World of the Chërnyi - Book now on Amazon ebooks

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[Mr. E. Monkey]

Was the language easy to read and understand?
Yeah. It's easy to read, yet not overly-simple.

While not all characters are fully (or even partly) developed, did the main characters seem 'real' or believable?
They do. While I was initially not sure that I could buy the sudden marriage, I guess if the world as we know it came to a sudden, screeching halt, eh, why not marry? But yes, the characters are believable, and they seem to interact well.

Was the dialog 'correct' or stilted/off/hard to believe anyone would speak like this character? Did the narration seem to flow as one might hear in a conversation?
It sounds good to me.

Where detail was offered (action or background) was there too much or too little or OK?
I think you've got a good balance of detail. Not so much that a reader might get lost in the weeds as you describe intimate details of a rifle, yet enough to paint a pretty good picture.

Was the point of view (POV) consistent enough or noticeably off?
It seems pretty consistent. I haven't noticed anything that really stands out, as I've been too busy enjoying the story.

Was there too much/too little narration or explanation in the story line?
It seems just about right from this reader's perspective.

I know I left a lot of threads hanging (deliberate, BTW) but did the main story thread seem consistent and flow or progress?
So far, so good.

What did you like about the story
I like the sci-fi / shtf overall feel to it. It's believable, and at the same time, the whatever-is-happening is strange enough to leave me wondering what is going on. There's just enough suspense to keep me hanging, and I like it.

What did you dislike about the story?
Needs moar!

Will you share your age and primary occupation? This will help me understand how well this story plays to different groups. (marketing stuff)
31, defense contractor

And lastly - do you have any other comments?
MOAR!

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[FIDO]

Give us moar damn it!
I love it, keep it coming...

[jrswanson1]

Thanks for more! The nurse and her spiffy new husband seem to be getting along well, but it's getting kind of The Cat Who Walked Through Walls-ish. If she starts calling him "boss" I'm going to stop reading

BTW, fav dog breed: German Wire-haired Pointed. Very athletic, very intelligent, and I wish I had one.

Jim

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[golem3]

Good chapter, maybe could have used more foreshadowing in an earlier chapter that his taking care of Betty would uh.. irritate her.

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[Dr Jekell]

It seems the timeline jumps a bit towards the end. Did a section get missed when posting?

Nora was up and at the quadcycle in an instant - tearing into the aid kit she pulled out a set of Israeli battle dressings, an IV set up and a bag of clotting agent. Al was soon laid out across the quadcycle, Steve walking alongside, steering, Nora on the other, praying.

Walking to one side of the party, then the other, Buddy would lick Al's hand from time to time, just to let Al know that he was on the job. Buddy could tell, just as dogs always do in some way unknown to mankind, that everything would be fine.

Missing section?

Lying out in the hot sun felt good, after so long indoors. That his head was in Nora's lap had nothing to do with it all he assured himself. It had to be the sun making him feel so warm inside. "So how long has it been?"

Nora smiled, "How long do you think it's been?" She was radiant now. She knew at some point she would have to tell Al, but now wasn't quite right. They still had some things to settle, then she could share her good news.

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[Shoe Daddy]

Its sounding great. Kinda hard to post from a phone. While there many not be many comments, rest assured people are reading.

[MaconCJ7]

I'm reading, and thus far thoroughly entertained. I do take with salt the fact that certain parts are missing/left out for your ulterior publishing motives, but even with that, it's easy enough to follow and flows pretty well. Some had complained about a fast paced beginning, but I enjoy not waiting until the 3rd or 4th chapter before it gets interesting.

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[MaconCJ7]

PM sent

[FIDO]

Different questions.

Well, I have posted just under 30K words, about 1/2 of a short novel. From the hit count at lest some of the board members are reading the storey - thanks!

Some have posted comments, thank you very much. Based on that feedback, I made some significant tweaks. I hope you find the changes have made the story easier to read, reduced confusion or made things a bit clearer. I have focused this story line on Nora, Al, Steve and the girls.

So, I would appreciate for you to consider taking a few minutes and answering these questions - post back to the board or PM, either is fine,
I appreciate the feedback in order to make the (draft) ending both believable to you the reader and set the stage for other stories to follow.
What? - You didn't think I would skip out on Jake the Snake or The Dogs of Hill 151 did you? (jungle Zombies, so much fun) The stories right now are "stubs", and will need a bit more work before posting.

Oh, The Chërnyi is part of the ending.

Questions

If asked, how would you describe (in no particular order of importance)

Nora Richardson, MSN?


Lieutenant Albert Drake, RAF? CSAR Leadman
Gung ho guy who likes throwing himself into dangerous situations to save the day, hell raiser, bar brawler and loves the ladies, that and anything he can shoot, climbing is his primary speciality, along with making snap decisions.


Major Bill Anderson, USAF" Pilot
Level headed, thoughtful, weighs all of the pros and cons before making a decision, the brooder, always has a plan in place and is always thinking six steps ahead of everyone else.

Captain Jimmy “Wild man” Williams, USAF? co-pilot
In a word, gutsy and maybe just a tad bit crazy, who wouldn't after a career from flying jets at Mach 5 and not be a fragile bundle of nerves, has a head for numbers, works great under stress, a twisted sense of humor and never ending energy.


Robert Teaman, manufacture's technical representative and flight engineer?
Engineer. Nuff said, give him a pocket protector, calculator, lots of technical phrases and make him a terrible shot, however, every team needs a nerd capable of dismantling and putting multibillion dollar equipment back together with only a fingernail clipper.

Master Sergeant Mike “Gopher” Mulroony, USAF, lead Pararescueman
Highest ranking enlisted man on the teams still active, in super physical condition and is an incrediable shot, maybe a little gruff in situations that calls for finesse and loves blowing shit up, his way of having fun.

Staff Sergeant Gary McCloud, USAF, Pararescueman
Constant worrier that is detail oriented, always brings along a spare everything, stickler for answers, a mother hen figure to anyone stuck with him, has a compassion for anyone in trouble and is gifted in hand-to-hand combat.

Sergeant Major Steve Wahpah, USMC (retired)
Grouchy old fart who takes no shit from anyone and likes to let people know who he is, has a loud voice that screams USMC SERGEANT, tough as nails, but give him some humanity, like a wife and a couple kids he would die for.

Master Sergeant Jake "The Snake" Weinstien, USMC (medically retired)
Broke his leg or collarbone that made him medically unfit for duty, so he has a lot of potential and does not like to be a burden. Give him the scruffy complexion to top it off and an extensive knowledge on patching folks up, making even a past history of boosting cars a kid way back when.

Bonus question -
Do you have a favorite breed of dog? Care to share why this breed is important to you?

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[golem3]

Great new addition. Seems to have jumped quite a bit, or maybe I'm just confused. Good mystery to solve.