one day I heard a very scared voice ask another person, "Have you seen the muffin man?"

---

Edited a couple of times for uber-coolness.

[SeerSavant]

gonna make another go....


They have no name for me, save the lone warrior of a battered and poisoned landscape, a steampunk cowboy, amid slavers, raiders, and the undead.....



My past is shrouded in mystery, my skills in high demand. They say I can be bought for the right price, a gunman, a killer, a tattered knight living a hollow existence among the wastelands of what once was, whispered about, the sound of my steed echoing in the night winds;



From time to time, I find an ally in Jesse;


Some say she was a porn star in the before times, others claim that she has killed all of her ex lovers, except one.
A dozen bounty hunters tried to track her down, a warlord had claimed her for his private harem. One bounty hunter returned, and strode to the warlords throne, knelt in front of him, and committed ritual suicide, disemboweling himself while screaming fanatically that none shall rule over his mistress.


The nameless cowboy shows up when he is needed, and then fades into the wind, a wraith of justice, judge jury and executioner of all without honor.

In his wake you find the remnants of his passing, those who would prey upon the innocent, their bodies rest bloated and swarming with flies, the rest to tell another chapter of his tale.

No one can tell when he will arrive, but the cruel and evil have been warned, his warning etched in the dead.

In the living, he leaves only hope, a chance to live free of fear...

And occasionally.

some bacon.
The nameless cowboy, really really likes bacon.

[Omega Storm]

This thread is so much win. I nearly passed out from laughter so many times. Please keep it going.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

your cool/badass nickname: The Grim Rhesus...but those who have seen my wrath call me MR. E., in the hushed tones that children used to speak of the scary monsters that haunt them in the night.

your gear set up: I have a dump pouch on my belt that works like Mary Poppins' bag. I don't really need anything else.

vehicle: A heavily modified tricycle taxi, like this:


barely there plot that gives you a chance to flex your indestructible muscles and skill: I am taking a long-lost barbecue banana recipe to the tropical paradise of Shangri-la.

Weapons: A PPSh-41, Tokarev pistol, a Mosin Nagant, a scythe, and I'm not sure what else is in that bag. I could probably find an anti-tank weapon in there if I need a plot device at a critical moment.

[skelco]

another good one!

plus that bike is awesome

[CFDAlden]

Nickname: The dude that drives that thing

Weapon:



What more could you ask for? Other than a red head copilot.

I blame you for me spending the last two days trying to get Mechwarrior 4 to work.

This is all your fault.

Sorry! Been trying forever to get any of my MW stuff running.

Maybe I should have gone Daishi instead for my post.

I need to reconsider the redhead thing, though. Been married to one, not sure if she's suited to the PAW....

[wee drop o' bush]

Name: Sharp Spike Suzy cos its my weapon of choice.
Outfit: leather vest & leggings I made from escaped penguins. An old football helmet I found and biker boots I wore when I was a pizza deliverer.
Weapons: my trusty Katana its maker and my friend 'Pizza Jun' gave me when dying, my spike (I must not disclose it origins) and a small hand-mirror.
Transport: My slightly lowered Norton Commando 850
I've adapted it to run on methane.

Sidekick: I rescued an orphaned Sifaka & reared it inside my football helmet. Its now imprinted on me, so I trained it to perch on the back of my Norton 850 and shoot a Derringer when necessary. It has to be a derringer as he has small hands & is none too clever.


My story: all Hell broke loose after a fungal infected ant fell into a flour mill making flour destined for pizza bases. It was scary but the spirit of Pizza Jun lives on.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

I like it, wee!


He's working on a daring rescue right now.